The Value of Knowing Yourself
Why self-understanding is the key to a wealthy life
I know myself better today, than I did yesterday. But I also know that I’ll never reach a point of saying “yup, I’m all good here; I’ve got this whole self-knowledge thing down.” And that’s ok.
Is life a process of self-discovery or a journey of creation? I like to think it’s both. We need a certain amount of self-understanding to create our best selves and a life worth living.
Today I live consciously, but it took me 37 years to wake up and ask what the hell am I doing? Why am I not happy?
And so, quite late in life, I began to walk the path of self-understanding. It involved a huge slice of truth; a piece of pie often difficult to digest.
First I needed clarity and to stop numbing or distracting myself from the painful side of life. We have so many ways to numb or distract ourselves from feeling things, using food, social media, drugs, shopping, booze, gaming, exercise, and heaps more. Whatever works. Until they stop working.
I’ve used plenty of these props and distractions through different periods of my life.
At one point I took depression medication to cope with anxiety and despair. Seven years later I woke up and realised the solution had stopped working.
The problem was, I hadn’t worked on the root cause of my discontent. The pills helped me from dipping too low, but they also stopped me from feeling any joy. Life just flatlined. What the hell was I doing here?
With the help of my GP, I weaned myself off the meds and took up exercise as one way to manage my mental health. My brain also needed some retraining.
In fact, it’s an ever-evolving program, as is keeping my lardy arse in shape, especially since recently hitting 50.
Back then I learned how helpful therapy can be in understanding how I actually ‘felt’ about things, after being in some kind of convenient denial and ignorance.
It was eye-opening to discover what I had been pushing down. I looked at my life honestly and I can’t lie, it was painful.
But I started to understand why I reacted in particular ways to external events. And the process helped me to navigate divorce, shared parenting and adapting career options, and taking responsibility for my actions.
I had to traverse much change, exploring new ideas, making mistakes, and taking brave leaps off cliffs. Most of which were not well thought out.
Some days I wished I hadn’t opened my personal Pandora’s box, but once I’d glimpsed shiny treasures buried beneath the challenges, it couldn’t be closed.
I could no longer exist in ignorance.
Ignorance is the root of all evil, according to Plato, who defined knowledge as grasping what is, and ignorance as grasping what is not.
And so my journey of self-understanding was one of seeking more knowledge and learning to live more consciously. Taking control of your life, being open to new ideas, and thinking about your decisions rather than making them reactively or without thought, will bring great riches.
It’s about creating the life that you want rather than settling for the one that just happens.
I needed to shoot perfection down with a steady aim while accepting what I’d learned about myself and my human foibles. I had to admit — like most people — I was a very flawed human being. I learned to eat that slice of truth; a piece of humble pie. And it actually tasted ok.
“A life lived of choice is a life of conscious action. A life lived of chance is a life of unconscious creation.” Neale Donald Walsch
Eventually, I came to understand the key to happiness was taking action to live a more meaningful life, to my best potential on any given day. That’s my target even if I don’t always hit it. I must keep my arrows sharp without the poisoned barbs. Let’s take a look at your target.
Who the hell are you and what are you doing?
How well do you know yourself? How conscious are you of your thoughts, beliefs, emotions, and reactions? Are you connected to your inner-self, your natural state of being, your soul?
Have you kept an element of yourself hidden because you think you need to be what is expected of you, rather than your true self?
Each day offers the opportunity to know ourselves better, if we are conscious and present, as we respond to challenges that must be navigated around or adapted to.
The current pandemic is a perfect example of how we are all adapting to change. Social isolation forces us into self-reflection as we try to make sense of the ‘new normal’. And it’s amazing how fast we have modified our lives, despite how traumatic it’s been for most of us, and utterly devastating for some.
So why is self-knowledge so important?
Ancient wisdom tells us that our first goal should be to know ourselves, our dreams, our capabilities, our talents, our limits. Socrates said, “An unexamined life is not worth living.” So get out your magnifying glass.
