The First Holy Spirit Story: Do You Believe That I Can Do This?

Prologue

“Do you believe that I can do this?”

That was the question Jesus was asking me. It’s the same question he asked the two blind men who were following him asking to be given sight (Matthew 9:27–31). And it’s the question that started a journey of transformation for me in early December 2018.

Prior to December, I grew up Catholic, believed in God, and had a growing relationship with Jesus. I even worked in campus ministry for a year at the Catholic parish I attended as a student at the University of Michigan.

Yet, I still had a fear of being too outward with my faith, of praying with others, of truly surrendering each day to the Lord. And there was little acknowledgement of the Holy Spirit in my prayer life.

Now, I claim a love for the Lord that bursts at the seams. I ask for God’s graces with new confidence, desperation, and trust. I courageously follow the promptings of the Holy Spirit, including going outside my comfort zone to pray with others for healing and going up to random strangers to share what the Lord is wanting to tell them through me. I pray and act with greater openness and abandonment for God to use me as He wills and for His glory.

Outwardly, there might not be much that appears different with me yet. The exterior change is still coming to fruition because transformation happens from the inside out. Inwardly though, my heart has undergone significant stretching, rewiring, healing, and tuning.

That said, ultimately, this story is not about me; it’s about what God is doing.

Some of what I’ll share may seem beyond belief — too absurd or illogical to be true. Open yourself for a moment and let God challenge your idea of what’s possible. Others might read it as a series of coincidences. It’s not that either. This is 100% my authentic experience. I’ve done my best to document (AKA journal) the events as they’ve happened. I have no need to exaggerate the stories or seek attention. I only share so that others might come to believe and be filled with the love of God through the Holy Spirit like I have.

So, I need you to read this with an open heart.

Part 1: Come Holy Spirit

It starts in the unlikely setting of Zowa, Botswana (a country in the southern part of the African continent).

I was visiting one of my best friends, Praveen, who is serving in the Peace Corps there. On Sunday, Praveen graciously took me to a Pentecostal church where he knew a friend. Most of it was pretty ordinary: praise and worship music, people sharing testimonies, and a sermon. Just a little more loud and energetic than in the U.S. Then, there was the part I didn’t expect.

After the preaching, the pastor began praying over people, laying his hands on them. He was praying in tongues and praying that the Holy Spirit might give others the power to speak in tongues. I couldn’t understand it; it sounded like complete gibberish.

The pastor was even bopping people over the head as he was praying over them. For some, he was praying to heal the physical ailments of their bodies. Others, he prayed in the name of Jesus to heal them from addiction. And stuff was happening when he was doing this! People were falling backwards or falling to the ground and speaking in tongues.

“Is this really happening? Is this a cult?” I thought to myself. I had never experienced anything like this before, and I didn’t know what to make of it. I was afraid of getting sucked in, so I was thankful when it was over and we left.

Praveen and I talked about the experience a little bit, but it didn’t bring me much more clarity on what had happened. I left Botswana still not sure what to make of that church experience and ultimately, doubting what was supposedly taking place. Without stating it plainly, I was essentially saying, “that’s not how God works.”

Fast forward five months: I had moved from Michigan to Indianapolis for a new job and was settling in, exploring the city, meeting people, and getting involved in the Catholic community.

In early December, I went to a special African Mass with a couple of friends. At the reception afterwards, we were enjoying the food and talking. Given the context, I decided to share with my friends about my church experience in Botswana, including the crazy praying-over-people, Holy Spirit stuff. I just thought it would be an interesting story for them to hear.

I don’t remember how these friends responded exactly. All I know is my friend Christen-Marie challenged me in a simple, nonjudgmental way. She kindly pointed out that I might be holding a narrow view of what God could do. In the early Church, the apostles, filled with the power of the Holy Spirit, healed, cast out demons, and spoke in tongues. Why couldn’t that still happen today?

There’s another layer to this plot too. At this same time, I had also been really struggling and battling with a particular sin. It was one that plagued me for years, and the previous few months had been especially bad. The more I tried to beat it on my terms, my way without fully relying on God, the more I failed. I finally reached a breaking point. I needed the Lord’s grace for this more than anything. In my journal that day, the day of the African Mass event, I wrote:

“Holy Spirit, intercede for me, break into my life anytime I’m about to sin. Transform me.”

