The Power of Shaping Your Thoughts
We are our own worst enemies.
Kind of a harsh way to start an article, right? But think about it … isn’t it true?
How many times have you told yourself “I can’t do that” or “they will not like who I am”. How many times have you told yourself that something is impossible with no proof other than that voice in your head?
That little voice, your inner critic. Everyone has that critical little voice, the negative self-talk. I am in a constant battle with mine, some days it is louder than others. But I have learned to control it with a shift in my perspective and outlook in life.
Negative Self-Talk
Self-talk is not always negative. You can have reasonable and even positive conversations with yourself. Anywhere from mentally going through your to-do list for the day, or feeling pride in something you have accomplished. However, when the self-talk starts to stem more and more into the negative, your outlook on life becomes severely pessimistic.
Harboring on such a negative outlook on your life will lead you to stop believing in yourself, have any confidence, and to be able to reach your true potential. It could limit your thinking, adversely affect your relationships, and even lead to depression.
Not only that, but it can also have a negative impact on your health. Being constantly critical of yourself is stressful. Stress can create a whole host of problems for your health which include:
- Upset stomachs
- Sleep issues
- Headaches
With me, I noticed that the most notable impact my own critical voice had on me is that I was constantly tense. My toes would be curled, my foot would be pointed causing my leg muscles to tense. There was this heaviness between my shoulder blades, right at the base of my neck and it would cause my posture to slouch. I always had my jaw clenched and tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth, and that in turn caused me countless headaches. This was a manifestation of my negative self-talk on my body.
If you realize that you yourself are tense in a similar way, take a deep breath. Start from your toes and slowly make your way to your head, relaxing all the muscles along the way. You can control this.
Shift in Perspective
I’ll be honest with you, it’s not easy to shift your perspective. It takes time and practice. You are introducing a new habit into your life, and it takes work.
The number one thing you need to change is: be kinder to yourself. It sounds simplistic but this first step is the most important. There has been research conducted that showed positive self-talk is a great predictor of success.
Practicing positivity in your life does not mean sweeping life’s unpleasant events under the rug. It means that you are capable of looking at the situation in a positive way. Don’t be like Chicken Little and immediately conclude that the sky is falling when you hit the smallest bump in your life.
Encourage yourself. Be gentle to yourself. Don’t say anything to yourself that you would not say to anyone else in your life. If you start to hear the whispers of your negative self-talk begin, stop it immediately. Look at the situation from an outward perspective it, and evaluate it with positivity and rationally. Is it really as bad as you are telling yourself it is? How does my thinking the worst of the situation going to help me? Will it matter in a year from now?
Instead of saying that something is impossible, say that is challenging. Instead of saying that you hate something, say that you dislike it. There is a great weight to the words that we use in conversations, and it’s the same when it is our internal dialogue with ourselves.
Journaling
One of the best tools to help shift your perspective is to journal your thoughts. Listing the benefits of journaling is an article in of itself, but in the context of this one, it can help with shaping your thoughts more positively. Make time for journaling during your day, a time slot of a few minutes. Start with writing your exact thoughts and feelings, what negative inner dialogue you had. It does not have to be elaborate, just be concise, and be truthful.
“There’s simply no better way to learn about your thought processes than to write them down.” — Barbara Markway, PhD
I’ll admit I did not like journaling at first. Having the words laid out, bare in front of me gave me anxiety. I did not like reading through my thoughts. Really defeats the purpose of the exercise, doesn’t it?
I did not stop though, I kept up with the journaling. I kept it simple, and just focused on writing down the negative thoughts I had during my day (if any). I would make time during the end of the week to read through my journal entries and think about what I had written. I started to see patterns in my thought process, and also came to a few uncomfortable realizations about how I just completely shut down when faced with difficult situations.
I am becoming better at articulating and communicating my thoughts, rather than having dialogues with my inner critic. I am able to catch myself before expressing myself in a negative way, and instead look at the situation from a better perspective.
Challenging Your Inner Critic
When you allow yourself to overthink and to start delving into negativity, things around you will always look bad. Scrolling through Instagram will make you feel horrible about yourself because everyone else on there seems to have a perfect life. Spending time on your hobby will make you feel horrible because you are never going to get good at it. Going out shopping for new clothes will make you feel horrible because you look awful in everything.
Challenge your negative self-talk whenever you hear it begin its whisperings to you. Adopt a zero-tolerance approach to it and do not allow the thoughts to influence you in any way. Stop it in its tracks before it manifests into something worse. Replace it with a positive and encouraging thought.
For example, let’s say that you are learning programming and you hit a roadblock in your understandings of the subject. You could tell yourself that you are dumb and will never be able to understand programming, that you should just give up. Do not do that. Instead, reflect on where you were a few weeks ago, the concepts you have learned so far, and how much more there is to learn. Reflect on the fact that no one is born with knowledge, that it is acquired through learning and hitting roadblocks, which is where you are right now. You will overcome this roadblock, and you will feel pride in what you accomplish.
Conclusion
Life is not black or white. Find the middle ground to the situation you are facing. Being able to shift your perspective and outlook on life is not an easy process, especially if you have always been more of a pessimist than an optimist.
It takes practice, uncomfortable insight into one’s psyche, and self-acceptance. However, the benefits of it are incredible, both on your mental as well as physical health. Remember that just as you exercise your body to keep it healthy, you must also exercise and engage with your mind to keep it healthy.
