I’m Starting to Hate Medium
Reading, Not Writing, Has Become a Chore
Have you ever bought something from the hardware store so encased in plastic that you can’t figure out how to open it? The gaskets or wall anchors are sealed in a see-through box, and opening it requires that you get a pair of scissors or a utility knife. Even when you cut one end of the packaging off, it still won’t break apart, so you have to cut off another side or another TWO sides. When you finally peal the plastic back and get the thing open, the contents spill out onto the floor and there is no place left to hold the items you don’t use.
Reading on Medium is as frustrating as that shit.
I’m old enough to remember when you could take nails out of a bin, put them in a paper bag, and buy them by weight. I understand that there is no going back. The plastic containers are tied into an inventory system informed by the cash registers. Product gets ordered just as the item sells out. The daily drop from the mother ship contains packages from China, Vietnam, and Brazil. There are thousands, if not tens of thousands, of different units in just the “hardware” section of a store.
I don’t really care. I still think it is insane that I could cut my finger off getting at some plastic inside a container made of more hermetically sealed plastic.
I hate the world we have created.
I also hate the fact that on my iPad and iPhone I no longer see “From Your Network” on Medium.
I also fucking hate… I mean FUCKING HATE… everything Medium is pushing at me.
The iOS version of the Medium app has something called “Your Daily Read”. Man, does that piece of publishing bullshit suck donkey balls.
[Please note: I understand that the preceding sentence is no fun to read. Like I said, I hate reading on Medium. I still enjoy writing on Medium. That’s the problem here. I’m writing and you’re reading. I’m having fun and you’re not. I assure you, writing that sentence was both enjoyable and cathartic. Writing on Medium is still a gas, but reading on Medium is a drag. Sorry you had to find out this way.]
There are a lot of things wrong with “Your Daily Read.” The first is that Medium doesn’t know who the fuck I am. It thinks it knows. It thinks big data knows more about me than I do. That’s so dumb. It’s dumb because it is based on the premise that I am a rational, self-actualized, human being. I’m anything but.
When I scroll through a list of stories, I admit that I will click on anything that looks like it might have tits, dicks, or fucking. Not really because I’m interested in those topics, or that I even want to read about them. I just have to click to see what is going on. I know… it’s PATHETIC, but what can I say? You put chum in the ocean and shark smells the blood. He has to check it out. There could be some kind of feeding frenzy of perversion going on. I found this, didn’t I?
Come on. That is a GREAT read, but it is an oyster in a sea of bad clams.
I hate read politics and click on stupid Bitcoin articles that I have no intention of finishing. When I’m bored I will look at anything. My claps are more a function of my blood sugar levels and sleep deprivation than they are an accurate accounting of what I like. I button mash, often with my left thumb (I’m right handed) while eating toast with jam over the sink. 27? 33? 12? LOOKS ABOUT RIGHT TO ME.
Everyday, my “Daily Read” of five articles has two offerings by the high volume superstars I follow. Guess what? I have NO PROBLEM finding their stuff. It will be in my Network, man. I don’t need it to sit at the top of my queue ALL DAY LONG reminding me that I don’t want to read those stories. The other stuff has me flummoxed. I’ve “tuned” my interests more times than you can imagine. I must also “tune” it while I’m blackout drunk or in a psychogenic fugue state, because none of what is there is of any interest to me.
I’m not above reading what Medium forces down my throat, but it seldom makes me happy.
I read the article by Elizabeth Warren’s “Team”. That’s the “person” who posted the article, “Team Warren.” Elizabeth Warren may have “written” the article but she ain’t on Medium. Some flunky on her campaign staff “hippo-splattered” that crap onto the platform. If it was “published” here it is simply because the New York Times and Washington Post passed on the Op-Ed. Once Team Warren hit publish on Medium they got the fuck out of Dodge.
You know how I know? Because after being forced to read the Warren article, I noticed that there were 151 comments. Not realizing that the Medium universe had expanded to include all of the dumb fucks that used to be on Yahoo News, I clicked on the comments. The first fifteen comments alternate between calling her a “stupid commie” and “fauxcahontas”.
Look, Medium doesn’t make it easy to climb down a rabbit hole. I think I was 57 clicks in already, but I wanted to go further. FURTHER. Why? Because that’s the way I roll, man. I am a graduate of the Portal of Evil [DO NOT CLICK THAT LINK UNLESS YOU WANT YOUR EYES TO BLEED A LITTLE BIT], /b/, and Stile Project. When things get stupid, I am like a moth to the flame. I want to see the car wreck.
The first comment on the Warren post has seven replies. No average human can find the seven replies, but I did. I read them all. They are as dumb as the comment. Not an atom of wit among them. No funny. No lulz. Just good old fashioned American stupidity made fresh daily at your local Medium store. What was also missing was TEAM WARREN. People are shredding their candidate’s article in the comments and they don’t give a fuck.
I waded into the swamp hoping to catch a glimpse of something increasingly rare on Medium… something funny, something novel, something out of the ordinary… and all I found was… more swamp.
I’ve got more ranting to do, but I’m going to continue it in later rants. I think I might write a rant “cycle”. I may fashion it as an “epic rant” since my foray into epic literature was so successful last year. [RELAX AND TRY TO BREATHE NORMALLY, HERE COMES THE PLUG:]
What is MOST FRUSTRATING is that I just want to see what the people I follow have written. The crap Medium insists on pushing is, almost always, of no interest to me. I really like many of the people I follow. I want to read what they write.
I’m not against curation or recommendations. I like to see what is out there. I’m always looking for good things to read. I’m always looking for writers I think are funny.
But, fuck, man. Lately Medium is more frustrating than fun. I have to do so much work to get to the screws. How did we get here? I don’t know. I just know that I hate the world we have created.