The Holy Spirit did that and more! It started at that African Mass. Just four days later, I was at a Mass-dinner-speaker event with a Catholic young adult group called I.D. 916. The talk was called “Walk by the Spirit”, live-streamed from Ann Arbor, and the speaker was Patrick Reis from Encounter Ministries.

Patrick’s talk addressed the exact same thing that my friend Christen-Marie had pointed out. Patrick was living proof of the Holy Spirit working actively through people and administering physical and emotional healing. He told plenty of personal stories but also directed us to Scripture, like in John 14:12 where Jesus says, “he who believes in Me, the works that I do, he will do also; and greater works than these he will do; because I go to the Father” (emphasis added is mine). Or broadly noting how those who came to Jesus in faith were healed.

Patrick asked two questions that night that landed on my heart:

• What is your limiting belief when it comes to God?
• Are you hungry to be more like Jesus?

I felt convicted to take all this to prayer. I was beginning to realize that I was limiting God with my disbelief. I was putting God in a box.

The next day was Friday and I was going on an IndyCatholic retreat with about 150 other Catholic young adults. What a great opportunity to seek clarity on this issue I was grappling with.

The gospel reading that Friday was the same one I started this story with: the two blind men coming to Jesus (Matthew 9:27–31). The question from Jesus: “Do you believe that I can do this?”

When I read that, I knew my answer was the same as the blind men: “Yes, Lord.” And that’s when Jesus opened my eyes.

The retreat continued. On Saturday afternoon, I had the opportunity to meet with a priest for spiritual direction to seek confirmation of my “yes.” In our 30-minute session, I asked him about whether God was healing people and if we could be guided by the Spirit moment by moment. The priest shared a lot of wisdom with me. First, he was confident that the Lord is healing a lot, but we often don’t attribute it to Him. And that before we see proof of healing, we usually need to know Jesus.

Second, he also suggested that to be guided closely by the Spirit, we have to make time for silence daily. The Holy Spirit is the wind. In that silence is where we become attuned to the Spirit’s movement.

Journal entry after spiritual direction:

“Lord, I believe you are doing incredible works everyday. They might not always be grandiose, but they are miracles. Help me see them as coming from you. Help me to have that presence and awareness of you through the Spirit.”

Now up until this point, this believing more deeply in the Holy Spirit was mostly an intellectual decision. Did I believe in my mind that it was possible?

What about my heart? Where was that in my journey?

Six hours after that time in spiritual direction was Eucharistic Adoration and praise and worship music with the whole retreat group.

In this time of prayer, I wrote:

“Jesus, I give you permission to enter into my life and reconstruct and recreate whatever needs it. Walking with you will rarely ever be comfortable, and that’s totally okay with me. Your love is all I yearn for, Lord.”

Shortly after writing this, I just got blasted with God’s love. I was on my knees and singing with full heart and voice. But it was more than that…

Next journal entry (from during Adoration):

“Lord, you are overwhelming me, showering your love upon me. It feels so good. Better than anything I’ve experienced…a filling up that lasts. It is not fleeting. My face, my arms, my fingers tingle and twinge with your presence. You lift me up with light and nothing else can distract me. Your presence is the only thing I am aware of.”

This was my first time experiencing God’s love and power in a real, tangible way at this level. I was actually feeling a tingling sensation in my hands, fingers, and face, at the same time I was feeling God’s love. These are called physical manifestations of the Holy Spirit.

What does it mean? It means that Jesus is alive! The same Spirit that lived in him, lives in me*.

*(note: physical manifestations are not a prerequisite for the Holy Spirit working in/through you. The latter is a result of receiving the Spirit at baptism and having an openness to be used by God.)

Part 2: More, Lord, more

Following the retreat, I set my aim on intentionally making time for silence each day. I turned off the radio in the car. I unplugged while eating meals. I sat and listened for whatever the Lord had to tell me.

As I pursued silence, I also found myself having some meaningful encounters with roommates, friends, and coworkers. It was remarkable, actually. That week post-retreat, there were four separate times in which I was in conversation and the other person unexpectedly shared more deeply and vulnerably. Thankfully, I was able to be present and listen well to those friends. I felt a great sense of joy and purpose after each of those conversations. It was clear to me that the Lord had a hand in providing those opportunities to listen and console.

