Strength Through Vulnerability
How we can all be stronger by talking with others about the things that matter to us most
No-one is immune to their own vulnerabilities. We all have them. Some of us have formed thick callouses over our oldest tragedies and pains, whilst others are unable to heal from and let go of fresh wounds. As long as two human minds are involved, someone is bound to get hurt at some point, and typically sooner rather than later.
Many animals evolved by learning how to hunt and interact with others by playing and experimenting in their early years. Wolves learn to hunt in packs, birds learn to fly; what do us humans need to learn whilst we’re young? How to interact with others. For what purpose? What do we hope to achieve through our interactions?
Now, some disagreement may be had here, but for the purposes of this article, I’d like to focus on two dominant goals across many societies in the 21st century: Economic self-interest and Reproduction. In other words, our selves and our families. With seven and a half billion humans, spread across 7 continents and over 200 countries, all pursuing relatively similar goals and ambitions. Succeed in earning money: a financially-stable, consistent income — for my parents, for my siblings, for my partners, for my kids; for my family. Or, for myself. Or for myself, and for all the above.
Or, for whatever reason we choose to tell ourselves. Because I have to. Because I want to. Because I need to. Because this is the only way that I can earn enough money to be where I want to be. Because the alternative is worse — being poor, or unemployed, or at a lower-paying job, or getting less hours to spend doing what I want to do, with others or by myself. We all believe in different stories for why we do what we do.
And we aren’t the best at articulating them to others, either. And when our goals come into conflict within ourselves, we might come to a decision within our minds with ease, without an obvious explanation for making our choice. Then when we act on our own decisions and come into conflict with the goals of others, whatever they may be, it can be difficult to explain the reasoning behind our behaviours precisely. Social stigmas, norms, taboos and culture all come in the way, as well as our own individual biases, beliefs, and, essentially, how comfortable we are with being honest with ourselves, and whether or not we are currently able and willing to explain our predicaments to others.
Some of us hide away at the chance to be honest with those closest to us. We’re scared. We should be shared — we are allowing ourselves to be vulnerable. This is not easy, and is rare in many families and groups — but unsurprisingly, unforgivingly human. It can be painful, gut-wrenching, terrifying, worrying — it can feel as if your whole world is about to change.
But then, you and someone close to you choose to tell the truth to one another. To share your deepest secrets, worries and desires — your hidden embarrassing or painful or tragic moments, which you hardly reveal to anyone else. The things you’ve come to understand about yourself, about how you act, the things about yourself that you are unable to change. Who you really are. Why you do the things you do. Or, how you’re trying to figure out who you are, and why you’re struggling to do so.
You open up. You reveal more of yourself, and in turn, you learn more about yourself and those around you. You become stronger, through allowing yourself to be vulnerable around others and for allowing and accepting others around you: their honesty and their vulnerability.
We are all vulnerable, and we must find those in our lives who we want to talk to about the things that matter most to us, and talk to them about it. Have an open conversation: devoid of judgement or opinions. Just listening to each other. We can all be stronger than we are, and we can all help each other be stronger. Be honest with yourself, and others.
Be strong, through vulnerability.
P.S. Came across another insightful article on this topic by Tony Fahkry, which you can read here:
