What Should I Do with My Life?
A millennial reflection on 23 years of life
I wondered about that question for almost a decade. I was a kid who spent most of his days reading rather than playing football. I read many books from R. L. Stine to George Orwell, understanding the flaws of humanity and how we could make it better. I questioned everything, and it became a power that the parents of a twelve-year-old child were not prepared for.
I will always remember the time I realised books made me see the world differently. It started within the walls of my high school and the after-shave of my history teacher.
We were sitting in class; the teacher walked between tables, his aftershave dancing behind his shadow. He handed us our tests, one by one, my heart racing as he approached. The paper fell on the table. The red blur was an omen for things to come.
That evening I ran straight to my room, trying to think of a plan to get my mother to sign my test — the teacher had asked for a signature to prove that our parents had seen our results — and I kept wondering about the value of grades. I walked downstairs with my copy and one question in mind. My mom took the paper and with a trembly voice I said: “I know.”
“You know? Can you explain this?”
“Why…” I looked at the kitchen tiles and filled my lungs with air “Why does it matter? Why do we have to be graded when we die in the end?”
“Don’t be ridiculous, don’t say stuff like that.”
“It’s true. Can you explain?”
My mother froze.
Who? Why?
The school system had taught us to stay in line and never step out of it; the peculiar kids, the outcasts, were geeks or bookworms. I was one of them and still am today.
I was not living a teenager’s life, but thousands of lives spread over time and space. Children who read develop a natural gift for empathy and effortless talent for spreading ideas. My bookshelf and I realised the irony of the world, why speaking about freedom when I need to respond to a normality that I did not choose?
The 9 to 5: study, get a job, build a family and enjoy your life once retired (if you’re alive).
“We don’t need no education,
We don’t need no thought control,
No dark sarcasm in the classroom,
Teachers, leave them kids alone,
Hey, Teachers, leave them kids alone”
— Pink Floyd, Another Brick In The Wall
I saw the school system suffocate creativity by imposing schematic teachings that lead to delaying the development of a critical and personal mindset.
With this in mind, I looked around and felt the impact of such a system. I witnessed countless people settle for a simple job because they needed money or did not question their teaching. I have seen friends, after fifteen years, opening their eyes to discover their dreams buried in the abyss of normality.
According to Career Change Statistics, a person will change career five to seven times during their working life and 21% of higher education graduates use all of their training at work.
Goodbye and Welcome
“A reader lives a thousand lives before he dies. The man who never reads lives only one.” — George R. R. Martin
I was lost more time than I could count, claustrophobic between the walls normality had built. I navigated the path that I had thought figure out, but soon realised I had become what I craved not to be. I had moved to London thinking I was cool, that I had done something incredible, escaping the French countryside in the hope to feel like I belong. But I realized it’s okay not to belong anywhere, not to fit in, as long as you accept who you are.
It’s funny how much you learn by swimming from mistakes to mistakes; I was in a job that was easy and well paid, but my instinct was shouting at me to leave. The books and movies I had watched came back all at once. I didn’t drown but surfed my path to redemption. I left my job and decide to pursue what I’ve dreamed to do since I was twelve. I broke up with my adulthood and opened my arms to my five-year self.
I remembered the feeling of not stopping at a simple no, the excitement when I walked onto the grass, but the sign said no; I wanted to push the boundaries and learn about myself. And it felt good. I understood what I had to do by studying the lives of others, books, music, films, paintings and all kinds of art. Dreams are meant to be tested. They deserve to be given a chance. They are not meant to live in our heads until it is too late to test them.
My advice: follow your five-year-old self.
