Want To Be More Likable? Respect People’s Life Stories
“If you judge people, you have no time to love them.” — Mother Teresa
Most people aren’t being liked, loved, and cherished enough, not because they don’t want to be, but they don’t know how to become as effective as possible.
After three months, when I met my friend, he first welcomed me and then greeted me respectfully, and asked how I was doing. We discussed 3 to 4 hours together on how to be the best version of ourselves and improve our quality of life. After that, we had mouth-watering pizza together.
Later, I came to know that he treats everyone in the same way. People love his genuine and friendly nature.
We discussed the secret of his affection for everyone he meets because I was curious about how he responds everyone with love and understanding.
He provided a simple answer:
“If you want to love people, actually show them how much you love. It’s as simple as that. If you respect their stories, problems, and flows ahead of your own, people will like you more than they do it for themselves.” — My Friend
Together we brainstormed 12 simple ideas that make people more attractive, attentive, and honest for others if they practice it from the bottom of the hearts.
1. Embrace Their Illogical And Messy Flows Of Life:
We’ve strange stories and circumstances. We share our experiences with loved ones and expect that they’ll listen to us. Sometimes we don’t know what we need to do and what steps to take. We feel rumpled and stuck. It’s normal human life.
People think if you treated the situations differently, the results would be better. Or you should’ve done that.
This is not always true. People like you when you respect their rough edges — not their perfect lives. They want your unconditional love — Without attachment.
Instead, most people blame and disrespect others because they think they’re better than them.
How you treat others reflects how much you like them. If you listen to their stories or at least respect vulnerable situations. They will do the same.
People are way imperfect than we think. Instead of criticizing, help them to solve problems.
“Most human beings are quite likable if you do not see too much of them.“ — Robert Wilson Lynd
2. Listen to Their Stories With Patience And Love Them Unconditionally:
We assume people need answers, solutions and clarity. So we provide them easy-to-implement hacks. Indirectly, we feel obligated to help others. We’ve an instant reaction chain. If someone comes to us. We immediately wrap-up the situation and find three-four answers.
Unfortunately, most people screwed off because they want to be heard. They want your help after you understand the situation.
Instead, hark their muddled dirt even if it resembles bullshit and illogical. Don’t provide explanations. Take a pause and respect their circumstances.
Suppose you don’t know how to deal with it but if you just attend their story. They’ll appreciate you. This is the ultimate hack to become a likable person.
Best way to create a connection is to listen to people without interruption.
“It has been my experience that if we make the effort to listen to people when we meet them, and work to get to know them a little, it is then easy to find something likable in practically anyone. “— Bryant H. McGill
3. Respect Their Complaints:
Most people despise complaints because it’s vulnerable behaviors. No one wants adversaries, and so we hate complainers.
But that doesn’t mean the person is bad or helpless. It means he isn’t able to deal with his current obstacles. He needs someone who can understand and support him. But when he explains to everyone, people hate and scrutinize him. So the person finds the way to blame.
Most people aren’t good at fighting with circumstances, so they find excuses to provide logical reasons for failures.
Again, if you listen to their intricacies and discuss the causes. People feel understood and respected. They think you aren’t those who hate and disrespect. They connect with you even deeper and open-up to share their stories.
“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand. Most people listen with the intent to reply.” — Stephen Covey
4. Carefully Observe What People Want:
My friend remembers what others love to do, what they expect, and how to provide desired outcomes. He is a master of this technique.
When you shift focus from your needs to theirs, you instantly become likable for others. It doesn’t mean you should neglect your expectations, but when you’re with them, take care of what they think, what places they like, which activities and adventures they enjoy, which type of food they love, what topics they’d prefer to discuss, and so on.
If you carefully watch their behavior and only offer what they genuinely care, they’ll like you even more.
And most things are simple. People want to talk about their business, their stories, relationship and happiness. So, just take care of these things.
“Listen with your eyes for feelings.” — Stephen Covey
5. Give Only Thoughtful Advice:
People want advice but thoughtful ones.
You can’t present some easy B.S life hacks or solutions that sounds boring and tedious.
They need a tailored plan to solve the circumstances forever. They don’t just want your advice, they want your trust, hope, inspiration, information and unconditional love.
Go for an extra mile. Support them without return favor. In this way, you can develop genuine relationships with the people.
Take a pause before suggesting any advice. Think twice, and once you’re confident about your words, then give a thoughtful idea to execute.
“Seek first to understand, and then to be understood.” — Stephen Covey
6. Put Your Ego Aside And Notice Their Strengths:
Sometimes we don’t understand people because we think we’re different. It creates criticism and rejection. We feel self-absorbed and only believe in ourselves. We feel egocentric and relate our situation to others.
It’s impossible to find the point to compare. People have a distinctive life. Something they own unique that you don’t possess and vice versa.
The point is if you want to connect with people heartily, just be like them. Put your comparison aside and find the uniqueness. If you watch their behavior and life experiences, you’ll find it. And It doesn’t mean you’re bad or he is superior. Everyone has something to be proud of. But by appreciating their unique strengths creates a sense of affection and respect. They feel being preferred and admired. They feel needed. They like you even deeper.
“Whenever you feel like criticizing any one…just remember that all the people in this world haven’t had the advantages that you’ve had.” ― F. Scott Fitzgerald
7. Offer Help Without Expecting Anything In Return:
People want you to help them to find out the way to do specific tasks. Offering help doesn’t mean you should spend 4 hours a day for free. You just help them in specific tasks or solve one part of the problem.
