Thinking We Are the Exception Inevitably Makes Us the Rule
Once, there was a child walking down the street with his father. At one moment, he sees a Ferrari passing them by.
- Wow, that’s a beautiful car ! Daddy, when I get older, would I have one?
- Of course you will. You can achieve anything you want and you will surely have such a car. You are unique my son, don’t forget that.
Do you see something wrong in that answer?
While it is surely sincere and intended to be encouraging, it might simply be harmful. Such a reply makes the kid believe that he will surely achieve it, missing a huge factor: the journey before achieving it.
Here’s an other answer
- Look around you my son. How many Ferraries do you see? How many rich people do you see? How many successful ones?
Almost none.
- Now look again, how many 5 to 10 years old small cars do you see? How many people living from a stipend to another? How many people taking loans to pay their bills?
Too many.
- Being really successful in whatever field is an exception, not the rule. If, and only if, you work hard enough and in a smart way, you can become an exception.
Ironically, those of us who are the rule always think they are an exception, and this is exactly what makes them the rule. By thinking we are an exception, we enter the boxing ring with a lowered guard, because we are sure to win. As soon as we enter, we get knocked out by reality.
Protecting ourselves well is more important than hitting hard. Successful people know that, and they work hard on their defensive skills.
This conclusion hit me while reading a study on the failure of the majority of PhDs to land academic jobs, even if they follow up their thesis with postdocs.
Nowadays, academic tenure positions are way fewer than the number of postdocs. Surprisingly, this doesn’t hold people back from applying to those short-term contracts.
However, without a surprise, a huge percentage of them (80 to 90 percent) have to leave academia one day or another. The problem is not in trying; of course it is natural to try. The problem is that when they fail, they deny it and still do postdocs after postdocs, until they are not accepted anymore.
I then asked myself: why such smart and talented people are getting fooled that easily?
It’s a simple math problem; you have 80 % of chances to fail. You can try once or twice, but then you just stop and do something else.
And then it hit me: because they think they are the exception. Because they are convinced that they belong to the 20 % who succeed.
Those people are so smart that all their life they were called geniuses. They were in fact exceptional. While other kids struggled in junior high and high school, they ranked first every time. They graduated college with all the possible honors. This embedded in them a feeling of exception, so deep that it is simply not possible to remove it.
When it comes to academic tenure positions, they just naturally keep on thinking the same way. When they start their PhD thesis, they are warned that academic positions are rare and only few lucky PhDs become academics. But that doesn’t change anything, they tell themselves: it’s maybe hard, but for me, it should work without any problem.
And this is sheer blindness.
They believe so hard they are the exception; they don’t even see other applicants as a danger. They think with no reason they are within the group of successful candidates, and that way of thinking puts them inevitably within the failing group.
They think they are the exception, and that makes them the rule.
After understanding that, I realized that this syndrome actually affects a lot more people.
Here’s another example: The weight struggle.
Try this experiment. One day, go to a gym, and simply look around you. Analyze what’s happening.
It is understandable that most people you run into in everyday life don’t have a fit and athletic body because most of them don’t do any physical activity.
But is it normal that most people at the gym are also not fit?
You would say yes, everyone starts somewhere.
I would say No, because not everyone starts everyday. If you pick a random day, beginner bodies should be way fewer than fit bodies. The problem is that most of us quit every month, and then we go back few months later and start over again.
Why do we quit? Because we don’t have results.
Why don’t we have results? The coaches in the gym advise everyone the same, no ?
Yes, but most of us don’t follow the advice.
Why don’t we follow them? Lack of motivation, lack of time, lack of knowledge?
No, because we think we are the exception.
Coaches are telling it out loud: if you want to see results, track the food you are eating, track your macronutrients, weight the food and don’t exceed your needs.
But most of us just don’t do it.
we are always looking for shortcuts, we want to cut the corners.
Don’t you think that if there was an easier way the coaches would tell us about it?
We think we are the exception, and that makes us the rule.
Sadly, we could go on and on with tons of examples.
Most startups fail, because most founders don’t follow experienced people advice. They don’t read books about how to launch a successful startup, and most of those who read them, don’t apply the advice in them.
Most people don’t become rich because they don’t want to work for it. All the fuzz about the cryptocurrency market is a simple proof of that. People who lately got interested in them have no clue about Blockchain technology, they just want to multiply their bet, effortlessly.
Having a successful business, being fit, being rich, becoming an expert in a given field, if all that was easy, don’t we think everyone would achieve it?
A simple solution
Pointing out a problem is good, giving a solution is better.
The solution to this problem is actually easy, just flip the sentence over.
Knowing we are the rule, can make us the exception
How?
When we know we are the rule, we will acknowledge the danger, we will acknowledge our weaknesses. By doing that, we will first protect ourselves against the danger, and enter the boxing ring with an efficient guard.
Then, if we work hard on our weaknesses, we will strengthen them.
Would we be successful after that ? Yes.
Would we become an exception ? Yes.
Yes we are all unique, but none of us is an exception.
Initially, we are all the rule.
Then two groups emerge; the ones who know they are the rule, and work hard to become an exception (and eventually succeed), and those who think they are the exception, and simply stay the rule forever.
Thank you for reading.
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