The Job Market Was Too Competitive So I Took An Unpaid Internship At 25
I realized if I wanted to chase my dreams I needed to make some sacrifices. Here are the lessons I learned that you can use too.
In today’s world, everyone wants to get rich quick. We want the financial freedom to live our lives unhindered. Most of us will do anything to achieve success. If you enjoy reading stories that might inspire you, I wrote this for you.
Is There A Secret To Success?
Twenty-year-olds are making thousands on YouTube. At twenty, I was a server. Five years later, I’ve glimpsed the secret to manifesting your dreams. And the secret to securing your dream job is not waitressing while applying to prestigious positions — at least it wasn’t for me.
I don’t think it’s that big of a secret. I think everyone knows the secret to success but avoids it.
Here’s one thing I have learned: being talented does not guarantee a seat at the table. My family always called me an artist. So, I grew up thinking because my family had recognized me as “talented,” I would become successful. I believed Creatives could survive on talent alone.
There’s some truth to that sentiment. People are attracted to genius. Forbes mentions recruiters prefer people with a natural talent over those with a perfect resume. But I know people who sit on their natural ability and let it collect dust.
Headhunters aren’t considering them.
My unadulterated love for words hadn’t magically made me into a writer. Any “talent” I may have had gathered dust. At the pace our society advances, I felt like a late entry to the game of life.
Success has begun to feel like a game of chance. There are articles everywhere telling you how to increase ‘your odds.’ Most books on the bestseller list will tell you, in some fashion, how to get ahead in life.
And all those books allude to one thing — the whole world just wants to dream. But life has become extremely competitive for those who want to dream and survive.
If I wanted to be an artist, I had a couple of options. One option was I continue living a mediocre life, insisting I wanted to be a Creative. The other option was I could work even harder to become a Creative. After several years of podcasts and dreaming, I finally chose to start putting in the work. I know it’s cliche but actions are what propel you forward, not advice.
Motivational books share one regular message, to work hard. But ironically, motivational books remain at the top of bestsellers lists because people don’t do the work. I mean who hasn’t picked up a self-help book hoping to discover the shortcut to success?
Advice Isn’t Enough, Sometimes It Takes Action
I picked up How To Win Friends And Influence People from my father’s bookshelf at 13. My obsession with self-help books commenced probably at the end of the first page.
I began to read self-help books like a crash dieter. I was picking up new ones as soon as the old book ran out of tips. I internalized very little of the could-have-been life-changing advice I read. I was reading but I wasn’t ready to make any real changes. I was afraid of trying and failing.
If truth be told, we can find advice in every corner of our lives. Yet, there’s so much helpful advice in the world that won’t be used.
Can self-help books change your life? No, but you can.
We live in a world of automation. But prosperity can’t be automated. To change your life, you make adjustments day-by-day. Discovering which lifestyle alterations will bring you closer to your goal takes practice.
To practice (verb) means, “to perform (an activity) or exercise (a skill) repeatedly or regularly in order to improve or maintain one’s proficiency.”
Basically; to practice means regularly working hard at something so you can be successful. If you approach life like a pro-athlete you’d see that life is more about the journey (practices) than any single game.
Life is a collection of star-studded victories and down-in-the mud losses. When looking back you’d take pride in your whole career, not just one win.
It’s okay to have a goal, the sense of direction will help give you purpose. The take-away: realizing once you’ve recognized your goals you’ll spend your whole life ‘in-training’.
Finding Goals To Strive Toward
You can try to advance toward your goals by trying unknown and uncomfortable things. Challenge your way of reasoning. Learning is great, but you also have to internalize those ideas with action.
For those who can’t figure out what to do with their lives — try as many new things as possible. Experiencing something for the first time releases the feel-good chemical dopamine.
A rush of dopamine can encourage us to try it again. This process is called “neurogenesis, or the creation of new neurons and new neural connections.”
We begin to see a different world of possibilities ahead of us.
You Can’t Change Someone Who Doesn’t Want To Change (Including You)
Having a parent who struggles with substance abuse is challenging. My mother’s addictions became even harder to sympathize with as I entered my twenties. I completely distanced myself from her, thinking maybe ostracization would convince her to get clean.
It didn’t.
I’d use this adage when I spoke to my grandmother; we can’t force her to change until she’s ready to do the work.
I thought I sounded wise.
When in actuality, what I’d said to my grandma also described myself. It describes a lot of people, even those who think they are ready to do the work.
It’s not that I didn’t want to change. I’d day-dream about all the endless possibilities, and yet I’d accomplish nothing. I wasn’t making the necessary sacrifices to succeed. Instead, I gave anxiety and perfectionism complete control over my life.
At that realization, I asked myself, how could I tell my mother to work harder?
I’d always sneered at her failures, stupefied. Why she couldn’t just make better choices and get her life together? Haughtily I’d to say to her, can’t you see your habits are only making you feel worse about yourself?
