Why I’m Going to Seminary to Become a Catholic Priest (The ABBREVIATED Account)
Jesus.
It’s the “go-to” Sunday School answer for any question that’s asked. It doesn’t matter the question; the answer is most likely: Jesus.
I’m going to seminary to, God willing, become a Catholic priest because JESUS…and more specifically, because of the Eucharist, the real presence of Jesus — Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity — here on earth. That’s the best way to summarize it. In this article, I’ll share a few of the details of the journey that led me here, but if you want the whole story, go read the full account here.
Helpful note:
One more thing before we dive in: I want to define a few terms that might be unfamiliar. An oversimplified glossary:
- Discernment = prayerful decision-making to do God’s will.
- Vocation = the calling God has for your life — whether that be marriage, religious life (like priest or nun), or consecrated single life.
- Priesthood = continuing the work of Jesus Christ on earth by serving the people of God through teaching, celebration of the Sacraments, and pastoral leadership.
Unlike some men, I never imagined being a priest when I was a child growing up. I would probably still be resistant to the idea of being a priest if it wasn’t for the Holy Spirit opening me up to the possibility, being around and influenced by holy priests in the last couple of years, and timely encouragement from friends and loved ones.
It was one friend who I credit for pushing me to discern when she told me: “I deeply care about the call Jesus has placed on your life…if there is any thought or desire, no matter how small, regarding priesthood, I greatly encourage you to talk to your spiritual director and take time to discern your vocation.”
That was exactly what I needed. When I heard that in April 2019, I knew I needed to take time to pray about the priesthood.
My quest to discern the priesthood began with first learning what it looked like to discern well. Like I have in other situations, I sought wisdom from a variety of people I respected, admired, and who I knew were seeking to live holy lives. Gathering these stories and insights from others grounded me and helped me realize there was a lot more to this discernment thing than I had initially thought.
Another thing I did was start to pray the Prayer of Abandonment by Blessed Charles de Foucald every day:
Father,
I abandon myself into your hands;
do with me what you will.
Whatever you may do, I thank you:
I am ready for all, I accept all.
Let only your will be done in me,
and in all your creatures -
I wish no more than this, O Lord.
Into your hands I commend my soul:
I offer it to you with all the love of my heart,
for I love you, Lord, and so need to give myself,
to surrender myself into your hands without reserve,
and with boundless confidence,
for you are my Father.
Amen.
Then, on a Friday in mid-May, I was spending time in Eucharistic Adoration leading up to Daily Mass. My discernment would include a lot of this. In prayer, I was reflecting on the question: what is my deep hunger? Going into Mass, I felt distracted with these thoughts concerning deep hunger. I knelt for the Eucharistic Prayers, and I sought to simply be present. I said in prayer, “My heart is here, Lord.” Then I received a sense of Jesus responding, “…And I want your heart here on the altar with mine.” The Lord was pointing to the altar where His Body and Blood sat. Internally, I knew this was an invitation to the priesthood.
Despite my total panic, I somehow had the resolve to reply, “Lord, if this is a call, it needs to be repeated and all the fears that this is bringing up need to be taken away. That’s how it will be clear. That’s how I’ll know this is from you.”
Hearing this come up in prayer scared me. It scared me for many reasons: I felt unworthy and incompetent to be a priest; pursuing priesthood would also mean drastically reorienting the plans for my life. I feared…
- not getting married or having kids,
- having to go back to school for several years,
- not being able to explore other career paths,
- being overwhelmed by the responsibilities,
- loneliness,
- unintentionally turning others away from a life of faith instead of towards it,
- and, ultimately, rejection.
This last one felt the most scary because it was the summary of almost all the others. I didn’t have to look any further than the crucifix to know that being united to Jesus in the priesthood meant experiencing the rejection that he experienced. I wasn’t ready for that.
Amidst those fears and the common trials of life, God was showering me with His love and preparing me for His thrilling plan, leading me first to deeper surrender, reliance, and trust.
