When Will It Be My Turn?

The lesson in life I dislike the most is learning the hard way, having to go through not so good circumstances to appreciate the good and great things life has to offer.

In some cases I am okay with learning the hard way, but as relates to my heart and relationships, I’d rather not.

I am currently in a holding pattern, a cocoon of some sort and I want out.

What I do understand is, I am in this cocoon out of necessity, because my heart has been so mishandled for so long, the only way to protect it and to ensure proper healing is to keep it under lock and key. I feel as if for the last decade I’ve been in this cycle of horrible misfortunes as relates to men. You’ve read the stories before, I’ve shared them with you.

I’m a little angry right now, and I really don’t get it completely. Yes, I understand I am in a hiding place, and God is protecting my heart. But Lord, could you please allow one of your sons who has some integrity to at least smile my way?

Love seems to have lost my name, my address, my telephone number and my email address. Love seems to have decided to escape my grasp, allowing foolishness, deception, usury of the worst kind, and disappointment to find me.

I don’t ever want to believe the lie that the adversary is trying to sear on my mind with the hot iron of deceit, telling me “love will never know your name Tia, you’re a better writer when you’re heartbroken”. Although heartache produces beautiful art, love has produced some of the greatest pieces I’ve written to date.

Sometimes it seems as if I am the only person I know that has gone through this conundrum of messiness, I know it’s not true.

Dating after 35 is rough for several reasons. Reason number one is, at this age you have little to no patience for people who aren’t consistent, who aren’t somewhat together, and those who are still “finding themselves”. Although we are ever learning and evolving as human beings, by 35 we should know who we are. Hey, I’m learning new things about me daily, but I still KNOW who I am.

Wanting to know when my turn for love is coming isn’t a continual battle for me, but when the battle comes it is very distracting.

I know according to the word of God, He will give me the desires of my heart and all things are working together for my good. Even with knowing this truth, and understanding that God has me in a holding pattern or cocoon of protection, I still struggle. I struggle because I am human, and some days it kind of hurts to see others have their turn, while I am just waiting for mine. I am genuinely happy for people when love finds them or when they find it, but the thought lingers in the back of my mind; what’s the matter with me, when will it be my turn?

The important thing is the timing of this distraction. I am now writing consistently, I am planning to move forward on a few things as relates to my purpose/goals, I am clear on my single status not being forever, and I was growing content in my temporary state of singleness.

This desire has come at a time in my life, when I am planning and doing more than I have done in a long time. It has come full force, trying to appear to be larger than what it actually is, attempting to cause me to have a knee jerk response. NOT happening!

Distractions come to try to take you off the course of contentment, and success. When we lack contentment, desperation has a way in.

Desperation attempts to rear its ugly head, threatening to assassinate your integrity, and lies try to flood your mind telling you something must be wrong with you.

When you get to a place of discontentment, you create scenarios resulting in something that you think you need, but you quickly figure out how wrong you are about it.

I struggle with wanting it to be my turn to be courted, adored and desired. I don’t need a knight in shining armor to come and rescue me, because I don’t need to be rescued from life’s circumstances. I WANT a knight in shining armor to come to my aid, because I cannot wait to play the role of the damsel in distress.

All of us are waiting for something, each of us want it to be our turn concerning a certain area in our lives.

My area is love, courtship and ultimately marriage.

Your area may be your career. You want that promotion that seems to be slipping through your fingers each time you go after it. You feel as if they are overlooking you and choosing someone who has less experience than you do. You may even feel as if it’s because of your race or gender that you’re being overlooked.

Suppose you’re not being overlooked and it’s just not your turn?

Suppose you’re not as ready as you think you are for the position change that comes with a mountain of responsibilities? You never know what life may bring your way and how much time you might need off of work in the coming months, due to some family emergency. God sees and knows all, and is always behind the scenes working things out in our favor. That delay of it being your turn isn’t denial. You will have your turn!

Suppose the position is the perfect position for you, but you are going after that position with the wrong company?

We have to look at the big picture as relates to our turn with certain things. We may “feel like” it’s our turn, but in reality we might not be mature enough to handle what we want at the time we think we should have it.

