The Maypole Convocation
You Are All Invited
We can’t set a date for the Maypole Convocation because the “druid/neo-pagan/morris-dancer/plain-old-cranks” caucus insists that the Spring Convocation be set by natural phenomena, so we have to wait until the lilacs bloom or the leaves on the birch trees are “the size of a mouse’s ear,” whichever works best. In either case, it’s going to be soon, so we should start planning.
The convocation is the official start of the 2016 publishing season here at the Mill. The opening festivities are intended to get us off on the right track by reminding us of our cyclic rebirth, renewal, growth, and hoped for profits. Here is a rough outline of events. Keep in mind, this is still very much a work in progress.
5:30 AM: Ritual severing of Internet connectivity, start of “unplugged” state. (we don’t really cut the actual T1 line. We just cut an old extension cord and turn off the modem. I mention this because last year that guy in accounting that does nothing but trade stocks all day came close to an MI when we cut the thing.)
6:00 AM: Sunrise Yoga on the piñata court
6:50 AM: Accusations, recriminations and complaints about the yoga instructor.
7:00 AM: Morning yoga with the new instructor
8:00 AM: Vows to never eat the following again (the list so far is: alcohol, sugar, carbs, processed meats, all other meats, dairy, salted nuts, store made peanut butter, all fruit except tomatoes, starchy vegetables, and legumes. If there are other items you think should be on the list please add them in the comments. Remember you can take the Kale vow if you want to go “all in” on the dietary aestheticism.)
8:10 AM: Vow of the Kale Extremists. (only Kale and coconut oil for 8, 21, 0r 42 days.)
8:15 AM: Breakfast Salad
8:30 AM: Discussion of how we all feel lighter already and how quickly we’ve ‘just lost the taste for….X’.
9:00 AM: Making of flower crowns and the dandelion chain [please bring any floral wire, twisty ties, and hot glue guns you have at your house. The Gretchen sisters say that using duct tape last year ruined the whole thing.]
10:00 AM: Change into white clothing (Doesn’t have to fit; doesn’t have to be that white. Underwear does not count.)
10:15 AM: Line up in the basement for emergence procession. (you may want to put bread bags over your flip flops or sandals while in the basement).
10:30 AM: Parade of emergence (this year we plan on singing ‘Aquarius’, ‘Up-Up-and-Away’, and ‘Morning has Broken.’ If you are unfamiliar with those songs you should go to youtube and brush up.)
11:00 AM: Dance of Queen Mayonnaise on the front lawn, sponsored by Seidner’s Mayonnaise®.
11:20 AM: Poems and Speeches
12:00 Noon: Matron and Crone Maypole Dance (we used to have the maidens dance around the maypole, but no matter how much I insisted that there was nothing phallic about the maypole and that it was, in fact, simply a ‘sacred tree,’ the women of the Mill insisted that the dance be restricted to women thirty years of age and older. The truth is, it’s much better now. I mean, some of those matrons and crones know their way around a maypole!)
12:30: Ritual re-connection of the Internet.
12:35: First breaking of vows, ice cream and strawberries on the lawn.
Hope you can come.