You make an impact when you speak your truth. You make an impact when you stop hiding from yourself.
We hide from ourselves when we feel it isn’t safe to express who we are. It’s a method of protection, we can’t bare having our feelings hurt.
Women who hide from themselves have the most valuable words to say.
There’s no getting around your intricacies. Admit it, this is who you are, and you hate it. You’re so petrified of rejection, that you’ve been living a lie.
If you continue to hide you’ll always have a sense of being not enough.
Working towards self-acceptance is the only way to change. It’s acknowledging your most uncomfortable truths.
Exploring unpleasant personality traits help to determine what you want in life. These traits developed because you weren’t able to express your needs in a healthy manner or safe space. Unmet needs are the cause of immature or primal behaviour such as unrighteous anger, manipulation, and control.
When you continue to unconsciously produce these behaviours you’re operating from a survival mindset instead of a creative one. A survival mindset is reactive, a creative mindset solves problems and renders new experiences.
The unpleasant traits in your personality developed for a reason, maybe it was to preserve your innocence during other people’s toxic behaviours and abuse. The goal wasn’t to turn you into a wreck of a person but to protect you at all costs.
You haven’t normalized the fact that it’s safe, even expected to simply, feel how you feel. You will feel unhappy, depressed and have painful experiences in life. Pain is the fastest way to get your attention, it’s the vehicle of change.
Your job is to gently unwrap those traits and say, “thank you, thank you for your protection but I’m going to stand up for myself now, in healthy ways.
You start this process when you stop hiding from yourself.
1. You hide from yourself when you don’t tell your story.
It’s hard to break the silence, even if it’s only for your ears. It’s an acknowledgment of your truth. Hearing the words out loud hold weight, bring disbelief, shame, and disgust. In the oral tradition, storytellers pass history, blessings, and warnings through voice. Whatever purpose your story holds, it must be told.
I’m a recovering people pleaser, all I knew was this need for constant external validation to feel good. I’d throw my needs and self-worth out the window as long as I got other people’s approval. I was terrified that the people I love would reject me.
I’m still learning to articulate my needs apart from being a total “bitch” or nervous doormat.
I would have never known that this wasn’t unique to me if someone didn’t share their similar story. The relief that went through my body knowing I wasn’t alone made me realize that I could choose differently. That’s the first step in any recovery.
When you speak your story out loud there is healing, let yourself cry out. When you’re done, hold your space gently. It’s time to have compassion.
How do you have compassion when you don’t believe your positive self-talk, cognitive behaviour therapy, and prayers?
You may not be able to believe in your self-worth right now, but maybe you can believe that you’re just as good as anyone else. This isn’t about being delusional. Some people are more skilled than you. Some people are less skilled than you, but you take up space just the same as any one of them. That’s how you hold compassion.
You might feel scared to share your story because you’re a genuinely private person, I’ve been there. I don’t like being vulnerable and exposing my business to the world. This isn’t a confessional. It took time, but I did it anyway.
You’re not suppressing your story because you’re a private person, you’re suppressing it because of shame and fear. You’re afraid of being judged for letting things get this bad. Speaking the truth makes it real. Healing comes with sharing your story with the appropriate people.
2. You hide from yourself because you speak in intuition instead of concrete facts.
You hide when you feel that you can’t express what you want to say. Speaking in intuition means you rely on a sixth sense that has no logical explanation.
I discovered that I have an uncomfortable ability to pick up on other people’s emotions. Sometimes I just feel them around me, sometimes I see colours around the person, other times I’m compulsively pulled to go to a specific location or to talk to a certain person. After discussing this with friends I realized that they didn’t have these experiences, so I shut my mouth at the risk of sounded coocoo. I shut up my truth.
Over the next few months, you know what else I realized? That there were many other people, outside my friend circle that knew exactly what I was talking about. When they shared their stories I felt connected. They made an impact on my life.
Following your intuition allows you to make better connections. Don’t be afraid to use your intuition to speak. The right people will be able to hear you.
3. You hide from yourself when you don’t want to disrupt the peaceful bubble you’ve created.
You’re scared that if you made an impact you would be good at it. You don’t want your life to be disrupted. You’re not like everyone else, you value peace. You don’t want to be on someone else’s timeline. You don’t want to have your creativity churned out on a schedule instead of flowing naturally.
You’re scared of being drained. You’re scared of not being able to escape, unplug, or sleep for days. You don’t feel wise enough to influence large amounts of people, you’re not even sure you care about influencing large amounts of people.
Stepping into roles of impact allows us to be in a position to effect positive change. Dishonest people who are in roles of power will control the direction of the world if there is no one to challenge them.
You don’t have to be on a stage to make an impact, when you speak up for yourself you allow others to do the same.
4. You hide from yourself because you’re scared of your talent.
You don’t want to sound egotistical but you’re damn good at what you do. It comes naturally, but you lack the discipline to harness it.
We start to self-sabotage when we dream bigger than ourselves. Everything you do should be for your self-discovery. Find out how you like to write, teach music, or dance; feel comfortable with that before incorporating someone else into the process.
Keep your head down and repeat the production of your natural talents, try not to get distracted with the hype. Yes, feedback is necessary to grow, but it’s useless if you don’t show up.
It’s not the motivation you lack but self-esteem. If you’re having trouble believing in your talents, start working on rebuilding your self-esteem. Stop hiding from yourself.
5. You hide from yourself when you don’t want to leave anyone behind.
To stay small is to stay connected. It means challenging the constructs of how you grew up, loosening and bending rules, disappointing your parents, disagreements between friends, and challenging what you know about God.
You don’t need to pretend to be holy, you need to discover yourself. You grow in all areas of life when you’re aware of your strengths and weaknesses.
You hide from yourself to make others feel comfortable. They take your growth as a personal attack. It brings light to their areas of deficiency.
You’re scared of losing people who stunt your growth.
Stop putting effort into people. Let them put effort into you. You already know the people that are your ride or die. Anyone who gets left behind chose to leave.
You can always find a community. You are the one putting limitations on yourself.
Stop hiding from yourself by trusting that the people who are supposed to be in your life will find you.
6. You hide from yourself by numbing out on substances to feel better.
Things that are better than dealing with your own emotions:
- Sugar addiction
- Having a glass of wine at night
- Binge-watching Netflix
- Being the best partner in your relationship
- Doting over your kids
- Taking awesome vacations
We all practice escapism. Escapism gives you temporary relief from your emotions when you’re feeling overstimulated. It allows you to return to a problem rejuvenated.
Disappearing into a movie, or someone else can help you deal with your reality when you’re handling with high levels of stress.
Constantly wanting to escape life without knowing what you’re avoiding is counterproductive. It’s through self-discovery that you get to the root of what you want. Many of us discover that we’re in the wrong career, we do want love, and we’ve been living our entire lives for someone else.
Who are you behind the facade? What emotions are so disturbing that you pretend they aren’t there?
I challenge you to explore these questions by getting curious about how you feel. Journal your answers, see who you find.
You’re hiding from yourself when you could be making an impact. You don’t need to be the next great star, showing up, just as you are, and sharing your story is not meaningless. It will bring you freedom. It’s what the world is waiting for.