The Great Unknown
So I’m 22.
In the grand scheme of things, that’s quite young. And young is always relative; growing up I always thought people a couple years my senior had their shit completely together, and then I figured out all that was a ruse every time I personally became that age and still did not, in fact, have my own shit together.
Yet there’s something so unsettling about being in your early twenties. Graduating college and moving from the top of one food chain to the bottom of another makes you understand how young you actually are to the rest of the world, a thought that is relieving in a sense because you realize you still have time and simultaneously frightening because how the hell are people supposed to take you seriously when they think you’re an actual child?
I’m stuck in this balance where my whole life of school after school after school has led me to a point where now I’m supposed to amass all my education and apply it to this grand venture for which I’ve supposedly been preparing this entire time. But what do I even want to do?? Is there a “right” thing to do?? It certainly feels like there is, considering all the advice, nudges, suggestions, and pressure sent my way by nearly everyone. And I know that people want to help, and I know that I do want to pursue a career in……something, but I just can’t help but think that this whole process is such a crapshoot. There are so many unwritten rules about the ins and outs of applications, resumes, and interviews that you’d think the job search world were Italian social norms. And beyond that, it’s so taboo to have varying interests when it comes to career searching that if you don’t have a firm idea of what you want to do, it’s nearly impossible to narrow your focus and apply all your energy, talent, and qualifications to anything you might actually have a marginal shot of attaining.
I mean, look at me. I’m so indecisive I had to add a second major. And my job experience doesn’t even align with my majors. So where does that put me? I didn’t plan ahead for careers like other kids who spent summers at Google or Goldman Sachs, toiling for countless unpaid hours while weaseling their way toward a larger network of connections just flimsy enough to withstand a LinkedIn message later on down the road asking about any full-time positions opening up after graduation. I never formed a true idea of the kind of work I want to do, nor the setting/hours/salary. In truth, I wanted to do it all. And that doesn’t mean I didn’t try to find a narrower focus: I went to conferences and listened to panels of professionals speak about their experiences and their work in the industry; I pursued informational interviews with people whose jobs are so high up in the professional ranks I can’t even fathom taking their daily coffee orders; I sat with my senior honors thesis advisor professor for hours every week, dedicating time to reviewing my translation work and then staying another hour at least to listen to him tell me his opinions on entering grad school too early and me needing to take time to travel after graduation. I tried to understand what I really wanted. Either I didn’t try hard enough, or the answer didn’t manifest itself. Maybe the answer still doesn’t exist.
I guess I’ve been feeling lost. That is, until I happened upon a job opportunity that I applied to before graduating, thinking it would be a short stint of part-time work to get me by while I look for something more concrete. It turned into something more substantial and (hopefully) more fulfilling, which excites me, especially since it’s a nonprofit with a mission in which I am wholeheartedly invested. Even more recently I stumbled upon a coaching job while inquiring about a rowing club membership, something that excites me as I had graduated upon reaching the peak of my collegiate rowing career and now I don’t have to let it go quite yet. These opportunities are wonderful, and as I think about them more and more I feel lucky to have found them by accident and to be doing not one but TWO things that are so fundamentally attached to who I am as a person — and call them my JOBS. I can only hope that in the future, whatever full-time opportunities I find will give me that same feeling. Because I have never been one to settle or forfeit — so why start now, with all these years ahead of me to conquer?
