One Year

A year ago
I was wide-eyed and bushy tailed,
excited
ready to take on the world.
I was ready for adventure.
Slowly,
everything changed.
A struggle here,
A stressor there.
But,
it was fine,
right?
Nothing I couldn’t handle.
I was fine.
I kept moving forward.
I persevered
Said,
“I can do this.
It will get better.”
But,
it didn’t.
It only got worse.
It only hurt more.
It only drove me crazier.
5 months ago
I was falling apart
I didn’t think I would survive.
In fact,
I was sure I wouldn’t,
sure I couldn’t.
At the rate I was going,
I was sure I’d wind up
where I was 5 years ago —
breaking bottles
just to say the blood was an accident,
bleeding in the bathroom
just trying to cover up the scars.
I wouldn’t go through that again.
I made a decision,
might have squandered a chance.
But I’m standing here today,
still surviving.
And that’s better,
right?
I’ve struggled,
and now its time
for me to keep going.
A year ago
I was ready for the world.
Now I’m just ready to keep trying.