Table For One
Most recently I was co-hosting a cookout where we had family fly in for a small reunion. Everyone was sitting eating and catching up. We had several tables set -up but they were all full. Being a host you usually eat last. I went to go sit and just sat by myself at an empty table and I had an epiphany.
What goes on in people’s heads when they are alone?
Keeping to yourself is healthy not ani-social. Its is only unhealthy when people use it as a way to not deal with their problems. We are afraid to talk about our anxieties in front of people in fear of what they might think. So we keep it all in and hide from the world. You ever walk into an establishment and see people sitting alone. Do you think they are happy or sad? It all depends on their life situation. Maybe they are a widower and they have no one else in their life so they go out for a little excitement to feel apart of something. Maybe they are not happy with their life and they are ready to make a big change and need time with their thoughts. Or maybe they have a great life and just need a minute to themselves.
Anxiety, depression, low self esteem it all stems from the noise in our head that we think has ultimate control over us. Some, when by themselves think they are alone in the literal sense. We think no one has this in their head. We feel no one stresses over things like I do. We believe we are worthless. We live with regret but we are wrong. Everyone lives this everyday and it is normal. Its what we do with our alone time that makes difference.
It starts when we are young. Our imaginations develop and we feel no one listens to us. We are alone our first day of school when we meet new people. We sit waiting for someone to talk to us. As we get older we do after school things like sports and music. We sit alone while we learn. We are alone while we are studying for 12 years and going through school. We are alone when we go on our first job interview. We feel we are alone when we think our parents don’t understand us and push “their” plans on us. We are alone we take our first step in the real world. We are alone we die.
Being alone is ok. But we can’t let our thoughts suffocate our brains. We should use this time to recharge our brains. We should use this time to heal. We should use this time to plan our paths. I recommend one day a week to sit by yourself alone with your thoughts. It should be done in a quiet place. For years when I didn’t work Sundays I would stay in my room for hours and let my mind wander. I would think of things in my past of what brought me up to that point in my life. I would think of my current life and things I was taking a break from like my crazy work ethic. Then I would imagine what my future would look like if I did certain things. At no point was I stressed. I didn’t have any regrets of where I was. And I was optimistic of where I was going in my life.
Even on the relationship side of things. Some people feel like they need to have somewhere there with them at all times. It puts people in forced courtships. They fear breaking up with someone because they don’t want to be “alone”. All we are doing is putting our lives in deadlock. Shit, Move on be alone for awhile it is ok. At those moments you will find out exactly who you are. When your old and grey the time alone can be greater. Maybe your significant other has passed. Or your children have moved away. But you will be left with the past 80 years of the life you have made for yourself. If you are proud of it your thoughts will be joyful memories.
If you have regret of what you “should” have done than your memories won’t exist.
That day at the cookout. Alone, I was already feeling I was living the life I imagined without any regret. My wife moments later asked why are you sitting alone come join us. Become the full filled person you aspire to be. Have time for yourself. Everyone dies alone but we can all live together. If you see me sitting alone in a restaurant when Im 80 Im ok…
Check Please!
JC
