Visions, Finding Purpose, & Questioning Faith

This is another 3-in-1 post reflecting on the past month of Faith & Spirituality

Visions

I stood at the edge of a cliff. There was nothing below but rock. A 500ft drop at least.

The sun warmed my back as I stood there with my arms outstretched like wings, and I listened to the wind whisper as it blew gently, tickling my face.

I stood there at the edge of the cliff knowing what I had to do, knowing that some had told me not to do it and that I could not do it, while others opposed those doubters, believing in me with such conviction and hope.

I had to fly.

And not like the Wright Brothers or Charles Lindbergh but like Icarus, the boy from Greek mythology who disobeyed his father and flew too close to the sun only for the glue holding his wings together to melt, causing him to fall. Or like Peter Pan, the boy who never wanted to grow up. It makes me wonder is flying only for ambitious young boys and girls?

Now, standing at this cliff and having this calling to fly, the only way to know if I could was for me to jump from the cliff, to completely let go of any and all restraints. I felt fear. An internal battle between this fear of falling and my longing for flight, for weightlessness, for…transcendence.

Then, an external voice, maybe the voice of God…I don’t know, asked me, “are you ready to fly?”

“No,” I said.

And just like that…it was over. The vision was gone.

I had this vision a little over a week ago while praying/meditating, and it left me with more questions than answers: Why am I not ready to fly? What is holding me back? When will I be ready?

These are questions I’m trying to find answers to because not only does the vision signify where I am in my faith journey, but, in many ways, it also signifies where I am in my personal life and academic career.

Having visions like this wasn’t typical for me until recently. At my Small Church Community (SCC) group, two members from the group spoke about trying to visualize where they were in their faith journeys. In the visions they described, they all seemed lost or disoriented in some way. They were stranded on a life raft in the middle of the ocean or were facing a fork in the road with no distinct path. It was scary to me.

I thought:

Where are the visions in which we climb to the top of the mountain or conquer our paths? Will we ever be fulfilled?

And then I thought better:

We need God, or some form of faith, to reach the top of the mountain. We need Him to conquer those mysterious paths. All in all, I wouldn’t want the journey to be easy. Fear and doubt are inevitable.

Even though my vision told me I wasn’t ready to jump, I know that I’m close. Maybe all I need is a little push?

Finding Purpose

Why faith? I think many people turn to God or some form of religion for two primary reasons: 1) in an effort to find purpose and meaning in life and 2) as a source of strength during difficult times.

In this section, we’ll briefly discuss that first reason.

I believe everyone was created to serve others. (Agree or disagree?) There’s trillions of ways to do it though. So we also must seek out the intersection of what we love to do, what we are great at, and what the world needs.

My purpose is serving others by creating possibility, inspiring action, and leading change.

How do I know this is my purpose? These are my sources of my energy. After much prayer, meditation, and experience, I feel it is what God is calling me to do, and the projects most important to me (The Awesome Initiative & Project Passion) align with and reflect this purpose. The things that don’t align, I try to cut from my life.

Other example purposes:

Serving others by…listening,

teaching,

or healing.

Two final notes on purpose:

• it takes time to discover
• our perception of it will likely change over time

What is your purpose?

Questioning Faith

As a part of this month’s challenge, Austin and I decided to attend each other’s churches at least once. I would describe Austin’s church, Mosaic, as much more modern than St. Mary’s. It plays contemporary music, has fewer predetermined readings and rituals, and the majority of it is the pastor giving his sermon, which reminded me more of a college lecture than a homily.

Overall, I enjoyed the experience of attending a different church. The two times I went, the topics discussed were Heaven and Hell, which seem to be talked about sparsely at St. Mary’s and the rest of the catholic church.

Additionally, Austin always had questions for me after, asking about the differences between what we had just heard and catholic teachings. I usually didn’t have a great answer for him, but it caused me to want to further explore my religion and these questions.

To me, being faithful doesn’t mean blindly following. Rather, questioning is an essential part of having faith because it can lead to greater understanding (or confusion) and renewed strength.

We had a conversation about this in my Alternative Spring Break group during our time in Washington D.C., and again recently, we discussed whether or not confirmation, a sacrament that usually occurs in 8thgrade or early high school for Catholics, occurs too early in a person’s life. To my knowledge, most 8thgraders have never seriously questioned their faith. I know I didn’t at the time of my confirmation. My group agreed: it was just kind of an expectation that we would be confirmed. We didn’t actually feel “confirmed” (like being catholic was our choice) until college when we gained independence and were able to make our own decisions.

It makes me wonder if we can wholeheartedly believe something unless it is questioned or challenged.

Some other questions to ponder:

• why do you believe what you believe?
• is there one single truth?
• are those who don’t believe the single truth going to Hell?

Share your thoughts on any of the questions or ideas I posed throughout the post in the comments below.

Originally published at www.awesomeinitiative.org on April 3, 2015.

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