That weekend, St. John the Evangelist downtown was hosting a German Christmas festival. I was walking around the maker’s mart section of the festival with a few friends. I entered one of the vendor tents to look around at the paintings. The artist, Jill, greeted me warmly, and we exchanged a few words. From out of the blue, one of the first things she boldly asks me is, “have you heard of Encounter Ministries?”

What are the odds that this woman I just met two minutes ago would ask me that? A week prior, I had never heard of Encounter Ministries, but Encounter is the name of the organization that the speaker Patrick Reis was from.

Jill began sharing about Encounter and the Holy Spirit. She was fired up about it all. She tells me he Spirit convicted her to ask me about Encounter. I thought to myself: maybe I should learn more about this Encounter Ministries and how the Holy Spirit can work through me.

It was eye-opening and energizing to have all these experiences one right after another, and it also started to change my lens for reading Scripture. God was highlighting new things, specifically the role of the Holy Spirit, in passages I had read or heard several times.

For example, the day after meeting Jill at the German Christmas village, I went to Sunday Mass and the gospel reading was Luke 3:10–18. John the Baptist is speaking to the crowds, preparing the way for Jesus. In verse 16, it says:

John answered them all, saying,

“I am baptizing you with water,

but one mightier than I is coming.

I am not worthy to loosen the thongs of his sandals.

He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and fire” (emphasis added is mine).

Wow! Jesus did that and continues to send down his Spirit on us so that we might show Christ’s love to others.

The very next morning, I met with my men’s group before work. We looked at the gospel passage for the next Sunday. The passage was Luke 1:39–45. Mary is pregnant with Jesus and goes to visit Elizabeth. Verses 41 and 42 stood out to me in a new way:

When Elizabeth heard Mary’s greeting,

the infant leaped in her womb,

and Elizabeth, filled with the Holy Spirit,

cried out in a loud voice and said,

“Blessed are you among women,

and blessed is the fruit of your womb” (emphasis added is mine).

What these verses show is that just by Mary’s greeting — Elizabeth hadn’t even seen her or came into physical contact with her — Elizabeth is filled with the Holy Spirit and her infant, John the Baptist, leaps in the womb. This was just incredible to me!

The Spirit is all over the New Testament once we start looking for it. It’s what empowered the apostles and early Christians to preach boldly and do mighty deeds for the glory of Christ.

Things didn’t slow down at all from there either. I kept making myself available to the Lord, asking for more of His presence and graces in transforming me.

The day after the men’s group, I was hanging out at home in the evening reflecting on the day. Lying on the couch, I recognized a movement in my heart. I was feeling called to send my good college friend Alex a message — specifically, a text message of gratitude for his faithful friendship and leadership, a message of encouragement and of affirming his identity and character of goodness, wisdom, and desire to love people well.

20 minutes later, Alex texted me back this:

Jake! Wow! This is definitely a message from God. I definitely needed to hear this now. Your words are so kind, and I feel like I don’t deserve them, but I do receive them gladly. I was literally just reading in a book how in the absence of feeling God’s presence, or closeness with him, that he uses brothers in the body of Christ to speak to us. And you just did that! Thanks Jake. I’ve been feeling rather low today — and like my heart is not in a good place with some things — but this caught me at the perfect time. And this reminds me of God’s love and care for me. How good is God? Wow. I love you, Jake, and I’m thankful for your friendship, and that you decided to send this text.

I didn’t realize it until after I received his response, but as Alex said, my message to him was inspired by the Holy Spirit. It was God speaking through me to build up Alex as a follower of Christ. I had talked with Alex on the phone a few weeks before this, but I had no idea what was happening to him on this day that made the Holy Spirit’s words so effective in encouraging him.

What Alex echoed was true: God uses our brothers and sisters to speak to us. He wants us to rely on each other as Christ’s body to remain humble and loving, to mimic the relationship Jesus, the son, has with God, the Father.

