What If You Showed Up for Your Birthday Party Dressed as a Clam?
My friend Shelly turned 50 around Halloween last year. We thought it would be a good idea to have a party. Then we thought it would be a better idea to make it a surprise party. A few seconds later we thought of the best idea — a surprise birthday party that she thinks is a Halloween party.
First we were going to have everyone dress up as clowns to make it more about her birthday instead of Halloween, but clowns are creepy and in the news too much, so we scrapped that idea. Nobody was excited about dressing up, so we then decided that nobody would be dressed up, except Shelly.
Before you say, “that’s mean!,” because in theory it is, we only made this decision after talking about the “Halloween” party with her and she was visibly thrilled about her costume (she was excited to dress up) — we had to see what it was. And at least we warned her husband to bring extra clothes.
They arrived dressed as … a couple of happy clams! Fortunately, the costumes were just clam hats so they weren’t left hanging around in giant clam suits all night.
So why did Michele show up to her birthday party dressed as a clam? Because she expected a Halloween party. She didn’t get what she expected, but as it turns out she got something a whole lot better.
How often do we feel disappointed because something that we were expecting or anticipating doesn’t occur? Someone you thought might ask you out on a date doesn’t, an appointment you were looking forward to gets cancelled, a business venture doesn’t turn out as you planned.
What if instead of feeling disappointed, or angry, or hurt, we decided that something better was on the way, and this was just a stepping stone toward that better thing?
Michele could have gotten angry because we tricked her, and stormed out of the house before she got to enjoy all the people who came to celebrate her (and the presents!). She could have missed out on this wonderful opportunity because of her disappointment that there was no Halloween party, and no one else was dressed up.
Of course, it is unlikely that anyone would literally get mad because you threw them a birthday party, but I think the analogy still holds up. When things happen in a way other than we expect, most of us are conditioned to feel disappointed. But where does that get us? Often it stops us in our tracks, and possibly prevents us from pursuing our dreams.
I started writing my book because I had an opportunity, after attending a Hay House Writers Conference, to submit a book proposal to them that they would actually look at via a contest. I expected to win that contest. I visualized it. I took massive action. I thought about how I would feel if I won second or third prize, which were self-publishing packages, instead of the Hay House contract. I felt sure that I would win one of them, confident it would be first prize.
The day came and I got the email … and my name was nowhere to be found. Was I disappointed? Honestly, yes, very. But I didn’t get stuck in it. Thankfully I have realized after looking back at all the things in my life that didn’t turn out as planned, although I felt hurt at the time, I can see now how it always led to something better, even though when I was in it, I couldn’t see how it would.
Instead of throwing away my dream of writing a book, I looked past the disappointment, and the how, and finished it. And although many, many things happened that I didn’t expect during the process, I am grateful that I continued without knowing how it would work out, because now I have a published book that turned out better than I expected.
So, the next time something doesn’t turn out the way you planned, think of the happy clam who ended up being the birthday star, even though she didn’t expect it.
