When to Stop Using Self-Deprecating Humor and What to Do Instead
Don’t put yourself down any more than necessary
If you’re more used to the words “low self-esteem” than just “self-esteem,” then there may be a problem.
It’s hard to think highly of yourself. If you talk about what you’ve accomplished, it could be seen as boasting. If you don’t talk about it, you can’t contribute much to conversations. You also can’t talk about things that you’re excited about.
Being humble seems like the solution, but not if you take it to the extreme. It’s not humble of you to say that you write nothing but trash, but you’ll still do it. Instead of settling at modest or humble, you might find yourself defaulting to something that everyone can relate to: self-deprecation.
More specifically, you’ll use humor to make fun of yourself and your flaws. It’s easy to see why. It makes you seem approachable. It shows that you’re self-aware and that you’re not afraid to be vulnerable.
We’ve all used this kind of humor from time to time, but it can easily become a problem. If you use it daily, it might be a sign of something else. You don’t have to stop using it outright, but you should be careful. It all starts with identifying why you might feel the need to use it.
Why You Use so Much Self-Deprecating Humor
My first instinct when people bring up my writing is to say as little as possible. If I say too much then I risk boring the other person or embarrassing myself (mostly the latter). However, I also keep quiet to avoid dismissing my writing as bad or unimportant.
I don’t actually think it’s bad (most of the time), but the urge to say that it is protects me from criticism. I understand that criticism is good and it helps us grow, but that doesn’t make it fun to receive. Therefore, I feel the need to put up walls before I hear the other person’s opinion.
These mental gymnastics are ridiculous but everyone does them.
There are all kinds of reasons for putting yourself down. I just listed mine. Yours might be any of the following:
- Genuine self-esteem issues.
- You’re trying to make light of something.
- You want to make people laugh.
- You’re trying to hide something.
Your depressing sense of humor has a root, and you should know it. If you don’t, then you’ll have no way of stopping it should it spiral out of control. And there are a few signs that’ll warn you if it’s getting to that point.
Signs That You’re out of Control
As bad as it might sound, there’s nothing wrong with putting yourself down until it becomes a problem.
If your first reaction to a comment about your appearance is to put yourself down, then you might have a deeper problem. You shouldn’t be jumping at the chance to insult yourself, even if you know that it’ll get laughs.
If you put yourself down while you’re alone, that’s a huge red flag. No one’s around to laugh at your funny joke, so why are you telling it? I guarantee that you don’t find it funny.
The worst part is when you believe some of your jokes. You’ll say something awful to be humorous, but deep down, you think it’s true. Calling yourself ugly and insulting the content you create both falls under this category.
Self-deprecation can easily spiral out of control if you’re not careful. You can’t let that happen. You’ve got to break the cycle.
What You Can Do Instead
There are plenty of ways to escape the cycle that you’re trapped in. The easiest way is to simply do what you’ve been taught to do.
If someone compliments you or says that they’ve read your work, thank them. It’s not that hard. Just thank them for whatever nice thing they said and continue the conversation from there.
Most people will actually prefer when you do this. If they’re complimenting you, they want a positive conversation. Responding to their positive comment with a self-deprecating joke brings down the mood.
It’s also rude. They went out of their way to say something nice and you’re essentially calling them a liar.
If you’re afraid of losing your funny negative jokes, then shoot for the opposite effect. If someone mentions your work, gas it up. Pretend to boast about your masterpiece. They’ll probably tell you to shut up in a bantering kind of way.
Spread Positivity
It’s easy to be negative, which is why everyone does it. It doesn’t necessarily need to stop, but the world is in desperate need of more positivity. This is a good place to start.
Compliment your friends, tell your loved ones that you appreciate them, lift yourself up to the point where your friends tease you about it. Do it so much that you forget why you self-deprecated in the first place.
It’s not a solution to whatever deep-seated issues may be causing your negative sense of humor, but it won’t deepen them either. It’s essentially faking confidence until it becomes real.
Conclusion
It’s funny to be the self-aware one in the group, but not if it puts your mental health at risk. No amount of laughter is worth that. And if receiving that laughter is your way of coping with all the negativity, then fine, but you should still seek more positive ways to cope.
The world needs more positivity. We could all stand to be easier on ourselves. Silence your inner editor, ignore the voice that calls you ugly, and just be the best version of yourself.