Multiple people recommended reading: To Save a Thousand Souls. I did, and this brought a lot of clarity on multiple areas of priesthood and discernment, especially celibacy. Celibacy is the voluntary spiritual discipline (not a mandated law) of forgoing marriage for the sake of the kingdom of God (Matthew 19:11–12). On this topic, Fr. Brannen writes:
“So often the celibate life is portrayed as a dour, sad existence that priests simply endure. On the contrary, to be espoused to the Bride of Jesus Christ is a tremendous honor, gift, and privilege…a man should become a priest, not primarily because he likes the idea of the work of a priest, but because he is in love with the Bride of Christ, the Church” (221).
“The purpose of celibacy is to learn to love the way the saints love in heaven. Celibacy is about intimacy with Jesus, the only one who can fill the void that is within us all…Intimacy with Jesus leads to love and intimacy with his people” (248).
Reading this was challenging, but it didn’t repel or turn me away. Reflecting on celibacy continued in conversations with Vocations Directors (people who work for a diocese or a specific religious order, meeting and walking with prospective applicants as they discern). The conversations brought up questions like: is God calling me to belong to Him completely with an undivided heart? How has God created my heart to love? How do I experience intimacy or deep connection?
In late July, I was at Mass again when I clearly heard that same invitation to the priesthood that I had heard before. Same way, same place, just two and a half months apart. Just four days after this second invitation, I heard the invitation interiorly for the third time, this time at a different chapel. I could no longer deny this invitation was from the Lord. Because of that, I was starting to warm to the idea, and I started praying, “God, I want to want what you want. Even if I don’t want it right now.”
From this, I noticed my prayers become more honest, more bold, grateful, and more open and receptive. With Jesus drawing me closer, I noticed myself desiring to go wherever the Lord wanted me to go and to do whatever the Lord wanted me to do.
All the while, God’s promise of: “I will be with you” kept reverberating in my life. I experienced a lasting joy from praying with others through the young adult prayer ministry team I was a part of over the summer. On one occasion talking with a friend, I felt the Spirit guiding me to be present and to really see the situation through the lens of a priest. Another significant conversation happened when a different friend noticed “an excitement in my eyes” when I spoke about the possibility of seminary. Finally, at the end of September, I accepted a new full-time job working at a Catholic parish. This would give me an even better idea if being a parish priest was really something I could see myself in.
That Fall, I took another big step in my discernment by visiting a couple Catholic seminaries. Overall, I could see myself being at seminary. I could see myself alongside the other guys there. I especially saw this at Sacred Heart Major Seminary in Detroit. That’s where the Diocese of Lansing (DOL) sends their seminarians. I had been talking with the DOL Vocations Director, Fr. John, and he set up my visit to Sacred Heart. The Diocese of Lansing (which covers Lansing, Flint, Ann Arbor, Jackson, and the in-between) was where I lived, went to school, and worked prior to moving to Indianapolis. It’s also where all my extended family is, so I’m there for most all holidays. It feels like home.
The other DOL seminarians were spirited and genuinely interested in me as a person. The Vice Rector was thoughtful, gentle, and encouraging. The class I sat in on was…well, a class…and those can be hit or miss depending on the professor, but one thing that I loved was that the entire group of 20 people sang happy birthday to their classmate at the beginning of class.
Perhaps more beautiful than that was the Mass during my visit. At every Mass there is a miracle, the miracle of mere bread and wine becoming Jesus’ Body and Blood and God allowing us to receive Him into our own bodies! It sounds crazy to write about, but that’s what it is! St. John Vianney wrote, “if we truly understood the Mass, we would die of joy!” These things are true, but what made the Mass stand out was how I perceived the Lord was speaking to me through the readings and homily. The Gospel reading was Luke 21:1–4. It’s the poor widow who puts two coins into the temple treasury. Jesus praises the woman saying that she has put in more than all the rest because she has offered her whole livelihood.
Jesus doesn’t simply praise this, he does it himself. He, being God, has been generous with us by offering his entire life for us. Then, he calls us to do the same — to offer our lives generously and in love. So, how is he calling me specifically to offer myself?
I found myself incredibly energized and inspired by the widow’s sacrifice and that it was her whole livelihood! Because that’s the kind of sacrifice I want to make. I want to offer my entire livelihood like the poor widow and like Jesus. I want to offer that to Jesus’ Church as a priest. I think God can do a lot with that wholehearted sacrifice.
