The Wisdom in Taking a Leap
Running uphill, trying desperately not to slide back down
Does life ever slow down?
Sure, I can and have ignored it, sat back and watched it go by passively. Told myself that I’m fine to sit by and do nothing, that just existing is good enough.
And I wonder why I was so depressed.
You see, things happen in life. Things that can make or break you — or simply set you back for a time. That’s normal.
The trick is snapping out of the passive mind-set, of the belief that you don’t need to be constantly progressing.
That’s so hard to break out of because once you’re in that mind-set, you feel stuck. You don’t see what the point in doing anything is, because it’s not like you can make a difference anyway. You feel a hollowness in your chest and wonder why it’s there.
It’s so hard to live that way, because although you tell yourself otherwise, you’re not happy. For years I knew I needed to start putting myself out there and progressing again, but I was scared.
It was easier to sit and let life pass me by, telling myself I’d change someday.
What snapped me out of it was seeing what it was doing to my family. My husband was working hard to support us, my toddler and baby needed my constant attention and I was just…living.
I’m not sure how else to say it. I woke up, took care of the kids, wasted endless time on social media, and read books. That’s pretty much all I did for years, and I was so stuck.
When my daughter and I really started butting heads, her because of her growing independence and me because of my unhappiness, I realized life couldn’t go on this way.
It wasn’t fair to my family, and it wasn’t fair to myself.
So I slowly started changing. I started planning out my day. I started making goals for the future.
Most importantly — I started acting on things instead of saying “Oh yeah, that’d be nice someday.”
I signed up for classes; I did things that scared me. I created websites without knowing what in the world I was doing, learning everything as I went.
I did so much — in fact — that I completely overwhelmed myself.
I had to step back, take a good look at my life and what I was trying to accomplish and decide how to prioritize everything.
After lots of tears, prayers, and anxiety, I finally feel like I’m making progress. Maybe it’s not much compared to others, but it’s progress.
And that’s a whole lot better than sitting around dormant.