Why You Need to Stop Reading About Other People’s Success
We are primed to determine our success by comparing ourselves to others — and that’s not okay.
I find real-life stories inspiring. It’s enchanting learning about how someone grew from small, humble beginnings into a successful kick-ass boss. It’s also quite comforting reading about how the average Joe succumbed to success and gives us hope that we can too. These news reports, articles and books can be empowering — emphasis on “can be”.
Recently I have read more articles and books on topics such as motivation, staying focused and achieving goals. Thanks to algorithms, the more I have read about others achieving success, the more books and articles I am suggested to read on these topics.
These books and articles may be inspiring and sometimes even useful. But after consuming a fair chunk of this information over the last few months I’ve felt my brain load on an overwhelming amount of pressure.
The Fine Line Between Inspiration and Expectations
I’m all for supporting and celebrating other’s achievements but there’s a fine line between finding others inspiring and placing heavy expectations on ourselves.
These stories can help spark motivation but somewhere along the way my mental illness started to become greatly impacted by all this success — that I apparently wasn’t achieving. The type of amazing success where people earn thousands of dollars from their side hustle or came up million-dollar sock company.
Trying to find the right balance between inspiration, realistic expectations and daring to dream big is a tough one, especially when considering we are encouraged to compare ourselves.
We Are Encouraged To Compare Ourselves
In order to achieve success, we’re encouraged to compare ourselves, do market research and investigate what our competitors. We are told to explore what our competitors manage well and follow their lead or find their flaws and fill the gap. Either way, we need to assess our competitors and monitor their progress regularly.
This constant comparison is also often how we are primed to determine our own success — how else do we measure our successes if not against the yardstick of others?
Although as a former business student, I know these tips can make or break a business. Knowing your competitors is vital but we’ve got to become more aware of when knowing competitors may lead to toxic comparison.
They Succeeded, So You Can Too?
Another way our success is measured in modern-day society is often via other peoples’ acknowledgement and validation of our achievements — but this isn’t a healthy way to live. I know from personal experience it’s always a hollow victory.
We determine our own definition of success and deserve to celebrate it.
It can be hard to manage this when everyone is sharing their successes on social media or in their latest book. There’s no right or wrong way to find or achieve success. But we need to make sure it doesn’t cost us our mental health along the way.
There’s this hope that if they can succeed then, of course, you can too. But when you pour your heart out, plan, strategise and try your best only to fail (yet again) it can be soul-destroying.
Failing can make you feel like ‘what is wrong with me?— if they can do it then why can’t I?’ It leaves us with damaging questions like —‘what on earth is wrong with me?’
The Secret To Success
There’s no secret key to success and yet this idea is what we’re constantly being sold in every book, article or Instagram post we see.
Everyone is different. There’s no one habit, goal or strategy that’ll get you where you want to go. The recipe for success is likely a mixture of hard work, courage, optimism and a fairly good dose of luck.
Why Do We Hardly Ever Talk About Luck?
Earlier this year I read Malcolm Gladwell’s book Outliers. The book highlights how ‘luck’ is part of the key to success. You can be smart, savvy and supposedly do everything right and still encounter bad timing, bad connections or even, do I dare say, a pandemic.
A real-life example: In an AWAL interview earlier this year, Finneas O’Connell explained…
“[B]eing born when I was born and you know just being able to afford a computer… living in LA, you know, making music, being homeschooled and having time in the day to make all that music was just like a gift I was given of sort of time and resources.”
Now I am not undermining O’Connell’s talent, he clearly deserves praise and the five Grammy’s he won due to all his hard work but timing and luck do impact our chances at success and we have to start acknowledging that.
Final Thoughts
Don’t shut off from all the inspiration, tips and advice on success. Just be mindful of the damaging effects comparison and expectations can have on our minds. We have the power to determine our own definition of success and deserve to celebrate it.
Remember, you can achieve but you don’t need to compare yourself to others or make sure that you are ‘at least doing better than them.’ Follow your dreams and those business moguls on Instagram just be aware of the many factors that can influence success and toxicity of comparison.
