This one underrated trait is life-changing
In my feverish need to accomplish, I have trained myself well. I pride myself on being organized and disciplined, on having the flexibility to pick up new skills quickly and start applying them.
But there’s one quality I wish I had cultivated that would lessen my anxiety, increase the quality of my work, and free my mind to think in innovative ways. That quality is patience.
We type-As are not patient people. We live to see results, so putting off a clear resolution is a form of torture. I hate leaving things on my to-do list for too long. I hate arguments that end without closure. I hate putting out job applications and project proposals and not hearing back for weeks either way.
The way I see it, if I’m putting in maximum effort and over-scheduling my time, why should I have to wait to experience the thrill of achievement? When I’m learning or building something, I expect positive reinforcement every step of the way, or there’s no fuel for me to keep going.
I’m also finding it harder to cultivate patience as I look outward, trying to keep up with the Internet Age’s feverish pace. I fear I will miss out on something big — a business opportunity, a valuable connection — if I move too slowly, if I wait without perpetual hustling.
Not to mention, patience does not seem to be a sought-after quality these days, sounding more like a euphemism for procrastination or laziness than a virtue.
But in the end, patience is one of those qualities that separates true excellence from quick wins. It is an essential part of building remarkable businesses, products, art, and writing that stand the test of time.
And when it comes to any personal goal — losing weight, finding a romantic partner, developing a skill — the best results come with patience. The trouble is that it’s a hidden quality. You can’t point to it in the result, so its value often goes unrecognized.
Like most people, I want everything in life to come easy, but what’s easy to create is easy to copy, and what’s easy to gain is easy to lose. Only a sustained application of effort over a period of time I don’t even want to fathom is going to make me a top thinker, a top writer, and a better human.
Why it happens
There’s a well-worn criticism about the entitlement of the millennial generation, that we seek “ideal” work that both pays well and is fulfilling. That we want all the responsibility, all the best opportunities, to be handed to us on day one.
I won’t debate the validity or universality of this criticism, but I do often feel its corollary: the pressure to achieve success at a young age. It’s no longer satisfying to take decades to build a skill, or a career, or a sustainable business, when some seem to fall into fame and fortune overnight.
That girl? She posted a photo of herself on social media and now she’s a jet-setting supermodel. That guy? He wrote a few viral blog posts and now is a bestselling author. The prevalence of insta-success sets up a different type of FOMO, where I want to one-up the next guy in the coolness of my accomplishments in the fastest way possible.
I see my peers in their twenties making the Forbes list, publishing books, speaking at conferences, and growing profitable businesses. I feel fortunate to know such amazing people, but it can also sweep me into a panic sometimes. I think, “Why haven’t I done this, or that? I’m just as talented as they are! I need to do something big, now!”
I’ve considered earning passive income, starting a business, building a social media presence, creating an app, writing a book, shooting videos, anything to get the ball rolling, and I’ve seen those around me in the same manic flurry of unfocused activity.
As I strive to turn these ambitions into reality, I quickly lose steam when I don’t see immediate traction, not content to dwell in obscurity long before my big break, which always seems too far away.
But I’ve been out of touch with what I want in the long run. What am I seeking in the culmination of all of these efforts, to feel better about myself or attain fulfillment through my work?
We as a generation should be proud that we’ve been able to create alternatives to the “traditional” career trajectory that are tailored to our individual differences in skills and inclinations.
We’ve realized that we cannot put off living the life we want for a later date only to realize that the date never comes. We know that the present is the only time we have to build that life.
But now we are stuck with the dilemma of how to balance delayed gratification with instant gratification. Should we produce content and build organizations that provide quick-and-easy wins, or take a chance on those that address complicated and important problems? Should we chase glory by moving from one hot-new-thing to another, never knowing what we want our long-term impact to be? Is it worth it to forgo an intermediate payoff for the chance to build something sustainable?
How to cultivate it
I wish there were a prescriptive solution, a list of steps to follow for cultivating patience, but patience lies more in my mind than in my actions.
When pursuing my goals, even when I follow best practices — breaking up big goals into small tasks, accomplishing a little bit each day, blocking off time in my schedule — I may make progress toward the goal, but it won’t stop me from being frustrated that the process takes a long time.
In the end, what patient people don’t do is just as important as what they do.
First, they don’t set arbitrarily short deadlines to make decisions (or allow other people to set them). Instead, they take the time to listen to their intuition, which may take a while to calibrate when it comes to big decisions.
I was once given a two-day deadline to respond to a job offer, which would not have allowed me enough time to do the necessary due diligence: interviewing my friends in the company, going back to my other offers to renegotiate them, and doing more research of my own.
Thank goodness I stood up for myself and extended the deadline, because it allowed me to make the right choice (of not taking the job).
Second, they don’t take action out of desperation, but from a place of calm and security. They don’t think a poor resolution is better than no resolution. They trust that things eventually work themselves out.
However, few others can wait for “eventually,” instead trying to make things work out now, resolving problems with forced intervention when they believe the universe isn’t doing its job. In some cases, taking action is the best thing to do, while in many others forced intervention results in a far worse outcome than simply waiting.
This dilemma often plagues me in my romantic life. It’s tough for me to casually date when I’m constantly reminding myself to “lock something down” as quickly as possible.
I can’t help but evaluate my choices every step of the way, hoping it will lead me toward a swift decision of who to pursue. I don’t acknowledge that the answer to that question often emerges organically, and that this answer often surprises my rational mind.
Third, they don’t get scared of big goals. They don’t look up at the mountain and think, “I’m never going to be able to climb that.” Rather than getting frustrated by their distance from the finish line, they concentrate on the journey, taking pride in each step.
They take progress pictures of their bodies as they lose weight, or meticulously track their customer base as their companies grow. After every workout or meeting, they don’t feel discouraged but accomplished, even if their one action didn’t directly result in anything.
I’m especially terrible at this, which is why my essay-writing excels as my novels-in-progress languish. Even contemplating writing and editing so many words makes my chest tighten. Only since I have started to track my daily progress and overall word count have I been able to approach the process with anything other than overwhelming anxiety.
Patient people know that fame, fortune, health, love, and fulfillment require investments of time and effort, and they’re willing to make that investment to get where they want to go. More importantly, they know where they want to go, rather than chasing any form of achievement for achievement’s sake, and don’t get sidetracked by shiny things that don’t align with their goals.
It’s true that no matter how patient you are, the universe doesn’t make any promises. However, I have found that it often rewards those who approach their goals with sincere motivation and perseverance, as long as they’re willing to wait.
