The Wondering Sunday
Our autism journey

I spend so much of my time wondering, I suppose that is better than worrying, but I seem to do a lot of that too. Owen has not left my side since he woke up. He came and got in bed with me about three. I laid there for awhile. He kept kicking me and pushing his legs into me trying to get pressure for his body. I think he was still asleep though. I kept moving him back to his side, but I gave up on any sleep. I got up and lined the pillows around him and tucked the cover under the bed. The other side of the bed has a railing around it so he can’t fall that direction, he rolls so much I’m scared when I’m not beside him. I came out to the living room to lay on the couch. That alone time didn’t last long. He was quickly by my side and actually wanted to lay under the covers with me. This was almost a shock, because normally when I try to lay on the couch he gets upset, pulling the blanket from me. This is where the wonder and worry set in. Yesterday and now already today he has sat with me more than he normally does, wanting pressure and the connections to me. He wants to sit in my lap in a tiny ball. He finds a way to get in the tiniest of spaces. And he melds his body into mine, pushing his head into my arm as hard as he can. He has no concept of personal space or that he has elbows that could pierce metal, he only wants comfort. Is he growing, hurting or is there something else going on. How do I not wonder or worry. He has the flexibility of a great gymnast, lacking coordination and skill, but yet has precision to stand on the smallest of spaces, when he is paying attention. He isn’t acting sick, but yet I feel like something is going on. He’s in a good mood, albeit very clingy and gets upset if I am out of his sight for long. He can’t settle today, his tiny body is full of motions and emotions. I’ve got the emotions covered too. Life is full of those ever changing moments. The waves of today will turn into the calm shore tomorrow. Find your strength and go after your dreams. Make today matter. Smiles to all and donut daze!

