Thank you for writing to me.
We are both individuals with strong opinions and precise, own needs that we do not always meet.
This is how people live in relationships. We give and we get. We give what is easy to give, and we also give such things that are not so easy to give.
We try both as much as we can, and we manage to give and receive what we get.
But some things we are less good at than we could be. It applies to both of us.
I know I have some bad properties, and I know some of your bad qualities too.
I know you dislike that I drink alcohol because I change, become stupid and say a lot of things that you experience as nonsense and unpleasant talk.
You feel unsafe and sad, and those are normal reactions.
I am glad that for a long time now I have changed my drinking habits and drink less often and fewer drinks. I see the positive effect this has on our relationship, and am happy about it. I am able to hold on to the change, also because it is better for my health, in addition to the positive effect on our relationship.
There are some things that I am not so happy about in our relationship.
I’ve experienced that for the past year, for long periods, you have been good at avoiding coming up with little constructive criticism, talking me down as a person, patronizing me and making condescending comments against me.
This is actually the one thing that I experience as the most difficult and the greatest threat to our relationship. I understand that it’s the same way to you, the alcohol is perhaps the most difficult thing in the relationship and the biggest threat to our relationship.
I am pretty sure that if I started with large-scale drinking you would probably soon end our relationship and get away. But you have to understand that my motivation for letting go of beer and wine regularly is mainly due to other reasons, as I have explained to you earlier:
- better concentration on what I am interested in pursuing (including creative writing),
- less waste time,
- a healthier way of life,
- better mornings
- — and of course, better quality in our relationship.
You should know that I greatly appreciated that you have been more nice and gentle to me this past year than you often were 2 or 3 years ago. It means very much to me, and together with the fact that we in a good way have started again with our sex life, all this has taught me that I love you very much, my Dear.
I know that for you it means a lot that I quit drinking so much. I know that this is crucial for you to stay with me.
For me, it is so that when I experience that you are not condescending against me and do not criticize me constantly, I feel fine.
I like to be the one I am with you, the one you are when you are not too stressed of everything you feel should be done inside and outside the house.
For a few days, I had been cleaning, brushing and getting off cracked paint at the playhouse and the main house, and I had painted the balcony where we were agreed that I should paint it — quite large surfaces.
I experienced it as very little satisfactory when you came home from work and started to list for me all that I had not done.
Perhaps you said a word that it was good, what I had done — I do not know — but at least you said very much about what I should have done, but that I had not done yet.
It is when you come to me like this that I feel depressed.
I lose all my joy and energy in life, and so it should not be. Neither for me nor for you.
What gives us both joy and energy is when we are good together.
We are together to get along well.
— Don’t smile at me, that’s how it is, and you know it!
We both have very much good to give the other, and so we do — almost every day!
The strongest glue between two people is closely linked to the erotic, and to the sexual life. You know this as well as I do.
You have now chosen once a month, I need it once in a week, at least.
I am sure that if you met me here, we would have a better life together for many years to come.
To a lesser extent, I would do things that you dislike, and you would to a lesser extent do things that I dislike.
I sit out here looking at the grass, the neighbor houses, and the mountains. Almost all the snow on the mountain peaks has smelted now.
I will cut the grass around the cottage. Our mower takes most of the grass here, but I have to take the tallest and tightest with the scythe. It goes well, but I am out of gasoline, so today it is mostly scythe (with defective shaft/handle), and hedge trimmer. There’s some dust coming from the road, many cars driving up here today. I have watered the road, will buy road salt tomorrow. Have also washed the outdoor furniture and the terrace around the cottage.
I think about you a lot. I think a lot about when we are together, when we are naked together, when we kiss — I like very well to kiss you, and I like everything else that is between us.
I feel that I love you, Dear.