A couple days later I went back to my friend Christen-Marie to share all that had happened and to hear about her own understanding and experience of the Holy Spirit. The conversation was invigorating. Ultimately, I asked her, “how can I be baptized in the Holy Spirit? How can I receive more of this?”

She started by pointing me to some instructive talks and books, like The Sober Intoxication of The Spirit by Father Raniero Cantalamessa. From this book alone, I learned that “The outpouring [of the Spirit] is not an event in and of itself but rather the beginning of a journey whose aim is the profound renewal of life in the Church,” and that “people do not possess the Holy Spirit, but, rather, are possessed by Him” (p. 38).

Additionally, humility “seems to be the best preparation for receiving the Holy Spirit,” (p. 22). And that the charisms of the Holy Spirit “are free gifts, given to people not because they are holy and not even chiefly to make them holy but for the service of the people of God,” (p. 126).

Reading and learning, things really started to click in my mind. The gifts of the Holy Spirit are free and not rationed. To receive them, we need to invite God into our heart. We need to invite God to be God and be open to how He wants to bless us.

Throughout these couple of weeks, I was also slowly progressing in my healing from that deeply-rooted sin struggle I mentioned earlier. Over Christmas break though, I noticed myself feeling more tempted and could sense I might fall back into this dreadful behavior.

Just like I had asked in my prayer journal, the Holy Spirit interceded through a friend who shared a documentary called The Heart of Man with me. The documentary did a phenomenal job calling out many of the lies I had believed and continued telling myself. The film reminded me of God’s unending love for me in a significant way, and I began sincerely praying as we do in the “Our Father” to not even be led into temptation.

Do I still face temptation? Yes, but a lot less frequently than I previously did. I continue to heal and see with new eyes, relying on God’s strength.

Part 3: Thank you, Jesus!

I leaped into the new year by attending the weekend portion of the SEEK Conference, a college and young adult Catholic conference organized by FOCUS. 18,000 young people came to grow closer to Jesus and be transformed. It happened to be in Indianapolis. Thank you, Jesus!

The Thursday night that the conference started I met up with my good friend Brian. He and I worked together in campus ministry at St. Mary Student Parish, so he came with U of M students for this conference. We went out to a restaurant-bar to catch up that first night. I shared with him about how God was just dropping Holy Spirit explosions in my life. Boom-boom-boom!

As we sat there talking, I could see the Holy Spirit physically raise the posture and energy in his body. Brian was blown away, thrilled. Seeing his reaction only enlivened me more. What did we do with this mutual excitement? We hustled back to the conference center and prayed together.

With our hands on each other’s shoulders, we each took a couple turns calling out to God. About a minute into praying, I felt that tingling sensation running through my hand and forearm. That same feeling I had during Adoration on the retreat. I can’t even remember what either of us said, I just know our words were led by the Spirit. That was confirmed when after praying, Brian and I both described feeling a deep peace.

Wow, what a way to start this conference! The next couple days were awesome too, filled with powerful talks and times of prayer. I received greater insight and encouragement with that sin I had been struggling with. I reflected on how I could better limit distractions and be more present to God, and I got to see friends from U of M as well as share in the conference with newer Indianapolis friends.

On the Sunday of the conference, one of the talks I was most excited for was with Father Mathias Thelen. Can you guess why? Fr. Mathias is one of the founders of Encounter Ministries, and his talk was titled “Empowered by the Spirit.”

“We are called to be plunged into the life of God,” said Fr. Mathias. He continued, suggesting: we see this as the Church was born as a result of the Holy Spirit being sent down at Pentecost. In Acts chapter 4, we see the apostles come in humility and faith to ask God for more of Him, more of His Spirit. They come expecting to receive that.

Like the apostles then, we often receive what we expect to receive. Said another way, we usually only ask God for what we expect from Him, right? So, what might happen if we expect that we belong to a God who can do the impossible (Luke 1:37)?

At the end of his talk, Fr. Mathias led us in corporate prayer. Here’s what I wrote in my journal:

It was like an experience of transcendence. The first thing I noticed was a tingling in my fingers and hands again. In addition to that, I noticed several other sensations: with my eyes closed, I bowed my head facing the floor and sensed great bright light, like how you might when you face towards the sun with closed eyes. You can still sense the light through your eyelids. But that didn’t make physical sense because I was facing the floor. There was also a surreal intensity in my legs. It felt as if I was standing on my tiptoes reaching up for something I couldn’t quite grasp. I was being stretched, but it wasn’t a struggle. It was just an overwhelming and prolonged love, happening in a way I had never experienced before.

