This is the Vagina monologues but with pigeons and reciprocity.

The Pigeon Speaks

…And Gives the Half-lidded Scandinavian Side-Eye (Scroll Down for That One)

You can laugh all you want and call this photo-essay a half-assed/for-the-birds initiative but it’s the only idea I got right now.

Maybe it’ll tank, who knows?

Are you ready? I am…

Coo-eee… who’s that over there? I’ll give them the evil eye.

Moseying on over to the nice soft grass. Those cobblestones are wicked on my underfoot pads.

I use this beak to coo. I can also use it as a lethal weapon. Don’t fuck with me.

I got a scrappy history:

I got friends in high places:

The last he-pigeon I met told me I had the prettiest little red feet he’d ever seen.

How ‘bout this half-lidded eye look? Sinister, eh?

All I got here is a bellyful of cheap laughs. Nothing to see

Let me move my head from side to side

What the hell is going on here?

Sundown and the end of another day. I wonder if I should go home to the loft or rent it out on Air-b-n-B for big money to someone who’s desperate for a night’s rest.

So which angle is best? This way, left, or this way, right?

Fuck me! The world is going to wreck and ruin.

Gotcha! A piece of indigestible white plastic.

You can call me beady-eyed all you want but my gloriously-orange-tinted beak is better than any hair or skin colours your “not-my-president” can aspire to.

See the way the sunlight captures the soft downiness of my puffed-out lilac chest?

I bury my face in the grass. How’s that for a snappy ending?

The pigeon has spoken.

Now it’s your turn.

I coo a response to all comments.

The photos are all my own work. The GIFs are from Giphy. All rights reserved.

More bird stuff from Augusta:

The Great Crested Grebe

Synchronized Swans of Copenhagen