To Strong Women
My sister just got married. And as the older brother, I had the honor to be her best man, and give a speech. In preparing it, I thought long and hard about what I actually wanted to say, and eventually realized I wanted to pay tribute to everything that’s great about my sisters, my mom and my girlfriend — which is the fact that they are Strong Women. I hardly ever cry, but boy I cried, and others cried, and the experience was beautiful.
I didn’t write this to publish this (I wrote this in Dutch initially), but my girlfriend and mom convinced me to. Plus, there are so many other women who I’d love this to read, and many other men who are together with a Strong Woman who need to read this.
Hope you enjoyed it.
B.
To my fellow men around the world:
Let me tell you something very few men know:
In the world, there are multiple kinds of women. One of them is this rare and unique kind of woman. One that is free in her being, incredibly loyal, has a huge heart, and is beautifully stubborn. The ones of us that know this kind of woman call her the Strong Woman — don’t forget that.
Let’s find out a bit more about this rare breed.
First of all: if you are lucky to be together with one, let me congratulate you because you’ve made the best decision in your life to want to spend your life with a Strong Woman. I can know, seeing as I grew up with three of them and am currently together with one.
These years of living together with Strong Women taught me quite some lessons. What I can tell you is this:
Strong Women are free in their independence and want to live their own life. They know nothing about boundaries and don’t give a shit about rules. They don’t belong to one single person or place. On top of this, they don’t believe in compromises. They care so much about this that when you challenge them in this, they’ll become aggressive.
As you might understand: they are the person they want to be and believe that this is the way you’re supposed to live, and absolutely don’t want to be told what they have to do or how they should behave. As a matter of fact, they refuse to let anyone do their thinking or talking for them, and want to learn how they should use their brain themselves. Because of this, they can sometimes be a little strange — to which the only right reaction is to be a little strange back.
And don’t have any illusions — these characteristics won’t become any milder the older they grow, rather more radical, like a fire that grows the more wood you add to it.
Strong Women don’t want you to talk to them as if they’re a fine lady. Rather, they want you to see them as the tough, ambitious women that they are. They’re authentic, adventurers on their own path, to the point that they’ll switch careers if that’s what they think they ought to do. And they will lead you on adventures you would have never expected, and probably didn’t even realize existed, to the point where you’ll find yourself on your motorcycle to France and England ((We live in The Netherlands)) because somewhere in that foreign country there’s a Strong Woman waiting for you. And you’ll go on these adventures, whether you want to or not. But let’s be honest: You’ll never not want to go on an adventure with a Strong Woman, because the appeal is simply too strong.
Strong women are stubborn but wise, incredibly much wiser than we are and probably will ever be. So be patient and humble, and believe me when I say: They always know what they’re talking about, even if they seem crazy. There is always wisdom in what they’re saying, so listen closely to them.
Being together with a Strong Woman brings along lots of responsibilities, of which I’m not sure you’re 100% aware of them — though you probably will have some notion of them because otherwise you probably would’ve never decided to be together with a Strong Woman.
Being together with a Strong Woman isn’t for everybody. In fact, it requires a specific kind of man to understand and be able to communicate with a Strong Woman. Luckily, these Strong Women are quite knowledgeable about the man they want to be together with, so if you’ve been allowed in her life for a longer period of time, you’re very likely a strong fit.
So what does it require to be together with a Strong Woman?
The Strong Woman has the magic power to sometimes transform herself into a dragon, and hold your feet to the fire — which requires that you have a strong constitution.
And not only because of this. Because the Strong Woman is also a mirror, will show you what’s holding you back, will tear down the walls you’ve built around yourself and shake you up, will take your ego and put it on its head, and will break open your heart so new light can enter. And the only way to live with this is to accept and embrace it — requiring again that strong constitution.
The Strong Woman is ambitious and is very passionate about the things she pursues — so you must be curious about her life; ask her questions but accept it when she needs to rest. She wants to live her own life and wants you to do the same — so you must stay balanced and flexible. This is because the Strong Woman has an optimistic view of the world, and thinks life is about making the most of it — so you must be active and do everything to make your life as beautiful as the dreams you’re pursuing, as the Strong Woman, and be able to combine this with a daily investment into your relationship with her.
The Strong Woman needs a powerful and loving man — so you need to challenge her, but never go too far in this, because she’s much more powerful than we are.
Besides this, her strength helps her to do two things most other people don’t have the guts for. First, the Strong Woman dares to make promises even though she doesn’t know the exact implications of them — and excepts you to dare to take the same risks with her. Second, the Strong Woman dares to go beyond her power and make herself vulnerable, dares to give away the only thing of herself that can be broken — and her vulnerability you can best answer with your own vulnerability.
But luckily, the world will throw moments at you where you will be tested quite quickly — and you will learn very rapidly whether you’ll be able to live up to the task of being with a Strong Women. In moments of high pressure where you have to be your absolute best and keep your cool — and I mean the most intense moments where the stakes are at their highest —
like a Sunday morning breakfast with her family who all have a low blood sugar and a shortage of caffeine in their blood
— you understand: the wildest places and moments filled with danger and insecurity — in these moments you can show that you can handle the Strong Woman with confidence, and by doing this once you can gain her trust that you are indeed the right man for her.
And even though all of this can be scary sometimes, there is good news: because all this effort will be abundantly rewarded. Because even though the Strong Woman much resembles a wild lion being thrown into the arena — untamable — as soon as you conquer her heart, you’ll realize this:
She’s the most generous, loving, soft and beautiful kind of all beings.
She will fight for you, love you for who you are — independent of how, where and from where. Without a problem or pride, she will love you — because it’s the only way she knows of loving. For her, there is no reason needed for love: she will love you because she loves you. And she won’t only love you. No, she’ll build a loving home, pick you up when you’re down, push you to reach your dreams and dare to dream beyond those.
You will have a real partner, one that can stand on herself but at the same time needs you to grow to the point of her dreams. Because despite her independence she still wants to walk her path together with you.
And as in every kingdom, there will sometimes be conflict, but the Strong Woman won’t allow this to remain for long. She will always bring up the problem, which can be uncomfortable at first, but absolutely necessary. Because of this, the relationship with a Strong Woman is always bright and clear. And you will always be grateful for not taking the easiest route.
And eventually, eventually she will make her a better man, a better person for that matter, and you will do the same for her.
Now I’ve told you approximately everything my 26-year experience with Strong Women has taught me. Then there’s one final piece of advice that I think is the most important if you want your relationship with the Strong Woman to be a success. My advice to you is this:
Never take the Strong Woman for granted.
I say this for two reasons. One: The Strong Woman is strong, and can probably beat your ass if you do take her for granted. And two: As soon as you’ve fallen in love with a Strong Woman you simply cannot imagine your life without her. There simply is nothing better.
So, my dear Strong Woman — Stay the Strong Woman you’ve always been. And my dear fellow-men — remind yourself often that you’re with a Strong Woman, what it takes to make her happy, and above all stay grateful every day that you’re with a Strong Woman.
