Why is it that we struggle to be content with what we have despite living in one of the most prosperous eras of human history?

The 2008 financial crisis and the aftermath of COVID haven’t been easy, but neither of these compares with the horrors of the previous century.

No matter which way we look at it, we’re experiencing life in a way that no one in the past ever thought would be possible.

Ask yourself this question.

If you could live the rest of your life as you do right now, would that be enough?

You may feel obligated to say yes, but when you really think about it, the answer is probably no.

There’s always something we could do with more of, whether that’s money, a bigger house, or more free time. It’s not just a matter of wanting more either.

We crave more.

1. We Adapt to What We Have

Growing up as a child, I didn’t get pocket money and I didn’t really understand the meaning of it. All I knew was that adults would put a magic card in a machine and out came lots of paper notes.

But then I turned 13 and had my first ever bank account. Suddenly, I wanted money, but not really to spend it. I just wanted to be able to experience the satisfaction of using that magic card.

I went from not caring about money to hoarding it.

The brain deals with new events much quicker than you think. It likes a challenge and will find ways to solve them. But sometimes, the solutions it comes up with only create further problems, and we end up in a never-ending cycle of wanting more.

How else could I have gone from not caring about something like money to suddenly wanting it?

How I’m breaking the cycle:

Become aware of when something new happens in your life. Have your priorities changed, and if so, has it impacted your habits?

Whatever it is, you don’t need to fight it, you just need to be mindful of the consequences that it could bring.

2. Our Habits Change as We Gain More

During university, I would consciously avoid buying expensive lunches and instead opt for a £3 meal deal. It only came with a sandwich, a drink of your choosing, and a packet of crips, but I felt paying any more than that would be a waste.

I was a student, and the thought of spending upwards of £10 for one meal baffled me. When everyone around you leads a similar lifestyle, it can have a powerful effect on your own habits.

But then, after graduating, I started working and things changed. I didn’t view money as such a precious commodity anymore, and I started placing more value on experiences instead.

There were so many restaurants and cafes near my workplace, and it didn’t help that all my work colleagues would bring these delicious-smelling meals into the office at lunch.

I had to experience it for myself.

It didn't take long before I told myself I could never go back to £3 meal deals. What’s a cold sandwich compared to a delicious Thai green curry?

Unwittingly, I fell into a trap. That the more you make, the more you spend. While I didn’t go as far as living paycheck to paycheck, it taught me an important lesson.

Don’t live beyond your means.

How I’m breaking the cycle:

A simple way of being able to change your habits is to ask yourself this question.

If I was forced to to take a 50% pay cut today, what lifestyle changes would I need to make?

If you can answer that question quickly, then why not act on it now?

3. Humans Are Competitive by Nature

Throughout history, we’ve always tried to associate ourselves with people like us. We formed tribes, and then fought against other tribes who held different views to our own.

We like to think that we’ve moved on from that, but even in the modern era, tribes still exist, and they still compete against one another. Just look at how passionate supporters of a particular sports team get, or look at the rivalry between two opposing political parties.

When our tribe does well, we feel like we’ve achieved something. Yet, this still doesn’t quench our thirst for success.

I had a friend who was a massive football fan. He supported a local club and was excited about the news that they had qualified to play in a regional league. I asked what he would want next.

He thought for a while and said the next goal would be for them to win, and then to be able to play in the national league.

OK, and what about the champions league, or perhaps the World Cup even?

I think you’re starting to get the picture. On an individual level, competition can be healthy, but it can also lead to unhappiness and a sense of being left behind.

On a group level, however, our tribes will keep pushing until there’s no competition left to speak of.

How I’m breaking the cycle:

Know that it’s human nature to be competitive. It’s why we’re still here as the dominant species on Earth. But our individual need to compete for resources isn’t necessary anymore.

Most of us are fortunate enough to have food and shelter, so instead, we’ve turned to compete over abstract and material things like who has the biggest car.

“Don’t envy what people have, emulate what they did to have it.”— Tim Fargo

4. We’re Surrounded by Comparisons

I grew up in an Asian household where education was the top priority for children.

It wasn’t uncommon for me to hear about other relatives who had done well or gone to a prestigious university.

People like to show off accomplishments, not because of any malicious intent, but because they feel proud.

Unfortunately, while it can be a source of motivation, it can also make us feel like we haven’t done enough.

What good is an A when your distant relative achieved an A*?

But you’re not that distant relative. You are you. With your own experiences, and your own journey.

How I’m breaking the cycle:

Everyone walks a different path in life. Some have it easy, and others have it hard.

But no matter how successful a person becomes, that success is the result of their own actions, and often those actions were fraught with difficulty.

Focus on yourself instead of others. Only then, will you be able to find success.

5. We Want to Be the Best

For many years, I was hooked on a game called ‘League of Legends’. There’s a ranked ladder and the goal is to reach the highest possible tier to unlock the best rewards.

I wanted to reach gold. It was nowhere near the highest; Challenger, but it meant I could get a special banner at the end of the season.

To get better, I would spend weekends watching videos from professional players, and I would read guides so that I could improve my gameplay.

But League of Legends is not a solo game. Instead, it’s team-based, and you’re forced to work with different players who you’ve never met before.

No matter how good you are at the game as an individual player, if you don’t work with your team, then winning games and climbing the ladder becomes a struggle.

How I’m breaking the cycle:

Life is not a solo game. It’s meant to be enjoyed with others, but unlike League of Legends, you get to choose who you enjoy it with.

While we can strive to be the best, just like a game, life has a leaderboard too.

And although there will always be people above you, there are just as many, if not more, below you too.

“The goal is not to be better than the other man, but your previous self.” — Dalai Lama XIV

6. We’re Drawn by Success

Social media has devalued the meaning of hard work.

Whenever I’m on Youtube or Instagram, there’s always an ad featuring someone talking about how much money they‘ve made through some magic process they’re willing to teach you.

And they always make a point to include their mansion and supercar in the background to catch your attention.

It’s not just celebrities luring us in, but a new category of influencers. The ones that make getting rich look like child’s play.

But it’s not child’s play.

Behind every influencer and celebrity is a person that’s dedicated hours and hours of hard work. But we’re not interested in that. We’re interested in seeing how we can become like them as fast as possible.

There’s something strangely addictive about the whole thing. As though we want to know so that we can prepare for it ourselves one day.

How I’m breaking the cycle:

Success means different things to different people. You may or may not be money-driven, but just because someone else is, it doesn’t make your goals unworthy.

Success to you could mean raising a family that you can be proud of or reaching a certain stage in your career.

Whatever it is, don’t let someone else’s success become your benchmark.

7. We Want to Please Others

In Bronnie Ware’s The Top Five Regrets of the Dying, she commented that people on their deathbed shared a common type of guilt.

“I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”

This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.

So many of our life decisions revolve around pleasing our parents, family and friends, but if those choices don’t align with what we want, can we really blame ourselves for not wanting more?

How I’m breaking the cycle:

Ask yourself if you’re living life true to yourself. Are the choices you make your own, or for the sake of someone else?

If those choices don’t make you happy, then no matter what you do, it will never feel enough.

I’ve met people who have far less than me, yet they still manage to smile. Despite all the hardships, how is it that they’re so much happier than the rest of us?

It’s not that they’ve lost their ambition, or they’ve given up on their goals.

What they’ve come to realise is that the secret’s about valuing what’s around them.

Take a step back and appreciate the relationships you’ve fostered, the career you’ve worked towards, or the home you’ve built.

If you’re able to do that, then you’ve unlocked the key to finding happiness.