I left that talk and that conference knowing that, “I am not the same.” Something here has changed in me. What changed?

I immediately felt a stronger desire to share with family, friends, and others about how God was working in my life. I started telling people about the Holy Spirit, this part of the Trinity tends to get less attention in the Catholic world.

One of the initial people I shared with was my friend Curtis who attends the same parish as I do. Curtis and I had dinner, talked for a long time, and then we closed with my leading us in prayer. Like with Brian, I placed my hand on my Curtis’ shoulder. We were just there before God and with each other. That was enough.

The next day I checked in with my friend to ask about his experience of the previous night. He replied, “I’m still beaming!” I appreciate his choice of words. Beaming means to shine or radiate light. Curtis was radiating light because of the presence of God’s love (the Holy Spirit) in him.

Does anyone not want that? Is there anyone who doesn’t want to radiate light?

Over these weeks of December through January, I remained grounded, seeking Jesus in the sacraments and daily prayer. I recognized that my faith does not rest in miracles but in Jesus and that I love God, not just “the experience” of God.

A few days after having dinner with Curtis, I decided to sign up to attend an event hosted by Encounter Ministries, this organization that just kept popping up. The event was a weekend training conference called the School of Healing (see their upcoming events here). Essentially, it was to learn and practice to become a more effective minister of Jesus’ healing.

My friend Christen-Marie from Indy decided to join for the School of Healing as well, so on a freezing mid-February Friday night we walked into an old school gym having no idea what to expect. We were first blown away to see the gym was completely full — 250 people from all over Michigan, the midwest, and the country, came to grow in their gifts of the Holy Spirit and spread God’s love through healing.

Christen-Marie and I had arrived late but just in time as they started guided prayer.

Journal entry:

I let go of all inhibitions and the Holy Spirit was quickly present…I felt the tingling and heat, stronger and stronger. God’s love was with us…My legs were shaking and twitching, just wanting to dance with joy! Grand smiles came over my face as the Lord filled my heart. I found myself repeating over and over, “thank you, Jesus!”

At the prayer leader’s prompting, I felt moved to go up to the front to be prayed with. I was no longer in control. The Holy Spirit was moving me. While being prayed with, it became just the Lord and I in an intimate encounter. I was still conscious, but all I could do was praise God and feel his Spirit flowing through me. I fell to my knees…and I entered the most peaceful state of resting in the Lord and it lasted for…I don’t know…I had no conception of time.

This was the first night. What could happen on day two? I can sum up day two like this: 1) inspired teaching and use of Scripture, 2) stepping out in faith and practicing praying for healing, and 3) people were healed by Jesus and it was amazing!

Here are a few high-level learnings that provided a baseline before we went into the practicals of praying:

The Pharisees and Scribes missed Jesus because they had the Messiah in a box. Jesus didn’t fit their expected image.

God uses signs and wonders to demonstrate the Word, the message of the gospel. The miracles and preaching the Word are intrinsically linked. Acts of healing draw people to Jesus to hear the Word, and healing is a sign of the Kingdom. Jesus heals to show what the Kingdom of Heaven is like, so that we say “yes” to Him and “yes” to repentance and faith. Even though Jesus healed others often, his primary goal was not physical healing for everyone (otherwise he would have). He came to reveal the Father and to reconcile us with the Father.

Jesus commands his disciples to preach the Good News and heal the sick. We see this in Matthew 9:35–10:8, Mark 16:14–20, Luke 9:1–2, among other passages. This command does not end with the first disciples. It should be part of our lives as disciples today. If we believe we have to be “holy” to be used powerfully by God, then we’re making it about us, not Jesus.

There is always more of the Holy Spirit. In Acts 4, Peter and John return to their community and pray to the Lord for more of the Holy Spirit. In verse 31 it says, “As they prayed, the place where they gathered shook, and they were all filled with the Holy Spirit.”