When you point a finger at someone, there’s three more pointing back at you.
It isn’t that my mother is empty-headed, she’s a brilliant woman. But now I also see she’s backed up into a corner. To fight your way out of the corner of a ring, you use everything you’ve ever learned to get out.
It’s hard work to follow your dreams. My mother must be exhausted.
And with that, I realized the beautiful woman who helped raise me doesn’t need my finger pointing at her. Watching my mother struggle is a constant reminder of how easily fear can grab ahold. This is what happened to me, and it is how my mother lives.
As much as I love and respect my mother, my biggest fear is to become her. She had dreams when she was younger of being a model and interior designer. She never gave herself a chance and she never made it past her fear.
Lesson number one, if you want to move ahead in life, give yourself a chance.
Fear Had Come To Rule Over My Decisions
I didn’t want to be discovered as a fraud. I didn’t want to fail. I didn’t want to experience any discomfort. So I didn’t try. What if I worked super hard and it still wasn’t good enough?
In college, I studied carelessly. I spent most of my time eagerly listening to podcasts on how to become successful. I really thought those podcasts would show me the right path for my life. So college came and went. I had no clue who I was. The podcasts hadn’t solved my problems.
So, I went on a solo backpacking trip. I slept on strangers’ couches. I lived in a yurt. I meditated in a monastery. I thought the trip would make me feel alive.
But all the while, I kept looking for some sign of life within me. I stayed in a deep slumber.
I couldn’t wake up, and believe me, I tried. I’d been working my whole life, it seemed, to feel in control of my choices. My choices became a game of chicken; maybe I’ll win this time. I felt stuck. Nothing I did was making me successful. I transformed into a zombie. I was attempting to build my self-esteem out of the praise of others. When there was no praise I felt rejected and consequently a failure.
I had to start making different choices. I had to start thinking differently. I moved to New York City.
Making Changes
When I first moved to the city, I’d catch myself staring at skyscrapers like a tourist and scold myself. But staring up at those buildings helped me stay present in reality. I’d remind myself that my current choices had successfully carried me this far.
I began to have hope that I wouldn’t hold myself back anymore.
I only needed to pick a direction, but in front of me was a thick blanket of fog. What should I do with my life? What is my purpose? I’d gotten this far, what’s next? Why wasn’t I getting any interviews?
I started slipping back into my head, back into fear.
Lesson Number Two: Find something that pulls you back into reality and realigns your focus. Taking a walk downtown, manhattan usually sends me to my desk in a productive-flurry.
But It’s Not Enough to Want Change and Expect Doors to Open to You
Sometimes the timings just off, the job market is stiff, or you might not have enough experience. This happened to me, I wasn’t making it to the second round of interviews. But what could I do to turn things around?
Turns out I could apply lesson one: give myself a chance. In order to do that I’d need to make an uncomfortable decision.
I started considering internships — at 25, post-college. Unpaid. I felt desperate. I googled it. Should I work an unpaid internship after college? I immediately felt like a failure for even typing it out.“It does not matter if others considering me a failure,” I chanted to myself and then I squashed it.
Lesson Two and a Half: Remain humble, don’t expect praise for every decision you make.
Here’s How You Start Living Your Life to the Fullest
A lot of my choices haven’t lead me to success. I’ve accepted it’s a normal part of life not to find gold every time I try to.
Sure, I’ve done a lot at my age.
I’ve put my body through the motions. I try to remember all the little details of the places I go to. I’ll stare at an intriguing building, count to ten, and hold on to the image. Later I’ll use my recollections to prove that I am awake and living.
Except I wasn’t awake. I’d been in a dream state.
Only observing the world around you is not living. It’s like you’re sleep-walking and not participating in your own life. Living makes life feel worthwhile. Observing makes your reality and dreams feel disconnected.
So, I held onto this belief that if I took any action at all, my life would move forward. Again, I was wrong. But hey it’s trial and error.
You can make a bunch of choices and end up nowhere that you want to be. Shuffling around a Pawn on a chessboard would not do the job. I needed to make the critical moves. I was about to get uncomfortable.
Lesson Three: An easy way to succeed? It doesn’t exist.
Sacrificing Your Comfort Can Put You on the Road to Success
Until this very year, I lived as an observer, too terrified to try.
Assuming that I had to study more, read more, watch more — in order to choose the right path. At that rate, I would’ve been an observer infinitely. I couldn’t pick a direction because I was terrified of picking the wrong one.
Here’s something I didn’t think about till I got the idea to write this article:
I’d never made any significant sacrifices to accomplish my goals in college. None of the choices I’d made before had carried any real risk.
A no-risk life seems appealing, but trust me it’s not. My spirit was being drained by my constant need to prepare for life. I lost track of who I was and what I wanted. My life was in a loop.
