Why feedbacks don’t feed back
You’re not asking for feedback right.
Have any feedback?
Have you ever asked this question? I know I have.
What I’m about to say, might sound really confusing to you.
Feedback is good. It’s powerful, it has the potential to change people. That’s for inanimate object, for products, for services. It can’t be generally applied to things that wake up, eat, work, shit and go back to sleep. Us, humans, I mean.
You always want to improve, right? Being good feels good, right?
👎Wrong.
I mean being good does feel good, but that’s not why you want to improve. Humans have a “need for attention”. It is not evident, this need. But we have it inside us, somewhere below our deepest cells.
Asking feedback 101
Okay. This is not an actual how-to, but I think you’ll really take away something from here.
Maybe we’ll discuss what can go wrong while asking feedback.
“What do you think about me?” “What are my weak points?” “Where do you think I can improve?” Are all cliche questions that you might probably ask. You know what is the problem with these questions? They all give you the receiver's point of view about you. But that’s the whole point of asking for a feedback right?
Um..
yeah..
no..
no..ah?
See, the point of feedback is improvement. It should not change with another person’s opinion about you. Everyone has their own rules about what is right and what is wrong. Err..I think it’s still confusing.
Remember the kid from the picture? He might be calling the photographer to show him something cool on the floor. He might be offering a mildly shy handshake to the photographer. Who knows?
I have two opinions (three, if you read the caption) about the picture. Another person might have a couple of different opinion. That’s the problem. But I’m pretty sure the kid’s badass.
I’ll give you an example. Your friend asks you what were some bad things in his/her attitude. You can go on about about he/she is this and that and how she was at this and he was when that happened. But wait. Suppose your friend has a drinking problem. And suppose you drink, too. If he/she asks you about her behavioral flaws, you are probably not gonna mention the drinking part. But if she had asked the same question to another person who had a terrible childhood because her dad was a drunkard, drinking would top the list, any time of the day. You get what I mean? What you get as a feedback might not be the greatest problem you face.
What can you do?
Be your own judge.
Be ruthless in self assessment. Understand that nobody is perfect, and start thinking about the various times you had felt bad about yourself. Jot them down. This could be your “What I shouldn't be..” list.
Now ask people. “Do you think I overreact too often?” “Do you think I drink too much?” “Do you think I lose my cool too quick?”
You’d still be getting people’s opinion about these issues, but their still focused on what you should be focused on.
Come out of your comfort zone. Be open about your problems, and confident that you can overcome them. Remember. Feedback, to feed back.
I think that’s it. Next time you ask feedback, remember what you just read. Focus on what’s worst.
Have any feedback?
Boy, we’re caught in a loop aren’t we.
If you like what you just read, click the 👏 icon. If you loved it, long-press it. Medium does some cool animation thing with numbers when you long press.
