Who Am I?
Exploring the definitions I give myself to define who I am
I am single.
I am Chinese.
I am British.
I am living in China.
I am a teacher.
I am happy.
I am a son.
I am confident.
I am ambitious.
I am healthy.
I am not an introvert.
I am 23 years old.
I am a husband.
I am British.
I am Chinese.
I am living in London.
I am a consultant.
I am vulnerable.
I am grateful.
I am a son.
I am healthy.
I am an introvert.
I am 33 years old.
What is constant in my 2 answers taken 10 years apart?
Is it being Chinese, is it being British? If you asked me 10 years ago, I would have answered to you I feel more British than Chinese. Nowadays I feel I am 50 50. So this has changed over time. Nationality in itself can change. It’s possible to go and live in the US for as long as I need to obtain citizenship.
Is it being a son? Sure for now, but at some point I will no longer be a son, that identity will slowly disappear when my parents pass away. You may argue that I will always be a son because I have parents regardless if they are living or not. The meaning and purpose of being a son will change. In their passing it will be more of a memory than an active role I will play.
Picking Apart ‘I am…’
‘I am…’ constantly changes. One moment I am a husband having dinner with my wife, the next minute I am a son talking to my mother on the phone. One day I am happy enjoying life, the next day I am stressed out from the pressures of work. We latch on to these ‘I am’ identities and it is the ‘be all and end all’ for us.
A simple everyday example is when someone asks you, ‘What do you do?’. For my response is, ‘I am a customer experience consultant; I help businesses to gather feedback from their customers and drive insights into that data’. Is that who I am?
Am I really a vulnerable, grateful, healthy, introvert, 33 year old Chinese British consultant husband son living in London?
Or are these identities given to me by society, given to me by me? Identities I latch on to, to try to make sense of myself and this world.
What is Really Constant?
The constant in all the above statements is ‘I’. For me this is the ‘being’ in human being. The ‘I’ exists deeper than the ‘am…’ and is constant. The ‘am…’ is the façades covering my ‘I’. This ‘I’ is something I am exploring further and further. For me it is as deep as I can see, it is infinite.
I find it when I connect with nature. I find it when I am present in the moment. I find it when I drop all the ‘I am’s..’
It feels peaceful and serene, it is there within me hidden underneath all my identities. I can access it when I remove my identities and attachments. It is like the Sun which is always shining, and the clouds that cover the light are my thoughts and identities.
The question is not who am I? The question is am I aware of my Sun? Can I remove the clouds and be the light?