Was I not achieving my goals because I always stopped before things became too permanent? Do I have deep-rooted commitment issues, or am I just afraid?
Lesson Four: Facing a fear of failure is remarkably hard, compassion for yourself is definitely needed.
Thankfully, I reached a climax. I could feel change seething under the surface. Enough was enough. If the high-paying jobs didn’t think I was qualified, then I was going to have to do something unthinkable.
Unpaid internships began popping up during all of my job searches.
I may have to work for free. It’s a good way to gain more skills. It’s a chance to network. It’s time to do the thing!
I was convincing myself at that point. Hanging off the cliff with just my pinky finger, I let go.
The Sacrifices You Should Make to Succeed
An unpaid internship became my toe in the door. It was almost humiliating to take a position that didn’t pay. I had to ask myself why would it be? I don’t need to shame myself for taking a step back to better myself. I got an unpaid position with a small Fair Trade company. I was so proud of my gig.
I was finally apart of the New York City Fashion Industry. There was no room for shame when I was busting with excitement.
Doing a job without getting paid was oddly exhilarating, taboo even. The stakes were high for once. The more late nights there were, the more excited I became.
I wanted to do well. I worked on the weekends even when my boss told me not to. I had no desire to be lazy. A victory was just around the corner.
Perhaps being successful doesn’t only involve getting paid big bucks. You can also describe success as feeling interested in your own life.
Dr. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyis’ work on flow-states tells us that when you’re doing work that you enjoy, it’s easier to enter a flow-state. I’m particularly fond of this quote from him:
“The best moments in our lives are not the passive, receptive, relaxing times — The best moments usually occur if a person’s body or mind is stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile.”
— Csikszentmihalyi, 1990.
It’s just as Csikszentmihalyi says. The most rewarding moments in my life have admittedly been when I was pushed outside of my capabilities. A part of my mind has started to roar into a pleasurable hum.
I’ve begun to admit that I’ve always had it within me to become great.
Lesson Five: Even If we were born with a road map to life, we’d still ignore the directions. To grow as a person, we have to overcome challenges.
But just because something is hard doesn’t mean it can’t be great fun. Nothing worthwhile will be handed to you. Another adage I repeat to myself while working long nights.
Let’s Be Realistic About The Risks We Can Afford To Take
Admittedly, taking on an unpaid internship when your quote-on-quote adulting isn’t an easy decision. Luckily, I have a remote position that takes care of the basics. But having two jobs means I’m pulling a lot of late nights to get the additional work done.
If you’re wondering if I regret my decision or asking yourself, is an unpaid internship right for me? I’ll let you know my thoughts on that shortly.
To make serious changes in my life, I needed to step right into the line of fire.
There was no more room to be an observer of my life.
A friend of mine used to tell me I had been searching for easy solutions to complicated problems. It used to infuriate me. Now I see it’s true.
To illustrate, I believed if I wrote a book, I’d be someone others considered successful. My proposed collection of lyrical essays would win a prize. My so-called talent would be enough to get me an agent. I didn’t want to study grammar basics. I didn’t want to read more. I didn’t want to work hard. I just wanted to do something and automatically be good at it.
I craved instant recognition.
When I mixed my ego with a desperate need for recognition, my mind looked for shortcuts. Shortcuts almost always lead to failure. There are three unfinished manuscripts on my laptop right now.
I wasn’t taking the right action. But was taking an unpaid internship finally the right decision for my future?
A Hard Decision That Could Change Everything
One of my siblings is a marketing communications guru. They’re also a firm believer that creatives need to get paid for their work. When I told them I had taken on an unpaid internship, they said —
Oh, but I wish it paid you.
Of course, I too would have preferred the position to have been paid. But I took another look at my resume, and then I looked at the job market. There was no clear victory in sight.
Sometimes you need to choose delayed gratification. Studies can confirm that people who dabble in delayed gratification are likely to be successful.
My Final Take On Taking An Unpaid Internship At 25, Post-College
I wasn’t getting the jobs I wanted. And the truth of the matter was I needed more experience. Without more practice, I’d never dust off any natural talent I had.
Taking an unpaid internship wasn’t a shortcut, and perhaps that alone is enough to convince me I took the right path.
I gained new experiences. I developed new skill sets. I grew my network. What did I lose, a bit of my ego, and some sleep? The sacrifice was worth it. I might even take another unpaid internship (if I have too.)
Lesson Six: Rejection is not the end of a journey.
It’s not easy to take a path that doesn’t seem immediately profitable. Just keep those successful people who practice delayed gratification, in mind. Also, be a realist and ask yourself these four questions:
- Will this decision benefit me in the long-run?
- Can I manage my basic needs during an unpaid position?
- Am I willing to work hard to be better?
- Am I going to show up for myself and my team without money to motivate me?
For me, the answers to those questions were the same. I took the job. And sometimes, sacrifices make the work so much sweeter than you ever considered possible.
