The Life-Lessons I Gained, While Learning To Cook By Myself
..and committing blissful gastronomic blunders along the way.
Back then when I was away from home for college, I used to call up my mother every day during lunch-hour and asked her about- what she’d be eating today.
Most often than not, she had a stock reply ready:
“Both my daughters are away from home. Your father is in the office. Why should I cook for myself? The leftover from last night (or the night before) is enough for me.”
The irony was — for dinner, she used to plan ahead and prepare an elaborate meal for my knackered father.
However, being the picky eater he was(is), most of the days he whined about — taste was not up-to-the-mark.
Leaving aside the gender politics and power dynamics here, this recurrent incident taught me two things-
a) pleasing others suck (here, context is important)
b) in my part of the world (SE Asia), showing love towards one’s own-self is scorned at. Or do it but don’t show it.
The gender-role that plays behind cooking in my land, made me kitchen-averse for one-third of life (how did I survive on takeaways/instant noodles/boiled eggs for so long- is still a mystery to me).
To cut the long story short, I joined ‘cook for yourself, if not for someone else’ bandwagon pretty late.
And since then, my culinary escapades taught me some valuable things about life and other s**ts.
Lesson 1: (Again) Being a people-pleaser sucks
The first lesson is easy to preach but hard to practice.
More so, when you’re an introvert like me ( or as my mother had been).
I am emphasizing on the introvert part here because the struggle is real for us. Yet the journey has to start from somewhere.
Key takeaway:
It’s an art to make yourself the first priority in life, without being an A-hole to others. Nevertheless, the reward is amazing.
Lesson 2: Asserting choice is the coolest thing to do
When we stretch the first point, the word ‘assertion’ rears its head.
Example:
I love boiled eggs and potatoes in my chicken biryani. My partner doesn’t.
The previous-me would’ve skipped the egg-and-potato part to avoid even the mildest of the confrontations.
It’s only food after-all. We would poop it out in the morning anyway.
The brand-new falling-in-love-with-cooking-healthy-for-myself now cook the dish in my way (in my turn of cooking), and it’s up to him to separate the wheat from the chaff.
Key takeaway:
Asserting your choice is a slow learning process. If it doesn’t come naturally to you (it doesn’t for me), then don’t rush. Take one-step each-day.
Lesson 3: Striving for a win-win is wisest
“In a negotiation, we must find a solution that pleases everyone, because no one accepts that they MUST lose and that the other MUST win… Both MUST win!”
- Nabil N. Jamal (Lebanese Author)
The benefits of win-win negotiation are something I learned since starting cooking for myself (and occasionally for others).
I hate flour (because of a sudden spurt of health-consciousness). He reluctantly eats oatmeal but admits that it’s good for health.
We both love choco-chips.
So when I bake chocolate-chip cake now, I add oatmeal instead of flour.
The end result?
Both party (moderately) satisfied.
Key takeaway:
When creating value (even if it is baking cake), gaining absolute power might botch up things.
Whether you -
i) write a blog,
ii) teach someone a thing or two,
iii) create a product or
iv) spearhead a campaign, doing it in a way that benefits both (the end-user and you) is the best way to execute it.
And I’m not talking about monetary advantage here.
Lesson 4: Make a fool of yourself and learn
I love this quote by Samuel Beckett (being the quote-junkie I am)-
Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better.
Ever since I started cooking, I’m experimenting, messing up, and learning silly, little things along the way. Like:
a) When making a gravy with potato-cubes, first boil them and then fry them up for better end-result.
b) Brown rice takes more time than white rice to simmer.
c) To cook kidney beans, one needs to soak them up over-night. Or pressure-cook it with 3–4 whistles. But never throw it directly on the pan.
In the grand scheme of things ( raking in millions, building a start-up that will grab VC money from the word go, traveling the world), these might be nothing.
But these nuggets are surely enhancing my common sense. One spoonful at a time.
Key takeaway:
Do-fail-learn-repeat.
