I was picking up the Piñata Court this morning when Percy emerged from the sub-basement below the Old Building wearing her white Buildings & Grounds coveralls.

Truth be told, it was quite a sight. I won’t lie. She’s young, and a winter’s worth of hibernation had made her skin lighter, her hair darker, and her curves curvier than they were when I last saw her. She sniffed the air, then looked at me.

“Get your fucking male gaze off me, Gutbloom.” She said. Those were her first words of the 2020 season!

It’s true, I had been staring at her in the exact same way a chipmunk had been staring at me earlier in the day. The way the dog looks at you when you’ve forgotten to give it water for two days. The way the guys at the OTB stare at the video monitor after their horse comes in fifth. The way… maybe I should stop.

“How can you see what I am looking at from so far away?” I asked.

“Your tongue was hanging out,” she replied.

I closed my mouth and looked away. Percy started walking towards the Piñata Court.

“What are you doing?” She asked, “And where is everybody?”

“I’m picking up sticks and the left over Ambien that was in the ‘Piñata of Drugs’ we broke open on New Year’s. I pointed to a big tree whose shadow makes this part of the lawn “mossy” and that Percy has wanted to get rid of for years…