Most people aren’t helpful because of they afraid to waste their time. They think it’s unimportant. They think most people just use them and give nothing in return.
It’s not that true. We overlooked the aspect of behavior called reciprocity. People obligated to give it back to those who loved them in their tough times. No one wants just to take and take. It has only one condition, you must’ve supported them with heartiest intentions. If they sense that you’re helping them because you want something or to move them and dominate. They’ll walk away.
Humans are the most lovable creatures. People love to those who loved them and hate those who hated them.
“If you’re not making someone else’s life better, then you’re wasting your time. Your life will become better by making other lives better.” ― Will Smith
8. Observe How You’re Thinking And Feeling After You’ve Rejected And Criticized Someone:
Learning to be a likable person depends on you. How you feel and react. What you think.
We unconsciously scrutinize people. You can observe your thoughts and feelings after you’ve put comments on someone. You find that you feel guilty.
The best thing is, it can be changed if you track your thoughts and feelings. You can’t embrace or appreciate someone instantly, but after some practice, you can stop hurtful and meaningless critical comments.
“If you judge people, you have no time to love them.” — Mother Teresa
9. Respect Their Advice Even If You Don’t Like At First:
We overlook advice from people. Sometimes, they give typical advice that doesn’t feel appropriate. It’s useful, but we don’t need that anyway. It’s because we think that we can solve our problems.
Taking help from others reveals our vulnerability. It shows that we aren’t capable of handling the problems.
Yes, not all advice is good. But you can change the way to respond. Sometimes ordinary advice helps you to get something if you simply tweak it.
Don’t say “no” to someone or show them rejected face. Just smile and listen. Don’t take advice to apply, seek advice to learn something new. If you’ve a learning mindset, you won’t criticize others.
You don’t use every piece of information, and it doesn’t matter. If you attend their words, they’ll value you even deeper whether you implement their advice or not. Who cares?
“If you have some respect for people as they are, you can be more effective in helping them to become better than they are.” — John W. Gardner
10. Meet Them Where They are:
People like you if you provide a reason to be liked. They want your love, your hugs, your kisses and kind-hearted words.
But they want a reason to feel all that from you.
So, provide a reason. Meet them where they are.
I don’t mean you should be people pleaser or not being yourself. People-pleasing is insecurity. Instead, care about the people you don’t want to lose. Care because you love them. Not because you want something from them.
Most people act out of expectations. They care, but not more than themselves. They want something from others.
The key to likable behavior is to meet people on their flow. If they’ve different circumstances, just respect them. Support them, love them and care for them. Be patient and understand them. It’s easier to freak out and counter-attack on people for their failures, but it’s hard to accept their dirt.
Meet people where they are hanging out. Don’t try to change and move them from their identity. Instead, adjust your needs according to their expectations.
This is the power of love, it can turn trouble into triumphs, obstacles into opportunities.
“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” — Plato
11. Be Thoughtful When You Say “No” To Something They Love:
People expect you to involve in their good time, in their experiences and memories. They want to celebrate joy with you and write chapters with you. If you say “no” certain times, they feel despised.
Instead of rejecting, you could provide the right reason. Don’t complicate things. Life is simple, just give the right reason why you don’t want to celebrate it. Mature person understands your point. And if it’s right, they don’t feel hurt.
Don’t hide something from loved ones if you want them in your life. Your privacy matters but you can assure them. Everything has a truth. Speak it, because it’s simple to express. And the powerful thing is, people expect it from you.
If you don’t like something or you feel awful. It’s okay. Just tell them that you aren’t comfortable with that. And it’s actually simple than half baked truth.
Sometimes, put your own needs aside and involve with people. You feel the happiest person who has celebrated togetherness. This is your love — To be open and smiling for others.
“Try to be a rainbow in someone’s cloud.” — Maya Angelou
12. Digest Emotional Dirt Like A Strong Human Being:
Our loved ones become messy sometimes. They don’t explain to you why and expect unrealistic needs that you can’t fulfill. Most people don’t know why they’re feeling like this.
They want you to understand them. They feel outrageous and insecure. They hurt you and throw harsh tantrums.
They do it because they feel like it. We’re all imperfect and can’t solve everything with a clock’s time.
It’s up to you how to react. If you act the same as them. You both hurt each other, and little spark can ignite the fire.
Better is, handle emotional dirt. Not because they want to hurt you but because they’re a human being. You can discuss after the situation but manage proactively instead of instant reaction.
“Sometimes being understanding is more important than being right. Sometimes we need not a brilliant mind that speaks but a patient heart that listens. Not a keep eye that always sees faults but open arms that accept. Not a finger that points out mistakes but gentle hands that lead.” — Pavithra Ram
We’re different, and we create different stories. We expect from others to hear out those stories.
Everyone expects that, but few people listen carefully. And they enjoy the benefits of healthy relationships.
They don’t behave like others. They support, love, listen, care and respect other’s stories, so they feel liked and respected.
What you give to the world, it’ll be back to you. Whether it’s love or hurt. It depends on you what you want to reflect.
No one is perfect, and people don’t expect you to be one. They just expect you to understand what they’re yielding.
Give love and ready to receive from your loved ones.