Weight, What?
I started working out at a fairly young age. It opened up a whole new world for me. While struggling to attain some sort of personal stability as a 16 year old, it gave me the confidence I didn’t know I could have. People saw me differently, I got noticed more, and suddenly, I was addicted. Losing weight was all I could think about, I worked harder, trained longer and watched every calorie I consumed. I was possessed by numbers on a weighing scale and the slightest indulgence, made me ashamed. If those numbers wavered, it was absolute pandemonium, because to me, that meant people would stop seeing me differently.
The pressure to be a certain weight or look a certain way followed me around for years. I was so taken by the approvals and appreciative nods, it eventually became more about the weight and less about fitness along the way. Imagine the horror if someone told me I had gained some weight. It made me second guess everything.
Was I eating too much?
Was I not working out enough?
I’m never wearing these clothes again!
I’d spend hours in front of the mirror just to ensure that I was wearing something visually “flattering” whenever I met that person again — it was a mindless pit of despair that I let myself fall into.
It’s something we all faced while speedily skipping into adulthood. We were either trying to lose the delusionally termed “baby fat” or hoping we’d metamorphose from awkward and gangly to lithe and sinewy. The struggle was real… but man, little did we know that it was an easier phase to settle into.
From speedily skipping to 25, I found myself crawling past 25. My body performed a daily soliloquy as it contemplated to be (and not to be) a lot of things; even though I tried to run 5k every day, it didn’t quite affect my metabolism the same way. The peak of existential angst had hit and with it, came layers of self loathing.
After years of overthinking and weeding out the deep rooted insecurities, I learned to have a better relationship with my body and realised:
It’s not you, it’s them
You can’t control the hate. There’s always going to be someone who thinks it’s their business to determine whether you’re too fat or too skinny. The best way to deal with unsavoury words is with a compliment. Make them feel bad about their unsolicited statements with kindness. It’s 2019, and if someone still judges your fitness quotient by your appearance and chooses to voice it crassly, that’s on them. You don’t have to ever justify your body type to anyone. People who call you out for how much you weigh are probably just projecting some of their own insecurities. They’re your tummy rolls, it’s your stamina, it’s your journey and it’s every bit as powerful as anyone else’s.
Being around body positive people works wonders
This is so important. I started spending more time with people who didn’t make me feel anxious about how I looked — that instantly made me focus more on being healthy and focus less on the random remarks. It made me realise that I had such a bad relationship with my body not because I was unhappy or because I wasn’t exercising as much, it was because of the comments that I let through. I fixated on them way more than I should have and if I could go back in time, I’d give myself a hug and tell myself that I’m pretty great the way I am.
Skinny isn’t healthy, skinny isn’t weak either
People often equate being skinny, to being healthy or looking better. You could be a skinny person with incredible strength or far from skinny and have incredible flexibility. That’s the thing — it doesn’t really matter what your body type is. Your body type does not determine what you are capable of — mentally or physically.
Don’t let your eye off the prize
Stick to the goals you’ve carefully crafted for yourself. You can often lose sight of what you set out to achieve in the first place and being unhappy with yourself based on the behaviour of someone who doesn’t even know what you’re going through, is unfair. Whether it’s a marathon you’ve been training for, a career move you’re excited about, or a major life change you’ve been working on — the mean comments will weasel their way into your psyche and throw you off, but it’s all temporary. Don’t let it dim your ambition or how you feel about yourself.
Body positivity is important and if you find your friend, significant other or family member being illiterate about it, educate them! No one is perfect and we need to stop imparting and creating false standards to live by.
‘Fat’ is not an insult and standing up for someone who clearly doesn’t deserve to be told how to live their life or what to eat, is a start.
Now go enjoy that fabulous burger with a huge side of it’s none of your damn business how much I weigh.
