The Art of Healing Your Little World
Mahatma Gandhi said, “You must be the change you want to see in the world.”
I recently watched the critically acclaimed movie, Gandhi. Must say, it got me thinking. I do believe, the movie was no doubt a hit, not only because of all the incredible acting but also because of the powerful words and the message that it conveys.
Mahatma Gandhi was not a man with a strong voice and he knew it. He was but a man with strong words which he translated into actions. People follow men who keep their word.
Well, the world may not need the change it once longed for. So, our struggle is not with another nation or against the government. But, we are still fighting a battle within ourselves. Still struggling to understand conventional social cues.
So, here is a list of things we need to remind ourselves daily, to make our space, our world a better place.
‘Being kind’ is the new cool
Remember the gush of happiness you feel when someone describes you as one of the following — Smart, Intelligent, Genius. That’s right. Hold on to it for a while.
Tall, dark and handsome is no longer the kind of men, women want. It’s been replaced with “I want someone smart”. But according to American Mensa, nearly 70% of the world population lies in the normal intelligence quotient (IQ) and nearly 1% lies in the genius or near the genius scale. So, chances are, if you are meeting someone, they most probably lie in the normal IQ level. And let’s face it, it’s one in a million chance that you might meet a genius.
Personally, I think it’s great to find yourself a genius. But it doesn’t matter how smart you are if you don’t know how to treat other people right. The notorious serial killer — Ted Bundy had an IQ of 136, which lies in the above average range.
Smartness can only be appreciated if it is accompanied by kindness. Kindness can never go out of fashion and it’s free.
That said, I am not of an opinion that we should no fight for what is right. ‘Knowing what is right’ is what makes us truly smart.
Don’t ever forget
Although this might seem like a negative trait, it is human tendency to remember things that have hurt or made a very significant impact on our lives. This makes it a positive trait.
The following diagram will help you understand why experiences are very important in our lives.
It’s because this is the only way we learn. Good or bad, we learn from experiences and that experience is strong enough to changes us. When we are not treated right, we either end up learning and vow ourselves to never do it again or we end up doing the same to others. Either way, we make that choice.
Respect is earned.
“Treat people the way you want to be treated. Talk to people the way you want to be talked to. Respect is earned. Not given”
— Hussein Nishah
In order to earn respect, we need to give it. Don’t we all know that? But, still I find myself forgetting this from time to time. It is because it’s hard to realize where it applies.
Whenever I came home after work, I noticed that our lift-man (the one who operates the elevator) never called the elevator until I reached the elevator door. Even if he sees me coming from afar. He knows that if he calls the elevator when he sees me walking towards it, by the time I reach the elevator door, the elevator would be there waiting for me. I don’t know if he does it for anyone else but he definitely, never did it for me.
So, one day I explained and requested him to call the elevator before I reach. He did it for 1 day and then stopped. Yes, it made me furious. Very furious. I live in a building with 23 floors, let’s just say the elevator takes its own sweet time to come the Level 0.
One day while on my way out of the elevator, I looked at the lift-man and greeted him, “Good Morning” with a smile. That day nothing changed. Wasn’t expecting a change anyway. But I was not going to give up, was I?
Did the same the next day and the day after. Finally, on the 3rd day, to my surprise, I saw him call the lift before I reached the elevator door. Made my day. I thanked him. And soon after, the elevator elevated the ‘happy me’ to my floor. He did that every day since then just as I greeted him every day since then.
Commitment and hard work are not the same
I had the opportunity to train 6 people in my previous organization. An amazing experience, not only because I could mentor young minds but also I could learn something new from them.
Within a month, all of them were quite ready to do their tasks on their own. All equally impressive. So, I let them do their thing and would review the tasks they performed at the end of the day.
It came to my notice, there was some competition between two of the interns. Let’s call them Tim and Sarah. So, just out of curiosity, I started looking into their working patterns. Both equally smart, hardworking and dedicated. Tim would pick up on tasks and stay back in the office until he was done. No matter how late. Sarah would do the same. But Tim more often than not.
One day, Tim came up to me and although respectfully, blamed me and the department for favouring Sarah more than him. He pointed out he stayed back more than Sarah and always got the work done before leaving. To which I agreed, he did work hard.
Although I disagreed with his claim of partiality, I decided to monitor myself and the department to see if there was any truth to it. And there definitely, was.
I called Tim the next day. I pointed out that while Tim did submit all his work before time and was always ahead of schedule, Sarah would take an extra day. But that is, if someone else in the department needs an extra hand. She would analyze the importance of her work and the work of the one who needs help and would accordingly give a helping hand, while also completing her tasks on time if not before. This pattern is called commitment. Commitment to the organization, to her job. This is very different than hard work.
What Tim termed as ‘favours’ was in fact Gratitude which she received from her colleagues. And it is very important to have both in any social interaction.
What’s your direction?
Nehru: Bapuji, the whole country is moving.
Gandhi: Yes. but in what direction?
It is indeed difficult to move ahead and take the next step. But before we do so, it’s very important to know the direction we want to take. Moving forward may not always mean progress. It’s only progress if we are moving forward in the direction we want to go. It’s not just as a professional, as an individual too. And yes, for some people the direction changes from time to time which is fine, as long as we work hard towards accomplishing them.
“It’s better to be slow and careful in the right direction than to be fast and careless on the wrong path. Be sure that you are on the right path before you begin to take your steps!”
— Israelmore Ayivor, Daily Drive 365
Words are powerful
Our words can make someone cry, break a heart, pass a judgement, gift freedom, start a war and begin a revolution. And do we still think it’s not powerful enough?
Said by Mahatma Gandhi —
Keep your thoughts positive,
Because your thoughts become your words.
Keep your words positive,
Because your words become your behaviour.
Keep your behaviour positive,
Because your behaviour becomes your habits.
Keep your habits positive,
Because your habits become your values.
Keep your values positive,
Because your values become your destiny.
‘Being funny’ is a talent
We often say something about somebody and laugh pointing out that it was just a joke. But it’s important to remember that it’s only a joke when the person we are talking about is also laughing. Otherwise, it’s just rude.
The best kind of joke is the joke we make on our-self and our ability to laugh at it.
Love is just a feeling
I told this to a friend recently and she snapped back at me by saying, “You think so because you have never been in love”. Well, it’s true. What do I know about love?
I still have dreams about my departed grandmother every day because I couldn’t tell her that I am not angry with her and I’m sorry for everything, before she died. But, what do I know about love? I wish I could tell my parents that I remember everything I saw, since I was 8 years old but I don’t because I know that will only hurt them. But, what do I know about love? I listened to every problem this very friend had, day in and day out and listened to her cries for a guy she will never have, without even complaining once. But, what do I know about love?
So, I may not know much about love but this is what I know. Love doesn’t mean fulfilling all expectations. Love is not blind. Love is letting-go. Love includes jealousy but it also mean not acting upon it. Need for someone may not always mean love. Love does not mean happily-ever-after. Love is unconditional. Love is in understanding. Love may change with time but it always leaves behind respect.
Life goes on
Last but not least, Life goes on. Life is full of experiences. We have a story to tell for every emotion. We laugh, we cry. We love, we hate. We raise, we fall. We live until we die.
“Life doesn’t require that we be the best, only that we try out best.
— H. Jackson Brown Jr.
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