Being neurodivergent versus disabled
There seems to be a polarising divide between identifying as neurodivergent and using the term ‘disabled’. It’s like you need to pick a side and then staunchly advocate for it. Often with some kind of unspoken, generalised bias against disablement and all the connotations that comes with it. Something like that, anyhow.
Yet I’m grateful for having the flexibility to move between both sides as and when the circumstance best dictates. Often, when dealing with the school, I take a firm ‘disablement’ stance. I speak about budgets, funding, resources, care plans, adjustments and accommodations because that is the language of the system. Always mindful of discriminatory behaviour whilst being thankful for the Equality Act. It’s amazing to have such solid legal rights afforded to you, particularly when considering what’s available in other countries.
And yet, at home, in the comfort of our family setting, we obviously parent from a social model or strengths-based view, focusing on things like individual strengths, talents, interests, areas for improvement and challenges. Fidget toys and bouncy chairs are present, but the word ‘accommodation’ never needs to be uttered. Using the various diagnostic labels to justify not doing something, or even trying, is thoroughly discouraged unless there is good reason. The disability or deficit model really has no place in the household we aspire to.
What about my own autism diagnosis? Over time, I’ve noticed the language of disablement has become less prominent as I inhabit more and more amenable environments, both at work and home. Remote working for me is the single biggest ‘accommodation’ I need, so commonplace now it’s not worth mentioning. Once, I requested a formal advocate’s help, but that was for a court hearing that never happened anyway.
By playing both sides, am I actually sitting on the fence, having my cake and eating it too, holding society back from fully embracing everyone’s individuality? I’m not sure. Perhaps. Perhaps I’m a pretty crap advocate for even entertaining the quite privileged, deficit model of disability. I’m sure some people who don’t easily fit into any diagnostic box may think so. More thought and reflection are required on this front, I believe.
What I do feel particularly bad about, however, is just how difficult it is to get the diagnosis or label required to collect the rights afforded to those struggling or held back by disability. Being denied the personal relief that comes from finally knowing you aren’t mad or broken, but working really hard to fit in with ‘normal’. This should really be changed, and soon, to avoid so much individual pain and suffering, needlessly.
I’m Frank, a self-employed software engineer and owner of Frank Ray Consulting, a software engineering consultancy.
I love business analysis, software development and solving problems. I also write and speak openly about being autistic.
Get in touch if your business needs my help. Website and LinkedIn.
