Matters of the heart
That first drop. I looked up as infinite drops pursued it, blurring out the sky. Her scent on my clothes overwhelmed by the smell of rain. The cool caress, as drops merged and trickled down into my beard. That was it. My heart plummeted, every beat echoing through my body, slower and slower… Time dragging as I lost all feeling and control. My eyes welled up with tears, or was it rain? No matter, I had lost control, I was now a stranger in my own body looking out through clouded windows.
The day had started like every other this month. Her perfect features, forming into an image in my mind, a warm wave spreading through out my body, as a sleepy grin crept onto my lips — Sigh. In a way I knew she would never be mine, some birds aren’t meant to be caged. My only solace, the sweet songs she sang while she remained. The alarm rang, shattering my dream state, shoving me into reality. Breakfast? — The hot water dripped as I closed the tap. Not today, I’m late, again.
No new notifications — She’s probably sleeping. The train pulled out of the station, late as always, good thing I didn’t run. I opened my latest read, a story of princesses and dragons, lords and lands, magic and sorcery, top notch. I read two pages and realised I had spent that time thinking of her. My bliss, my despair, my hope and dream — I need you… I really do. Taking a deep breath I stepped into the office. As always I was greeted, yet today I couldn’t even muster the strength to force a smile — Is this depression?
My heart would skip a beat every time my phone buzzed — Is it her?! No… Until a call finally came, her name popped up on my screen, an inevitable smile spread across my cheeks — It’s her! I counted to three and answered, as if I hadn’t spent the day daydreaming about her.
— ‘Can we meet? I have something to tell you…’
I never say no. Everyday without her felt an eternity and I already felt an old man, ageing in a limbo, forever waiting. Brief moments of exhilarating happiness bringing me back to life, waking me from this sentimental coma, just to slip right back into it. Was today going to be any different? Was today the day she would let me go or irrevocably hold me forever? — Please be the latter.
Time and place set, I counted the seconds till quitting time — tic toc. Now! I didn’t give anyone a chance to delay me, I jolted for the door without even looking back — ‘Good evening guys!’. Outside the weather had turned gray and gloomy, but nothing was going to break my spirit, she wanted to see me. It was all I could care about.
She was waiting, I opened the car door and sat inside. It still smelled of new car, and the seat felt comfortable as I leaned into it. We stared into each others eyes for a while — ‘Hi…’. The car rumbled as it started and she backed out of her parking space.
BOOM!
I will never forget the sound and look of terror on her face as that truck ploughed into us, the world spinning and screeching, the car crumpled and flipped. I looked to the side, adrenaline rushing through my body, her limp body held up by the seatbelt. I fumbled for my own, yelling her name in frustration, over and over, I got loose — Please, oh god please! I kicked my window out and unbuckled her, dragging her out, where I sat with her in my lap — So much blood.
Paramedics pried her from my grasp. I watched motionless as they placed her on a gurney. Thunder crackled and a rain drop landed on my bloodied hand, revealing a the skin beneath. That first drop…
