What we could all learn from quotes
Use this perspective in your life and I promise your life will be more fulfilling
Have you ever been in a discussion with someone and felt that it was just impossible to make them see your point?
I have. Many times. More times than I can count actually. Which is a decent, but not exceptional number.
The issue is, that the same amount of times that you have experienced it yourself; chances are that the person you were talking with experienced it as well.
What has any of this to do with quotes?
I’m glad you asked.
Let me give you an example.
There are two great days in a person’s life — the day they are born, and the day they discover why. — William Barclay
In my opinion, this is a great quote. There is a lot of wisdom and flair pressed into a single sentence.
Now, imagine for one second that you were in a wild discussion with Barclay and he dropped this sage nugget of wisdom. Do you find it likely that you would just drop your train of thought and appreciate the wisdom in it?
I for one, would rather find some argument to try to win: “so what you are trying to say is that the rest of people's lives are just a gray slush?”
Naturally, we can all see that the this is not the point that Barclay is trying to convey here.
The issue is that when we are discussing with people we (especially me) do this…
All.
The.
Time.
What do you mean?
Well, what I’m trying to show you is that we all have the capacity to see what the other person is really trying to say. The problem, as a close friend of mine states it, is that we seek the ways to win a discussion rather than understanding the point that the other person is making.
Instead of trying to find the holes in the arguments, try your best to understand the other person’s view.
You don’t have to agree with said point, but, refusing to see what the other person is saying will, in the end, hurt you.
Why will it hurt me you ask?
Let’s go through some scenarios.
A — you want to win the discussion very bad. Like your life depends on it bad.
Then let me just ask you a simple question.
Do you think the other person will be more inclined to listen to you, if they 1) feel like you’re not even listening to them, or 2) understand them, and communicate back to them, follow up with questions, and then express your points after that?
B — You only discuss because debating is fun.
I can appreciate this. And if you really find debating joyful then I would still argue that by trying deeper to understand the other person is making you will learn a lot more.
By really taking in the other person’s point you will grow both on a personal level, and in terms of debating skill.
Finally, as someone that enjoys debating it is important to be aware of how the other person is feeling. Are they enjoying it as well, or are you taxing your relationship with that person by continuing a discussion where someone only wants to make you understand how they think?
Sounds great, where do I sign up?
All you will have to do is this.
Every time you find yourself trying to hard to win an argument.
Or you feel that the other person isn’t listening to you (it goes both ways).
Imagine that what they just said was a quote. Is there anything that I agree with here? What is the person really trying to tell me?
And I promise you, you will have much more productive discussions, and learn a lot more. Not to mention that your conversations will be much more pleasant.
Discussions are a great way to grow. People are trying to show you a piece of who they are and how they see the world. All you have to do is listen.
Thank you for your time.
Regards, Adam.