You have been renting for some time now and you think it’s time to be a home owner, but when you to try to start the process something blocks you, preventing you from moving forward. Suppose you’re being halted because you’re not as ready as you believe you are? Suppose the delays are helping you and not harming you? Suppose those delays are taking place, so that you can save more money? Being a homeowner is a huge responsibility.

I am very spoiled and I believe a man should treat me just as my father does, that’s not reality at all. A man will never treat me as my father does, because he’s my dad and there is a difference between a spouse and a father.

I don’t like the word no at all, because I am not used to hearing it from my dad. I very rarely got a no from either of my parents, and it kind of made me very spoiled. Even today I am a bit of a brat, it’s not healthy at all.

My bratty ways have to leave me before I get into a relationship/courtship with the man I am to marry. If I go into the relationship with this frame of mind, it will not work for long. I have to learn how to accept the fact that nobody will treat me as my father does, but I can feel as safe with my spouse as I do with my father.

Not only does my bratty behavior have to cease, but my heart needs to be completely healed from past relationships. If I do not heal from what took place in my relationships from my past and recent history, I will not be able to fully give myself to the awesome man God has for me. There is a process that has to take place before my turn comes. I am currently in the process and I do not want to take myself off course because I “feel like” I’ve been waiting too long.

Most likely I am still waiting because I am not ready for my turn at bat.

Just as I have a process, you have a process to go through before it’s your turn. Maybe you have to stop complaining about where you are, and what you don’t have, before you are able to have your turn.

You can’t run a 5k marathon before you have trained for it. How can you run the 5k, when during the 1k you fainted half way through the race? Makes no sense at all does it?

How can you expect to be promoted to a higher position, when all you do is murmur and complain about your present position?

I strongly believe our turn comes when me learn how to be content in whatsoever place we find ourselves in, Philippians 4:11–13 tells us we can be content through the strength of Jesus Christ . All contentment means is, I am appreciative with what I have right now, while I am on my way to get what is coming. Contentment is patience and we all know that patience is power. In this present age patience is not popular, we want things right now and we are willing to jump in line to get it.

We can’t jump in line, because when we jump the line we’re taking someone else’s turn. When you take someone else’s turn, you’re taking someone else’s stuff. Why on earth would you want another person’s stuff, when you can just wait your turn and get what was specifically for you?

When we exercise contentment and patience while waiting our turn in the line of life, we are setting ourselves up to get what is tailor made and perfect for us.

The bible says in James 1:4 let patience have her perfect work, that you may be perfect and entire lacking nothing!

What does this mean Tia?

It means if you wait your turn and trust God with the process of your life, practicing patience and contentment, you will reach a place in life where you lack NOTHING and are fully mature in areas that you once struggled in.

The word perfect in the bible does not mean perfection in the sense that we think about it, it means complete and mature, coming to fruition, like a completed work. We are Gods workmanship (Ephesians 2:10), which means God is constantly working on us to get us to a place in Him and in life that brings glory to His name.

When we wait in contentment and patience, we are allowing the process to do its thing with us, giving us the results we truly desire and ultimately need. Everything we desire to have is on the other side of a process and patience.

You can’t acquire the degree without going through a program of study, acquiring a certain number of credits and completing the courses. For some of us even after getting the degree, there are still tests to be taken to become registered or certified in the field of work we choose. It’s not solidified that you’re an attorney or a nurse until you have taken the proper test and passed it with the score that is required.

It is the same when waiting your turn. We cannot pass to the next phase until we have gone through the process of maturity, contentment and patience.

Life is a big classroom, it can be fascinating, frustrating, sad, disappointing, an emotional roller coaster, very hard, difficult, unfair, spectacular, amazing, and exciting. Sometimes it can be all of these things in the course of one day, that’s life.

While we wait our turn for what we desire, keep in mind that where you are today, isn’t your final destination, and once you pass through the process you are presently in, you’ll get what it is you desire.

When will it be your turn?

Sooner than what you know.

Don’t be distracted by discontentment. Remind yourself that what you’re waiting for is worth it and you will not jump out of line going after what you think is it. Stay the course, you’re going to appreciate that you stayed patient!

I am praying for us!