Upgrading to Fulfillment
Taking your life beyond happiness
I never considered myself an unhappy person. I had my fair share of happy memories. Birthdays, friends, family, vacations. I could definitely point to specific things that made me happy. My two sons, my wife, Netflix, Cinnabon, Trinidad and Tobago Carnival, traveling etc.
But for a long time, despite numerous sources of happiness, I still felt like something was missing. But I couldn’t imagine what it could possibly be.
I would have loved more money, but I had come to the understanding that money would not be the source of significantly more happiness for me.
My family certainly contributed their fair share toward my happiness. My work provided some level of happiness (often mixed with a healthy dose of frustration). I could do something different, yes, but I had learned a long time ago that nothing is without its downsides and chasing a frustration-free career was a fool’s game.
When I started looking into Personal Branding, however, I found my answer. What I was missing was Fulfillment.
Cause and Effect
There were things that could make me happy. But I seldom felt fulfilled For some reason the happiness didn’t seem to last.
I’ve come to understand it like this:
There are two elements of Happiness:
- The Cause (The thing generating the feeling of happiness)
- The Effect (The feeling of happiness itself)
Now The Effect has an orbit. It circles The Cause. The Effect orbits The Cause very tightly because The Cause has a strong gravitational pull on The Effect. So in order for us to experience The Effect ( happiness), we need to be in close proximity to The Cause.
Let’s take for example Netflix, something that gives me happiness. For me to experience the effect of happiness from Netflix, I have to be really close to Netflix. As soon as I start to move away from Netflix, I start to lose the experience of happiness.
Most people understand this intuitively.
Problem: Something makes you happy. But then, after a while, you’re not that happy anymore.
Solution: Get more of the thing that made you happy.
This approach seems logical and we all use it. Especially drug addicts. Something we consume, do or achieve gives us a sense of happiness and when the feeling of happiness wears off, we go after more.
But we soon find out that this solution isn’t a long term path to happiness. Something called the Law of Diminishing Marginal returns sets in.
This law states (loosely) as we consume more and more of something, it will start to provide less and less benefit. In this case, the benefit is the feeling of happiness.
So how do we deal with this? We pursue something else. We look for something new to give us our happiness fix.
But then the same thing happens and we end up in this vicious cycle of desperately jumping from one thing to the next in search of happiness. It might be a girlfriend, a boyfriend, a job, a business, a side hustle, a hobby. You name it.
This cycle is called ‘The Pursuit of Happiness’ and it’s not as romantic as we have been led to believe.
So how do we break this cycle?
We have to add a third element:
3. The Meaning (Something that holds meaning for you)
If the actions related to The Cause don’t hold any specific meaning to you, then the Law of Diminishing Returns will apply.
Let’s take binge-watching Netflix. Binge-watching Netflix is The Cause of my happiness (The Effect). But the actions related to watching Netflix (opening the app and eating comfort food while I watch) hold absolutely no meaning for me.
Because there are no meaningful actions involved any happiness I get from this activity will be short-lived.
But when I do things that have meaning, it’s a different ball game.
For example, working with entrepreneurs has a lot of meaning for me. I have very strong feelings about entrepreneurship and the role it can play in helping people achieve true freedom.
Therefore my work in entrepreneurship not only makes me happy, it also makes me feel fulfilled. And there are no diminishing returns with fulfillment.
Find What Has Meaning
Finding what has meaning for you isn’t an easy task but it can be done. I usually tell people I work with to try and answer the following questions, to get a clue as to what has meaning for them.
- What do you absolutely hate to see or hear?
- What current problem do you think people should absolutely not have to suffer through?
- What makes you really upset?
- What do you think everyone should do or try?
Try to get at least five answers to each question. Next look for any convergences. This should point you in the right direction of your meaning and your purpose.
In Conclusion
Happiness is fleeting. The pursuit of happiness leads to even greater levels of unhappiness. That’s because we spend so much time doing things that have no real meaning for us.
Usually, they have meaning for other people. Sometimes it’s just a means to money. But beyond a certain point, money cannot and will not make us feel happy or fulfilled.
Doing things that have no meaning to us usually leaves us feeling frustrated. Sometimes it can make us happy, but not for long. Then we end up in a constant search for happiness. But happiness cannot be pursued. It has to ensue.
And it will ensue when the things we do hold some meaning for us. This meaning can and probably will change as we experience more of life. But at any point in your life, there is something(s) that have meaning for you. If you spend your time doing those things, you’ll be more than happy, you’ll feel fulfilled.
But remember, things that have meaning are never about you. They are always about somebody else. About helping somebody else.
That’s why when we live our lives as takers, we’re miserable, but when we become givers. We feel fulfilled.
The next step in personal branding.
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