The Messy, Beautiful Journey of Setting Boundaries
Hey there, friend. 💕
Setting boundaries has been a daily struggle for me, but I’m finally making progress and want to share my journey with you.
If I’m being honest, setting boundaries is something I’ve struggled with for years. I love being there for the people I care about, but sometimes, I find myself saying yes to everything and everyone until I’m completely drained and out of touch with myself.
Just the other day, I was on an important Zoom call with my boss, and my mom came bursting into my home office, wanting to chat about dinner plans. I could feel my heart racing and my patience wearing thin as I tried to juggle work and family demands. It was like I was being pulled in a million different directions, and I just couldn’t keep up.
I’ve realized that this constant push and pull, this fear of letting people down or saying no, has been holding me back in so many ways. It’s left me feeling resentful, exhausted, and like I’m never quite enough. I’ve found myself not having the energy to pursue my own passions and interests because I’m constantly pouring from an empty cup*.
I think back to group projects where I did all the work but didn’t speak up, letting others take advantage of my kindness. Or the times when a family member kept prying into my personal life, making me want to shut everyone out and not share anything at all.
Even something as simple as saying “I’m busy” when someone asks for my time has been a struggle. I’ve learned that “I’m busy” means exactly that — I am occupied and can’t give you my full attention right now. It’s not an invitation to keep pushing or to guilt me into saying yes.
We deserve to have our needs met, our boundaries respected, and our dreams pursued. We deserve to show up as our authentic selves without apology or fear. It’s time to start speaking up, saying no when we need to, and putting ourselves first. When we do, we create the space and energy to live a life that truly feels like our own.
So, I’ve been learning to set boundaries in my life. It hasn’t been easy. I’ve had some tough conversations with the people I love, like finally telling my mom that I need quiet time during my workday. I’ve had to create physical boundaries, like putting a “do not disturb” sign on my door. I’ve had to do a lot of soul-searching to figure out what I want and need.
As I’ve started honoring my boundaries, I’ve found more peace, purpose, and joy. And I want that for you, too.
If you’re struggling with setting boundaries like I have, here are a few tips that have helped me:
- Get clear on your priorities. What matters most to you? What do you need to feel fulfilled and at peace? Write it down, and let that guide you.
- Communicate your boundaries with love and firmness. Use “I” statements, like “I need quiet time to focus on my work” or “I value our relationship, but I also need time for myself.”
- Practice self-care. Take time to recharge, do things that bring you joy, and be kind to yourself. AGAIN: You can’t pour from an empty cup (as my therapist keeps reminding me*).
- Be consistent. Setting boundaries gets easier with practice. Keep showing up for yourself, even when it feels uncomfortable.
- Surround yourself with people who respect your boundaries. Find your inner circle, the ones who lift and cheer you on. They’re out there.
This journey isn’t easy, but it’s worth it. You are worth it. Your dreams, needs, and energy are all worth fighting for.
Don’t give your energy away so freely.
OK. You have the tools, now let’s be brave and set some boundaries.
If I can do it, you can too.
With love & belief in you,
Karmin
P.S. If you want to learn more about boundary-setting, I’ve got a new article with personal stories and practical tips. Click here to read it and join me on this journey. Share your experiences and “aha” moments in the comments!
