The Surprising By-Product of Focus
For the last few weeks I’ve been feeling overwhelmed by options. I’ve hesitated talking to anyone about it because it’s a privileged problem. Deciding where to live with some pretty awesome places in the consideration set is not a “real” problem. Especially when there are so many today. My problem, is one that I’ve created. A stressor that I’m lucky to have. Make no mistake — I know it’s a blessing to have the problems I write about.
Yet, it doesn’t change the fact that the choice we’re facing has been weighing on my mind. I can’t deny that. Just today I’m feeling at peace, and I want to share the surprising reason why, and what it may mean for just about any aspect of life where options may be paralyzing you from moving forward.
The gift of focus
I heard the sound of an egg crack against the countertop, followed by a hissing sound as it landed in a pool of olive oil in the pan heating over the gas burner.
I knew exactly what this meant. Breakfast was starting, and now was my chance to get in on the action. I called out to Phil from the living room, only a few feet away, to hear the loving reply of, “I’ve got you, sweets.” Indeed he did. Soon I smelled bacon. This man really does love me.
And I love him, which is why a few minutes later, the bacon scent alerted my healthy-minded cooking hand to report to the kitchen. Fresh kale, spinach, garlic, and sweet potatoes soon joined the protein party.
Minutes latter our spontaneous collaborative work in the kitchen had hatched quite the breakfast spread — rivaling the kind you’d order out.
This contrasted greatly with our fumbling and inaction around a bigger, more important question: Where the heck were we going to live?
A chill Sunday breakfast soon became a working breakfast complete with laptops, notebooks, and iPhones in hand. Pouring over craigslist and Zillow listings for Boulder and various cities in California. We started to review info we’d been gathering over the last week.
Would we continue to live in Airbnbs?
Would we sign a 1-year lease someplace?
It was one of many conversations we’d had the past month about this, with no “winning” answer jumping out.
In the midst of this serious assembly of resources to tackle the outstanding question at hand, I reached a point of exasperation and said, “I could honestly live anywhere that we’ve been in 2017, and be more than happy.”
Phil asked me if I really felt that way, and I did. I do.
And then he gave me the greatest gift.
He suggested we focus on one state. To pick one (he volunteered to do the picking) and that we would both have to agree to be okay with that, and not look back for the next year.
I agreed with this decision to focus and keep keepin’ on.
Motivated by nervous energy for what was to come, I swiftly picked up my plate and carried it to the kitchen and started washing it by hand.
I heard him call out to me, “Okay — so then it’s decided?
I called back, “what’s decided?”
“We’re moving to California?”
“Okay, sure!”
Wait, what just happened? Taking a step back to explain.
8 months and counting on the road, living out of furnished rentals with the quest to find a new home. We’ve been swimming in a sea of options. All of these options bringing fun and a wide array of experience, but also causing me to suddenly, these past few weeks, feel overwhelmed by all of the possible directions we could take.
I began to feel like the decision to pick a place was more serious since we’d taken so much time “researching” places.
Like our investment in 8 months on the road should result in some really permanent, well-informed decision about where we will live for eternity.
But why?
That feeling is all in my head. By taking so much time, and putting so much thought and resources into our home-searching journey it’s made me paralyzed with fear for picking the wrong place!
And yet, who am I kidding? We aren’t ready to buy a house. We don’t have to pick a permanent home. We may never have a permanent home.
If anything, this entire multi-city journey has reminded me of how much of life is fluid.
That impermanence is more certain than the metaphorical act of putting a stake in the ground. That ground may move. (And especially if we live on the fault line in California…yikes!).
And so, by addressing our fear of picking the wrong place, by reassuring ourselves that this is not written in stone, and that we can change our minds if we need to, it’s helped us to make a decision to focus on California.
Whew. I like typing that. It feels good to have some certainty of where we’ll be in a couple of months. It’s exciting!!!
We’re excited.
And to think, all of this feel good emotion has come from the act of making a decision to FOCUS our search for a 1-year lease in one state.
Focus feels good. (And, I realize this may sound silly as we still have plenty of focusing to do: California is quite a large state, but we do have it narrowed down to the central or southern part of the state. So there!)
Focus for more peace of mind
I’m a newfound believer in the power of this thing so many people have told me is important, but I’ve had to experience it for myself to really believe it.
And not just in where I live, but what I’ve decided to focus on professionally too. (More on that in a separate post).
It’s not to say that options and experimentation aren’t important, but it’s been a good reminder to me that at some point, if the testing doesn’t lead to a clear winner; you just have to pick something.
You have to focus. And by focusing, that’s when the next phase of what becomes interesting and exciting, begins. That’s when you can really go deep into creating meaning in what you do, and where you are, and who you are with.
That meaning is what I’m excited about. To stop searching and to start getting to the next layer of what’s underneath all of the experimentation I’ve been doing.
CONCLUSION:
If you told me a few months ago that to get what I want most — freedom and flexibility with my time — I’d need to focus, I would have dismissed you.
I thought it would threaten my wanderlust spirit. My love of options, and thirst for experimenting with lots. I thought focus would feel like a controlling element in my life telling me what to do and where to go.
The serenity and peace that comes with focus surprises me. Focus is true freedom.
Focus brings peace. Focus means you can actually move forward and out of the evaluation stage and into the execution stage.
Action feels good. Focus is becoming my new favorite thing. Who knew?!
ACTION:
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, and unable to make a decision. Take an honest look at how permanent that decision really is. Consider that by making a decision you will be giving yourself the freedom to FOCUS on what comes next, and that’s an exciting path of entirely new options to weigh!
If you’re considering a new direction in your career. Maybe you’re not happy where you are, but not sure where to go next. Or you’re clear on what you want to do, but not sure the path to getting there. I’d love to learn more about you, and share a program that may help provide clarity and a bridge to what’s next.
