This Is How You Make A Good Relationship Better
Reading my old journal entries on dating is like reading chick lit.
A few years ago, I was that single girl, active in sports and dating scene, searching for ‘the one’. I was that tiny Filipina girl using travel, beach, and sporty photos on a dating app hoping to be found by the man who will not ask for sex on the first date.
I uninstalled that app, then I downloaded it again several times. My dating woes seemed to never end. I couldn’t figure out what was wrong.
Until I went into therapy and eventually, found yoga.
I was not finding the wrong men. I was the wrong person for them and I chose, using my will and judgment, the wrong relationships.
Fast forward to 2019. I met the man that I want to spend the rest of my life with and it’s all been good. Our story is not ideal — we are still in a long-distance relationship — and we are doing our best to end that and finally be together.
I can’t wait for the day that I can write about how our life is like living in the same city, in one home.
For now, what I can tell you is how this became the relationship that I have always dreamed of having.
You’ve read about it, heard of it, saw Gary Vee talk about it: Don’t rush into success or earning your first million. Don’t rush into getting the reward. Working towards greatness? Give it time.
If you are in a good relationship, you are either wanting to stay there or make it even better. You want to be happy — who doesn’t? Here are a few ways to level up.
- Know your partner’s love language.
According to Gary Chapman, writer of 5 Love Languages, every person has a different way of receiving and giving love. When we don’t speak our partner’s language, we could be misinterpreted. If you express love through touch but your partner receives love through words, that could cause a tiny conflict. It seems pretty simple, but once you’ve been with someone for years, this could blow up and shatter your relationship.
You and your partner can take the test here.
2. Find a way to show gratefulness to your partner in simple ways.
Grand gestures are awesome. Most women like surprises, and frankly, I’m one of those. I like the idea of preparation and planning. Some people show their love differently — through short text messages, notes, tight hugs in the middle of the day, or a short call during office break.
These small acts are ways to show you remember, care and appreciate your partner’s presence in your life. Don’t miss a day without them.
3. Have fun together to create intimacy.
Tease, make fun of, laugh with each other. The best indicator of one’s comfort level is laughter. This applies to families, teams at work and a group of friends.
When you laugh, happy hormones called endorphins are released into your brain creating feelings of happiness and an overall sense of well-being.
4. Say ‘thank you’ and mean it.
Being grateful is the antidote to greed & negativity. When we are grateful for our partner, we open our eyes to more reasons to be thankful for their lives, their kindness, the acts of love that they do for us.
Don’t wait to bring out that gratefulness journal until you write it down. Verbalize it. The right time is always now.
5. Be comfortable with saying you are sorry.
You are not one another’s enemy but each other’s partner. You are both growing as individuals. Accept that you are two different people. You grew up in 2 different families, backgrounds, cultures. There will always be reasons to disagree and disconnect.
Arguments and debates are common, and sometimes, necessary. One will be defensive, one will feel angry, one will say something hurtful. Your partner is not who you are fighting with, but the one that you are trying to find a solution with.
6. Tell the truth even if it hurts, shameful or embarrassing.
Get comfortable with honesty. Make it your close companion.
Have a tight budget this month and can’t afford to get an expensive gift? Say it even if it makes you squirm (find the right timing). Did your partner say something that offended you because it reminded you of a past trauma that he still doesn’t know about? Mention it. Want flowers for your birthday? Just say it. You are not in a guessing game and your partner is not a mind-reader.
This can only turn your relationship for the better. Do the hard thing now — tell the truth — before it boomerangs and hits you in the face later. Aside from time, honesty is one of the best investments that you can give to your relationship.
Noticed something? There are no new ideas here. So why did I bother writing this?
Because this is part of the story that you and I are in. And every story offers a treasure trove. We just have to dig deep to find them.
No regrets dating that guy who gave me trolls because I refused to give in to what he wanted, or that guy who asked me to pay for our food during date night. The dating nightmares led me closer to the dream.
I’ve learned big lessons in between.
Being in the right relationship is a magical time. It will never be perfect. We will never be perfect. But we can always grow from there.
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