Waitress. Millionaire. Dating. Without. Love.
What I learned while being in an unfulfilling relationship with a “perfect guy”…
He appeared in my life unexpectedly but at the time when I was so ready for it. I was single for quite some time and I was fed up with being lonely.
Besides, I was fed up with my life, in general: I was at a job I hated; I had aspirations and ambitions, but I was stuck in my life, not knowing what to do. I had the pain of unexpressed potential. I had all the big dreams and goals but my life was dull.
And the biggest frustration was the fact that there was no-one to support me. I felt lonely and unloved. I didn’t have any good friends at the time, as I was new to the area, new to the city, and new to the country. It had been two years at that time since I moved to America from Ukraine.
And there he was: handsome, charming, kind, sweet, generous, and with a magnetic charisma. I loved his confidence, his sense of humour and his incredible power that was coming from within. I wanted to be like him when I would grow up.
Honestly, he was a dream man for any girl.
Everything was going greatly. I think, I fell in love with him right away, and every time I saw him he continued to mesmerize me.
It wasn’t only until the 4th date that I found out he was a Russian oligarch. I, honestly, didn’t care about his money. He was a nice guy with a great sense of humour and I loved spending time with him. But I have to admit, his sky-scraping success was the cherry on the cake.
I thought, I killed two birds with one stone: found love and fixed my money problem.
There was a huge shift for a girl like me who came from poverty to suddenly taste the life in limos and private jets.
However, rags to riches story didn’t transpire.
I had to keep a full time job, which I hated, to provide for myself. He didn’t show any initiative to support me. I wasn’t really expecting him to do so but I thought it would be nice. After all, he was a millionaire, who could spend the equivalent of my monthly income on one night out.
He was a millionaire. I was a waitress. And it sucked. For me.
After another incredible date at an upscale restaurant, I had to go back to my reality and carry trays and dirty plates at an average diner type cafe… It was brutal. But that was my routine and that was my experience of dating a millionaire.
The gap between our worlds was unbearable.
He didn’t seem to have a problem with it. He loved my company: he loved my youth (he was 15 years older), my great attitude, my constant appreciation of life… Although I was smiling on the outside, I was lamenting on the inside.
Don’t get me wrong, I have a strong work ethic and I am not one of those girls who is comfortable relying on man’s money. I had my own ambitions and goals. But I could use some help until I would figure out how to bring my goals and plans to life.
What was frustrating to me was the fact that he was distant from me. He didn’t let me come close to him. I wasn’t sure really where we were standing and if we had a future together.
I didn’t want to push him or appear needy, because men don’t like that. Even though I tried to appear cool on the outside, I was desperate on the inside. I sincerely loved the guy.
As you may, probably, imagine, it didn’t go well. To cut a long story short, he was just enjoying life and I was part of him having fun.
No, I don’t consider him a bad guy. He just wasn’t the right fit for me and I wasn’t that woman who would make him commit to a serious relationship.
And I am grateful it didn’t work out with that guy because I am now happily married to the man of my dreams. And we couldn’t be happier together, travelling around the world, doing what we both love and having two homes in beautiful parts of the world.
Looking back, I am so grateful for that painful kick in the butt because it inspired to figure my shit out in life without relying on a man.
I had to learn to become that woman who could inspire high quality men to commit to her.
Here are some insights I learned about love, relationships and men.
- No-one is there to rescue you. If you are waiting for a Prince Charming to come and fix all your problems, you will be waiting for a long time. A man isn’t looking to solve your problems, he is looking for a woman who will enhance his life. In my own life experience, my problems multiplied when I entered in a relationship with expectations to “be saved”.
- Prince Charming isn’t a myth. It simply means, creating a relationship with an ideal (for you!) partner. Bear in mind, my idea of a dream man will not necessarily match yours. If you are attracted to flashy and sparkly things, there is usually not much substance behind them. Know your values and don’t compromise them for fancy and posh things. Even though I loved the guy, I was massively seduced by his wealth.
- If the man isn’t interested in building a significant relationship with you, nothing will force him to change his mind. If a man is really into you, nothing will stop him to win your heart. With the Russian guy, I was always available. I could even call in sick at work when he wanted to see me. I was bending over backwards to fit his schedule to show him my love. With Christian, my husband, we lived on different continents but he saw our future together, so he was the one to go hell for leather to bring me to his life.
- If you want to attract a high quality man, you have to become a high quality woman. It means, knowing your worth, being soft on the outside but strong on the inside, being independent and anchored. Men are attracted to women who are “all together”, when their inner harmony is reflected in their eyes and their smile, when they appreciate life and their positive energy is bringing light everywhere they go. By the way, high quality is not about the outside looks, it is about inner power. And, for that matter, every woman is beautiful and worthy, and everything just clicks together when she becomes aware of her inherent worth.