The Truth About Forgiveness

Michael Patanella
Nov 1, 2018 · 4 min read

So we come across forgiveness quite often in all of our lives. Although it is something we often face, I don’t really know if everybody is totally clear on what forgiveness necessarily is, and what it is not.

It’s quite possible that we sometimes use forgiveness as our master key for erasing something negative or bad. It’s not that though. It goes much further then just unlocking a lock. It’s also not a lot of things. Let’s learn a bit about forgiveness, and see if it can become clear on all the things it’s not, as well as is.

Forgiveness is not a platform for minimizing the pain that was caused. It does not excuse the hurt that was created. Just because someone is considering forgiveness, doesn’t mean that any justification is being handed to the original hurtful act. It is highly unlikely that forgiveness, even when sincere can erased the fact that something heartbreaking and painful happened.

Forgiveness often times may seem like a relief of intense pressure of hurt on one side, with guilt, shame and regret potential on the other side. Offering forgiveness, or being forgiven, is alone usually not enough for either side to simply feel better. It is still usually a lengthy road for both sides.

We don’t always reconcile relationships based on the fact and presence of forgiveness. Forgiving is not something that will guarantee the continuation of anything, whether it’s an associate, a good friendship, or even a strong romantic relationship.

So, at this point, many may be wondering just what in the hell is forgiveness then? First off, forgiveness is not always about the other person, the one who did the hurting. It really isn’t. If anything, it may be more about the person who was hurt.

When we are the ones hurt, Forgiveness can be something that begins the process of letting go of the heavy weight which is pain and hurt. We forgive as a way that we take an accounting and inventory of our feelings.

Being responsible for the way we feel. It can guide us more towards being someone who is in control and empowered. We don’t have to be the victims any longer.

Offering forgiveness many times is mostly a spotlight more on our own healing. It is something that can be quite the difficult place to get through. Feelings and emotions like resentment can hang on, stuck to us for a very long time. When we are finally at a point where we can lay down a sincere forgiveness onto someone who pained us, we literally can be brought to an inner peace swiftly.

We finally see that we were not moving on, but when we forgave, we finally were moving again, into a direction of healing. We see that after a very long time, we can move on, and continue living our lives.

To forgive is a choice. And sometimes, no matter what, we just cannot get to that place in our lives where we are able to give a true, real forgiveness. It may keep us stuck carrying that heavy weight. When we are at a roadblock stuck at a crossroads, we must remember what we just learned here. We must remind ourselves how much forgiving is for the one who is hurt. We must keep in mind, that no matter how much in pain we are, it can be a life changing choice, to forgive, and from there, see if we can then reach healing.

The Ascent

A community of storytellers documenting the journey to happiness & fulfillment.

Michael Patanella

Written by

Publisher, Editor, prolific nonfiction Author covering mindfulness, mental health, addiction, sobriety & spirituality. Medium.com/@MichaelPatanella

The Ascent

A community of storytellers documenting the journey to happiness & fulfillment.

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