The One Thing No One Tells You About Grieving

We can’t just move on from grief but we can find ourselves through it.

Photo by Paula May on Unsplash

Grief is a road of its own.

It forms into its own being in your life.

You suddenly enter a deep and meaningful relationship with your grieving process.

It’s yucky. And messy. Dark and fucking depressing.

It shows up like an unexpected visitor that never leaves. Before you can process what or how you feel it has taken over your life, thoughts and your home.

You have no idea who you are anymore. You don’t remember what brought you joy. You don’t remember what it’s like to smile. To think happy thoughts. To feel hope or believe in better days.

I have been in a dark cloud of grief the last few months.

I ended the toxic relationship with my mother recently after years of feeling torn about it.

It was fucking hard. So hard.

I couldn’t come to terms with truly saying goodbye to her. She was my one last hope of a parent I could possibly have a loving relationship with.

But I was only lying to myself.

And sometimes we do that.