The buyer’s remorse blues
Why do we often feel guilty for treating ourselves?
It’s 8pm. After a long day of sticking it to the man and navigating my way through life, I open my spam email and click through to an online store with a decent sale running. ‘I need a new jacket’, I think to myself, quickly followed by ‘why are jackets still so expensive in summer?’ I soon realise that sweaters are like jackets that don’t flap around when you walk for half the price, and cue the beginning of a two-hour, ten-store browse — culling different sweaters from shopping carts based on determinants such as price, material, colour and even thickness.
It’s been tough, but I decide on the one. It’s beautiful. How have I been living without it? It’s a travesty. I click checkout, ignore the terrifying fact that the store already knows my account details, and read that standard line of ‘your items are on their way’.
There it is.
Chest becomes tight, stomach turning, head racing. What have I done? Do I need this jumper that looks like the other seven I own? How many hours did I slave away at my job to even buy this?
Buyer’s remorse is a strange and uncomfortable sensation that for some is experienced each time they buy, but for others has never been felt. How have regretful shoppers like myself inherited the idea that we are not worthy of reward without subsequent guilt, and where did we even learn it from?
‘If you’re a good boy…’
Most children think about money on a superficial level: money = things. Rewarding themselves is therefore a stress-free process — they receive their allowance, see something they want, buy it, use it, and move onto the next toy or gadget. This is now aided by mobile technologies, with apps like Pennybox keeping track of money kids earn through chores or achievements and allowing them ‘cash-out’ when they are ready to buy. They don’t think to the future before they purchase in the present, and why would they? Money is something adults use, save, and worry about. So at what stage does buyer’s remorse grow in a young person’s mind? Maybe it comes with more responsibility, or even as we begin to prioritise and understand the line between need and want. But it could even go beyond this — perhaps buyer’s remorse is a side effect of how we are raised.
Two sides of the same coin
As I started to question the origin of buyer’s guilt, I decided to throw the topic to two of my friends — asking whether they had ever felt something similar when shopping for themselves. Whilst I expected Trisha’s* response to be ‘yes’, the response being ‘no’ from Angela* was unanticipated. Being in a comparable situation age, location and money-wise, I didn’t understand at first how Angela had never felt regret when buying relatively unimportant items — however, she gave justification:
“I don’t work as hard as I do for the money to sit in my account”
‘Hold on, that’s so true!’ I thought. As a young person, the idea of rewarding yourself is looked over as you are continuously told to create future plans — we work hard, yet feel guilt when we shop because we aren’t conserving that money for purchases deemed more important like a car or house deposit. So, why wouldn’t we believe that we deserve it?
Trisha — after noting that she felt ‘sick in the stomach’ every time she bought something new — explained that living in a single-income household as a child meant that being smart with money is ingrained with her, and if she buys ‘stupid things’ she self-reproaches. Angela, on the other hand, revealed that her parents gave her what she wanted ‘within reason’ as a child, and has therefore become accustomed to this form of reward. It’s obvious that these opposing views on ‘treating yo’self’ had stemmed from vastly different upbringings — our level of apprehension towards self-reward can depend on how rewards were presented to us as children. That being said, Angela is still thoughtful with her hard-earned money regardless of childhood — deeming her purchases important to her. This insight, then, doesn’t quite explain how people decide what a ‘stupid thing’ to buy is in the first place.
You deserve it…probably, maybe?
It’s no secret that buying a ‘want’ is satisfying. It’s exciting when you swap your cash for a shopping bag with the receipt inside, or come home to find a package on your doorstep like Christmas — in such an aggressive period of consumerism and marketing more will always be more. No matter how satisfied we feel, however, remorse can quickly set in. This has been further complicated by the different feelings experienced when buying online as opposed to offline — online can’t offer instant gratification, whilst offline allows for more impulsiveness and less deliberation. It’s a lose-lose.
No matter the method, guilt is perhaps felt because we haven’t fully convinced ourselves that we need the item before we buy it, and therefore we are not able to justify it afterwards — making us regretful for under-thinking that Bluetooth headset or vegetable pasta-maker. Overthinkers, however, might allow the prospects of the future rule their present decisions, and this can’t be beneficial either. This leads me to question whether consistently working hard is a reason for reward, or just motivation to save for bigger and better things.
Whatever the answer, the main problem guilty shoppers like me face is the doubt that surrounds whether we deserve to self-reward in the first place. Would our 10-year old selves have this concern? Maybe the only answer is to simplify how we treat ourselves and tap into your inner-child. You Jr. will probably tell you that if you’ve worked hard for it, it’s okay — just buy it, use it, and move on. What a smart, stress-free kid you were.
* Names have been changed for privacy.
Do you suffer from post-treat-yo-self guilt? Does it affect your everyday buying decisions? Let us know in the comments!
And don’t forget to check out Pennybox on Facebook for the latest tips and tales for educating kids about money.
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