Looking inward to examine ourselves also helps us relate to the outside world, the things we can’t control. Only by knowing ourselves can we set goals and choose how to live in the external world.
The more you know yourself, the more control you have in your life. You’ll begin to be aware of the compartments and limitations that have been imposed on you, often lovingly, sometimes not, by your parents, teachers, and external influences.
This is how we become who we ‘think we should be’ rather than becoming ‘who we instinctively are.’
How can we know ourselves better?
Ponder these ideas:
1. Look within and think in quiet self-reflection.
It’s so easy to become distracted by the things outside us, that our life becomes a series of reactions to the noise the world imposes.
By turning our minds inwards we can direct our thoughts, disciplining, and channelling the massive energy and potential that we each possess.
I find meditation is a brilliant way to switch off the outside and switch on my connection within. Journalling, adventuring into nature, cycling, running, or walking the dog are also useful. As is getting creative, making something, cooking, painting, gardening.
Whatever is meditative for you. Create space to contemplate your life.
2. Master your mind.
You can become the master over your own thoughts, feelings, emotions, and reactions. Start by choosing what parts of your personality you would like to express in any given situation. You decide the direction.
Choose what outside information you retain and what you want to filter out, what has value, and will enhance your life and what serves no good purpose. This means switching the bitching, griping and gossip filter on.
Learning to hit the pause button before reacting is super useful. It can save that egg on your face and gives you a chance to unpack your thoughts and work out what is causing you to feel that way.
3. Choose to become more conscious.
Human beings have evolved into creatures whose minds are divided into conscious and unconscious processes, but self-awareness isn’t inbuilt. It’s something we develop gradually according to our experiences.
Some people may never embark on the journey to consciously know themselves, but for those who do, there’s great freedom to enjoy. Be the hero who takes the challenge to examine yourself. That takes courage.
If finding a counsellor or therapist is an option available to you, then this is a great way to learn more about yourself and become conscious of how your subconscious, thought processes, emotions, and behaviours play out in your external world.
But you need to be open to hearing it. Sticking your fingers in your ears and shouting “lalalalalalala” might be tempting, but is not helpful.
4. Expand your knowledge.
Seek to educate yourself and gain new perspectives from the works of philosophers, psychologists, and thought leaders. Examine your core values, for these will offer insight into the choices you make and help you to understand yourself.
Look at your past and learn from your mistakes and failures. Personally I have an encyclopedia series of these to draw from.
Understand your strengths, weaknesses, and personality type. Online tests can help you define your characteristics and strengths. Try the VIA Character Strengths Test and the 16 Personalities test, based on the well-respected Myers Briggs Type Indicator.
I look at many of these in more depth in my soon-to-be-published book.
5. Accept yourself.
Self-knowledge is pointless if it doesn’t result in self-acceptance. We can continue to peel back the layers by seeking a deeper knowledge of who we are, but this can result in being all kinds of judgy and tough on ourselves.
I know because I do this. My self-expectations are often way too high.
Today I made a to-do list that I would never get through. I was supposed to finish this article, write another blog post for my website, make some notes on an idea for the ethics of organ donation (it’s amazing what writing a will does to you), and create three visual posts for social channels. Plus three more things!
I am not Wonder Woman, I am Slightly Insane Woman in all my working-from-home glory. And my cape is creased and covered in cat fur. Those Burmese brutes.
In summary: You don’t need to keep lashing yourself raw with your failings. Awareness and acceptance will give you the freedom to fly beyond those limitations and numbing distractions to create your own kick-arse life.
But you may need to create your own cape, mine is in use. Fully booked. Today it’s a pet haven, tomorrow I’ll brush it off, be my own hero and get through the rest of that list.
To continue this dialogue meet me on Facebook and if you’d like to read more, please register your interest in my book, The Naked Truth About YOU.
