What’s The Hardest Thing You Did This Past Week?
Seriously, what’s the hardest thing you did this past week?
What’s the hardest thing you should have done this past week but didn’t do because of [insert excuse here]?
My answers:
1) I planned, executed, and MC’d an event for 50+ people that included food, a musical performance, an inspiring keynote, and giving away over $1,200 to ambitious, creative high school students.
2) I should have had that event recorded so that everyone who wasn’t able to make it and anyone who’s reading this now could go and watch it.
I hope I don’t have to convince you that doing hard things usually results in a greater return or benefit.
So how can we do more hard things? We ask for help, which is a hard thing in and of itself.
That event I planned was called the Passion Gallery, and it was for a small organization I co-direct called Project Passion. We created an after-school program in Battle Creek that guides high school students in creating “passion projects.” For anyone that hasn’t heard the spiel, this program involves hands-on challenges, brainstorming sessions, bringing in guest speakers and mentors, social gatherings/hang-outs, skill workshops, and the Passion Gallery.
Recently, I was at another event, telling a new acquaintance about what we do. Her first question: “How are you able to do all that? How do you have the time?”
The truth is…
I’m not, and I don’t.
My number one job as the co-director of this after-school program is to ask for help.
I do it all the time — to the point where I start questioning myself: “am I asking for too much help too often?”
Every mentor, every guest speaker, every financial sponsor, every media outlet representative, every teacher, every friend, every family member, and every student who makes Project Passion possible — it all started with Fede, my co-director, or I asking them for help with something.
On the flip side, because we have so many people helping us, it means that Fede and I, in turn, can offer a lot of help to any of the students in the program who ask for it.
But few actually ask for it. Maybe 1 in 10. Beyond this one example of high school students in Battle Creek, I would guess the percentage who ask for help is roughly the same. 10%. I’m totally guessing, but even if I’m wrong and the actual percentage is closer to 20–30–40%, that is still absolutely bonkers!
That means that a majority of people are halted from realizing their goals, their pursuits, their dreams…simply because they’re not asking for help.
Now, there may be a hundred reasons why these people wouldn’t ask for help, and two of those reasons might be valid, but a majority of those reasons boil down to this:
Asking for help is hard.
It’s hard because, for most people including me, asking for help goes against the individualistic tendencies we’ve been socialized to adopt.
We either…
A) have too much pride and think we can do it ourselves (and need to prove it to ourselves)
and/or, similar to above but on the opposite end,
B) are afraid of being vulnerable and admitting we need help
and/or
C) are afraid of being a burden to others
and/or
D) are undervaluing the people around us who might actually be able to help.
This is so interesting to me. This idea of not asking for help is part of a larger paradox called the “Pay It Forward Paradox” described in this video here:
(Watch from 15:08–16:37)
Asking for help is hard, but you can do it. You have to. Not only will it result in you receiving what you want, it will also make someone else feel good for helping you.
Let’s go back to that second question I asked:
What’s the hardest thing you should have done this past week but didn’t do because of [insert excuse here]?
Is there anyone you can ask for help with that thing that you should’ve done but haven’t yet?
Is there anyway I can help?
Here are a couple things I need help with right now. You don’t have to respond to these, but if you can, I’d greatly appreciate it.
I’m trying to understand what makes a remarkable children’s book, so I created this 2-question survey for anyone to fill out.
The company I’m working with this summer is running a social media campaign and could use your support via Facebook or Twitter. All you have to do it click through and pledge one message to our campaign on your preferred platform (“support with Facebook”, “support with Twitter”, etc.). Thanks!
A related post about asking for help that you might like. It’s like a part two my post.
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