Tracking Tuesday
Our autism journey

I didn’t want to tell myself, I told myself so, but he didn’t sleep. He woke around three and got into bed with me. I heard him stirring and here he came. And yet as I sit here exhausted I have faith that tonight he will sleep. I have to keep the faith. If I don’t believe I’m not sure how I will get through each day. The exhaustion wears on you. The day in and out knowing what might be coming right around the corner is always there. When I pick Owen up we have two ways to get home. The one way, I know when we get stopped for the light he will get agitated and scream and the other way takes about ten minutes longer, but in general he doesn’t get agitated. The possibility for him being upset the other way is there too, though. Red lights tend to upset him now. I haven’t figured out why and I’m not sure if I could. The light that always stops us the quicker direction is a busy intersection with multiple lights in a short stretch to get through. It’s basically a start and stop motion and I believe that’s what upsets him. I try not to focus on those things, because as quickly as an action starts for Owen it can change as well, but these moments ring in my mind as I drive or do other things. Sometimes I can brace myself for his screams, I know when they will occur and we can work through them. Like when I turn the lights on, I know immediately I will have to go into distraction mode for Owen, it’s almost a defense mechanism for me. He will scream and be upset about the light. “Turn de light offT”, he says as he runs to the switch. This I’m prepared for, it happens almost every day, multiples times in a day. I try to make a learning experience out of it. I’ll turn the light back off if he will say his alphabet or count to twenty. But we can’t always turn the light off, we can’t always go the path of least resistance, and we can’t always make it easier for us in a world of red lights and chaos. The key is one day at a time, broken down into one minute at a time and sometimes we just breathe through the seconds. Owen is squished next to me, not sleeping as good last night will be harder on him, but through it all we are growing stronger, we will push harder, and we will succeed, one day at a time. Make today matter. We got this. Smiles to all and donut daze!

