Taming Dragons
Making habits that make us
When it came to hitting versus missing new years resolutions, and they are around the corner now, I often found myself disproportionately successful at the latter.
Aiming too high was never the issue for me, it was mostly the inability to tame the predictable dragons of doing too much too fast, heavily relying on will power, losing motivation too soon and falling prey to general procrastination.
“We first make our habits, then our habits make us.” ~John Dryden
Over last 12 months I experimented with a few new approaches to behavior change and am happy to report they have appeared to work with more efficacy than I initially feared.
For most of my life I have stuck with the mantra of bulldozing through narrowly defined tasks including eating healthy, exercising, reading, writing articles, conducting workshops & seminars, preparing lectures, etc. That generally worked really well for a couple of months. Exhausted, I would inadvertently spend the next 4–6 months throwing away semi-formed habits and related productivity gains. This rather ineffective habit loop would repeat all over again.
Here is what I learned from my last 12 months of habit forming experiments:
1. Know what rows your boat
We are all different and may respond very differently to the same stimuli. For example, some of us can consistently zone in on a treadmill for an hour. Others, like me, begin to lose their mind at the thought of running every day like this. I need variety and I mix things up by running, swimming, tennis, hiking, etc. I may anchor myself with one activity like playing tennis but peppering in other exercises of interest, is key for staying active.
Similarly, if you are trying to improve your networking skills and are intimidated by the awkwardness of reaching out to strangers, maybe start with networking within your interest domain. A hobby like cooking, cycling or painting is a great place to start as it is a comfort zone you can build upon. As you gain more confidence through your hobby network you can then start bringing self-awareness benefits into other networks including your professional and community groups, e.g.
Stay as close to your nature as possible, especially when starting out — nature creates stickiness.
2. Systems over will power
James Clear, the author of ‘Atomic Habits’ suggests we should design and develop better systems that feed into our goals. Systems are essentially processes that repeat themselves and edge us closer to our goals. An author needs a daily writing schedule to assist in finishing his book on time. An athlete diligently follows his specifically designed workouts and meals in pursuit of continuous performance improvement, expected to position him for a victory in competition.
I discovered first-hand that a system improves the odds of success dramatically by providing clarity on required effort, visibility into trackable progress and reduced reliance on will power, a relatively scarce resource. This does not mean will power is mutually exclusive to habit systems. I believe well thought out systems drive potent behavior change, especially earlier on, compared to will power alone.
For example, I was struggling with excess weight and stress to the point I started avoiding watching sports. As an avid sports fan and club-level competitor in various sports like tennis, cricket, table tennis and swimming, I was becoming increasingly uncomfortable watching others perform at the highest levels of human ability, from my warm, comfortable couch.
I finally decided to invest in a Fitbit wristband. This little gadget was my daily exercise system. Starting with 3,000 steps a day I slowly ramped up to 5,000 steps and then eventually 10,000 steps a day. By month 4, I found myself pacing around before bedtime to get in the last 100 steps to the 10,000 mark.
Given my affinity toward analytics and visuals, Fitbit was a system that worked extremely well for me. Tracking my daily steps, heart rate, calories burned, intensity, etc., I comfortably dropped 25 lbs in 1 year.
Likewise, my son was struggling to read his entire series of Harry Potter books. After watching this go on for a few months I stepped in and built a book-reading system for him. We decided my son would commit to reading a book every two weeks and record his progress in the app Goodreads. Upon finishing the book, he would update the app with a rating and a short review and also discuss with me in more detail his thoughts about the story line and its characters.
He was accountable and motivated to see his progress every night as he read a few pages before going to bed. In 2 months, with marginal parental push, my son finished reading 12 books, well ahead of our initial expectations.
Refine your self-regulation systems over time while simultaneously enhancing your will power. The former is the machine that produces results, the latter is the spark that ignites action.
3) Compounding effect
Habits generate a compounding effect on our performance that can keep us motivated and focused. According to James Clear:
1% better daily gets you to 37x better in a year and 1% worse gets you to 0 in the same time.
This suggests that consistent compounding can be used for both sharply magnifying our good habits and virtually eliminating bad ones.
Walking a bit more everyday helped me go from being able to walk for 30 minutes at a stretch to over 4 hours in just 3 months, i.e. 8x improvement. Developing a reading routine built on bed-time reading instead of internet surfing helped me read more than 30 books in 6 months compared to 3 books in the previous 6 years.
Lack of immediate results may underwhelm some in the initial stages of habit formation but accumulated effort starts paying dividends a few weeks or months down the line. Think of habits as a long-term investment versus a quick trade.
“The chains of habit are too weak to be felt until they are too strong to be broken.” ~Samuel Johnson
Only patience and consistency drive the compounding effect.
4) Be the tortoise, not the hare
My friend got hyped up for a 40-day fat loss challenge last year. He paid upfront for the program, bought new workout gear and cleared his fridge of carbs. It was an intense workout and strict diet plan. On day 4, I found he sprained his ankle and on day 15, I found him at Pizza Hut!
Like me, if you want to start walking, only and only exert what you can easily handle — could even be a tad underwhelming at first but that's your baseline. That’s far better than trying to impress yourself week 1, later realizing that was your peak. Gradually build up to a peak and take longer if need be but be careful of the speed and intensity with which you implement new habits. Too hard or too fast both will likely bring you back to square one sooner rather than later.
Slow-and-steady is the most sustainable path to predictable progress.
5) Develop keystone habits
James Clear talks about developing keystone habits that have positive ripple effects into other productive habits. I strongly resonate with this perspective.
Similar to his experience, I too benefited from the positive ripples of exercise. I had set a goal to exercise more, sleep better, eat better and work on developing a more positive mindset. To my surprise, by just exercising one hour a day, I was falling asleep on time, too tired to wake up during the middle of the night to check my phone or carry out the occasional midnight binge-snacking, was eating appropriately during the day instead of overeating and had a far more energetic and positive start to the day.
Reading books also helped me in an interesting way. Reading at my own pace and processing the information through my own perspective helped me retain more information, which helped me stay motivated to read more and get deeper into ideas like never before. Reading opened a new learning dimension of sorts, different from watching videos or listening to audio. Not only was this a more rewarding experience but also relaxing. In addition to exercise and eating right, reading before bedtime helped me calm my brain down and sleep better.
Seek out the highest ROI (Return On Investment) habits and develop them with clear intent.
6) Habit coupling
This is not simply an efficiency hack but a fulfillment one too.
I am a big fan of walking and listening to podcasts and audio books. Combining two positive habits, where possible, almost always feels exponentially synergistic. In one hour of walk, I get both the day’s physical activity and maybe a quarter of a book completed.
Coupling also helps in on-boarding a new habit by integrating into an existing one. For example, I started checking my emails only twice a day, once with the daily morning coffee and once with the afternoon coffee. This freed my mind and time from ad hoc email engagement during the day.
I can’t help but feel satisfied and even proud at the end of such 2-for-1 activities. Instead of trading off one task for the other, sensing chaos creeping in, I feel I am able to ‘master the moment’ and carry a positive momentum throughout the day.
Coupling is practical and powerful. Use it often and it will ‘extend’ your day.
In summary, whether you are just getting started or already well underway in designing a better life for yourself, these 6 tips should hopefully facilitate your journey:
- Greater self awareness
- Better habit forming systems
- Refining the consistency mindset
- Keeping the gradual pace
- Focusing on high-impact habits
- Integrating habit-coupling
Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going.” ~Jim Ryun