Jesus delivered then, and he delivered at this conference in significant ways! People were healed throughout the day and in great numbers at the healing service. The conference ended with an evening healing prayer service that was open to the public. Anyone could come no matter their belief or if they were even Christian. Every seat was filled. The back rooms were full, and people were standing along the walls in the back.

Fr. Mathias began the service by passionately preaching the gospel. This was followed by him leading us in a prayer of forgiveness — forgiving anyone in our lives who we had yet to forgive (unforgiveness is often a block from us receiving greater healing). This is where I experienced some of the most significant “heart healing.” There were people that came to mind in that prayer who I hadn’t thought about in a long time, people I didn’t even realize I needed to forgive. Through that act of forgiveness, I experienced a release.

From there, we moved into the corporal/group prayers for healing. There was a young adult woman two seats down from me who had shooting pain in her lower back that was healed after we prayed with her. She flexed her back and bent over to touch her toes with little to no pain. It was beautiful to see the smile on her face. She kept saying, “I can’t believe it.”

There was another woman the row in front of us who had part of her hearing restored! There was also a Jewish girl who appeared around my age with carpal tunnel in one of her wrists from playing saxophone. She experienced healing and was able to put pressure on her wrist to do a push up — something she couldn’t do before. She was just overcome with emotion by this experience of Jesus’ love. Praise God! Hip and knee injuries, shoulders, migraines, pinky fingers, internal intestines — all healed by Jesus.

It wasn’t always clear if someone had been healed by Jesus. Sometimes as we were praying with people, tears would start coming down the person’s face. This was usually a sign that God was doing something in their heart and they were feeling loved. That alone is huge! We were told during training that as long as the person feels loved, our prayer worked.

Beyond the physical healing, we also saw a lot of emotional and heart healing. This was common when we broke into our smaller prayer teams at the end (praying with one person at a time rather than in the larger group setting).

Agatha came to us with back pain but ended up being relieved of her feelings of unworthiness as a mother, wife, and daughter of God. She felt a new lightness. Allie came asking for healing for her three children. We prayed for that of course, but it turned out what she really left with was a new sense of peace about the future. Then, there was Kat who we prayed with for probably 30 minutes. A lot of deep wounds were revealed, but by the end, Kat felt so loved by the Lord and renounced the lies she had been believing. All of these people we prayed with expressed gratitude for what Jesus was doing and for our role in praying with them.

In this one evening, dozens if not hundreds of people were healed by God in some way. How encouraging! My faith increased tremendously, and like with the SEEK Conference, I left the School of Healing feeling “I am not the same” and asking, “how do I share this?”

One way is this blog post, but God wants to use me beyond this too. So many people in our world are hungry — hungry for deep connection, for acceptance and fulfillment, hungry to know of God’s infinite and personal love and mercy.

God wants these people, His children, to be fed. The harvest is abundant, but the laborers are few (Matthew 9:37). God is sending me as a laborer — to love, listen, stand against injustice, pray with others, preach the gospel, heal, and live radically and joyfully for God’s glory.

There’s a beautiful, lengthy buffet table filled with delicious dishes for us to enjoy at the Lord’s banquet. Are you wanting a seat at this table to be fed? Better yet, are you wanting to be a laborer who harvests this food and invites others to the feast?

In Galatians 4:6, Paul writes, “God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our heart.” God is already working in your heart! He is stirring within, and it’s the same Spirit that was in Jesus Christ. That means Jesus lives in and through us. Jesus is alive! Not just the day we were baptized, but every day. God’s grace is available to us at any given moment.

This isn’t just for priests, religious sisters, or the uber holy. Life in the Spirit is for all of us! In fact, line 1699 of the Catechism proposes that “Life in the Holy Spirit fulfills the vocation of man.” Isn’t that incredible?

Now, do we believe it? Do we expect God to work miraculously?

Epilogue

The title of this post is “The First Holy Spirit Story” because as I’ve been writing this, I’ve experienced several more inspiring “Holy Spirit stories.” Praise God for that! There are going to be plenty more to come too. So, the ending of this is not clear…because really, this still feels like just the beginning of the transformation and renewal.

If you have any questions about my story or you’d like to talk more about it or other topics related to the Holy Spirit, healing, or living a prayerful life, you can send me an email at: derryja@umich.edu