The Case Against Setting Goals for Children
Strategies for success
While working with parents of middle school children I realized that most parents wanted their children to be self-driven and goal-oriented. However, their parenting styles commonly fell into two extremes: some went into an overdrive of authority, while others were laissez-faire. Parents often found it hard to straddle the fine line between instilling structure and inculcating independence.
Many times we perpetuate what we learned from our parents. My parents were very function-oriented. If an activity did not serve a useful purpose in their eyes, it was out — we were encouraged to study or help with the housework, and everything else was seen as secondary.
The issue of giving our child the right amount of direction is a life long struggle for some of us. It is especially heightened now in remote learning when the distinction between play and school seems hard to define and even harder to enforce as the morning-evening rhythm is gone, and weekdays-weekends blur.
The first instinct in such situations is to proactively create a structure for children. But, if children rely solely on their parents to define their goals, they will struggle to become independent as they grow.
This brings us to the harder, but much more valuable task: To…
