Autism diagnosis at age 44
Reflections on a lifetime of seeing myself the same as everyone else.
Receiving an autism diagnosis at age 44 has given me a lifetime of seeing myself the same as everyone else.
Which is why it felt such a strange experience to be asked ‘how does my disability affect me and other people?’
The question came at an internal disability event I had agreed to attend as a panelist. I really should have expected it, but I didn’t.
When asked, I really didn’t know what to say. I wasn’t even sure if I was disabled.
Years of extremely high academic achievement at school and a successful contracting career further reinforced my “normality”.
My wife tells me to focus more on my personal strengths than any perceived limitations. Good advice I’ve passed on to my children.
I thoroughly enjoy contracting and moving from project to project. I also prefer to work from home and have a good degree of control over my work day.
Are these simply personality preferences, or do they more profoundly relate to my underlying autism? I’m not sure.
I have recently given a lot of thought to the challenges I’ve faced in the workplace, since first being asked ‘how does my disability affect me and other people?’
In no specific order, I would say having difficulty saying “no”, not advocating for what I need (and would like), being afraid of upsetting other people, and finding it hard to interact with people who want to control me.
I’m not sure any of these are particularly specific to having autism, but perhaps they are more difficult for people with autism to understand and accommodate.
Sometimes I do wonder if they are just uncomfortable truths of being human.
I’m Frank, an autistic software engineer and owner of Better Software UK, a software requirements consultancy.
