The Strength of a Quiet & Gentle Spirit
To all the women like me, who battle for their space in family, workplace or life — and for all that life surprises us with. How do we choose to respond?
It is hard work.
She would wake up early, get us ready, and have us sent off to school, before swiftly getting herself ready and rushing to make it in time to her workplace. Little did I know back then, about the hard work behind the scenes.
But as I look back now, it’s those ‘insignificant’ things my mum did, that have been etched as some of my happy childhood memories.
She had been the glue that held our family together, and continues to be — always serving, considering others before herself — mothers somehow have that magic.
But I could not understand her response to a lot of the many hassles that came her way. I interpreted her silence or softness to cacophony, as a sign of weakness — as being sort of doormat-ish. But only years later, did I have my moment of realisation around this. And definitely, stepping into my thirties has been eye-opening and grounding.
As a working-mother to two very high-energy kids (who don’t seem to need sleep to be energised) and a wife to a husband who battles the corporate life, deadlines and traffic (in other ways quite frustrated), I will NOT deny the overwhelming anxiety that hits me, every now and then.
I see how easy it is to burst and yell at the kids, nag my husband or let all hell break loose when I don’t seem to find anything around the house or get the help I need. With these outbursts I usually end up regretful of my monstrous tone, choice of words, and extra regretful knowing I have two-pairs of eyes watching all I do and say.
So here’s my realisation — staying silent is the hardest thing to do. And I do not mean the icy-cold types. I mean silence to not backlash. It takes courage to stay silent; and a whole lot of wisdom to respond gently and in love.
My thoughts often go back to my mum. How did she do it? Where did she get her strength, kindness, patience and grace, to deal with the chaos — the overwhelming dose of deadlines, expectations and whining. How was she able to stay calm and love her life, that more often had so less of her in it?
So here’s what I think it was
In simply watching her go about life, I’ve learned — that in the loud responses that are celebrated or advocated today (like the 2 below), there are quiet spirits, who take the higher path, and respond to life, quite contrarily.
‘It’s my life’ — Yes, its one life and lived only once— but how about making some genuine space and time for others. Let’s make time to visit someone who’s sick, hear out a broken heart or if this is all too soft to handle— try leaving a note to someone that says you’re thinking about them, encouraging them through a hard phase in their life.
Tit for Tat — easy, instinctive, justified but it goes no where — in fact it becomes like a vicious circle. How did we respond to someone that offended us recently? Did we strike back? Or wait for that big move to strike big or wait, maybe hope they’ll fall, and fall so bad? Or did we step back — pause — see what’s at stake, and then choose to have that tough, honest and direct conversation — leaving us glad that we did?
These may sound unrealistic, but the secret to this is love and a willing heart.
“The right thing to do is often the hardest”
Trust your source, draw from it
For me, it’s all about keeping God at the centre of all I do. And growing up, I’ve watched my parents respond to life quite contrarily. There was something different in the way they dealt with people, especially in the face of difficulty, and when life seemed dark. It was faith in something unshakeable that had them rooted, and not in the wavering circumstances of life.
Of course, I did have my share of searching for the tangible, but its highs, comfort and “love” only lasted as long as it did — and had me running back to this one constant source, that I had to experience to know as real.
So, find yours and hold on tight. You’ll have a sense a direction and purpose.
Let others have the last word
Having the last word is overrated. We all suffer from this can’t-help-but-have-the-last-word syndrome. But, let’s start letting go. It may just be the wisest thing to do. For the ones married — how about letting our spouses having the last word? (yes, I know). But try — It’s ok not to. Having the last word, is definitely not a win — even if it feels like one. Always, weigh what really matters. Some of the bigger things at stake are — peace, relationships and virtue. Remember, time works different on different people — patience is key.
The RESET button makes all the difference
Ever seen a motherhood commercial? If yes, you must ask one, what they think of it. You’ll hear a scoff. These commercials are often painted in the best of light — peaceful, slow-paced and easy, fading out all the hard-work.
The same is true with relationships. They are hard-work — needing time, trust, and a whole lot of pushing the reset button. No one is perfect. No relationship is - so allow some fails — in other words — show grace.
Forgive, because you love — if not anyone else — yourself. And if you say you love someone, love them to the point you forgive, (again) even if that means, that person is you.
So, that’s a glimpse into my chaotic world with lessons to last a lifetime— they’re challenging, but I promise you they’re equally fulfilling❤️