The Sacred Heart visit was good, but I knew it wasn’t wise to be swept off my feet based on one moment of prayer or one conversation. In my discernment, I never put too much weight in any one experience. I was trusting that God was working throughout the process and that it was the larger interior movements and the source of those movements that I should pay attention to.
When I initially heard the invitation to the priesthood in prayer, I was extremely fearful. I was particularly afraid of the cross, the rejection from others and potentially from God. Now, after the many conversations, the reading, praying, asking questions, and drawing close to Jesus, I had greater clarity, far less fear, and was moving towards peace. This was a movement of God. I realized that sacrifice and rejection are necessarily part of any form of serving or being with people. So, while priesthood involves the cross like it did for Christ, it doesn’t end there. It follows with the Resurrection and a love so powerful that it leads to new life in the Holy Spirit!
A few weeks after the Sacred Heart visit, I went on a retreat with other Indianapolis young adults. The retreat was focused on the topic of discernment and led by a young priest! Going into the weekend of the retreat, the question of celibacy still loomed heavily on my heart. In prayer, Jesus was asking me:
“Jacob, do you believe I can make you a saint? Do you believe that I will keep giving you everything I have and pouring myself out generously for you in the priesthood? Or do you believe I am going to hold out on you? Or abandon or reject you?…Because if it’s the first one, the giving my entire self for you, how are you going to respond?”
I wanted my response to be “yes,” but I still wasn’t sure. At one point during the retreat weekend, I was the only one in the chapel, simply gazing at my Lord in the Eucharist who was illuminated by nothing but the candlelight. God’s Spirit came over me, and I just felt so fully loved and accepted by Jesus. He was pulling me closer, and I felt at home. I was reminded of the fact that God gave me the ability to choose. Priesthood is a choice, celibacy is a choice, and there is freedom in that.
In that time of prayer, the Lord strengthened me to walk into this next step of my mission to pursue priesthood. This was confirmed in the very next talk as Fr. Michael posed questions like: Which dreams fill me with holy and wholesome desires that lead toward faith, hope, and love? Where do I feel close to God? Where do I feel at home?
My answers to these questions were what I had just experienced in prayer and what I had been reflecting on. It wasn’t just that though. The grace in that time of prayer was Jesus showing me that he would provide what I needed. I could now say, “yes” to Jesus’ “Do you believe…” question.
A short couple weeks later, I returned to Michigan to attend a Diocese of Lansing seminarian event. That morning I got to reconnect with some of the men I had met while visiting Sacred Heart a month prior; we prayed, heard a talk from the former Bishop, had Mass and lunch. Everything about this time felt right. Bishop Emeritus Mengeling was comical while also raising several important points for me. For example, I was surprised when he mentioned that he, himself, was terrified upon entering seminary. Additionally, I was reminded and instilled with hope when he described being a priest, or “joining Jesus’ fishing company” as he called it, as not being about self-fulfillment but it being about the salvation of souls! It’s not like being a social worker; it’s about offering sacrifice to bring everyone to the heavenly altar that is Jesus himself.
This harkened back to what first attracted me to the priesthood. Over the last several years, I have longed to serve and to be with people in deep, meaningful ways. I first noticed this on an Alternative Spring Break trip my freshman year of college and it hasn’t stopped since. Most recently, it has evolved into an unquenchable desire for people to know and experience the Lord’s tender and powerful love, mercy, and hope like I have. That day, after communion at Mass, I recognized again that deep desire — the desire to be that sacrifice that a priest is. An hour later, I talked with the Fr. John, the Vocations Director, and I said, “yes” to starting an application for seminary.
The application process was a lot…as it should be. If you don’t feel some confidence in taking this next step that’s going to come out in the application process. Despite how much there was to the application in the short amount of time, it all came together smoothly. Again, God was making the path. In late April 2020, around a year after I started discerning the priesthood, I was accepted to be a Diocese of Lansing seminarian at Sacred Heart Seminary in Detroit. Praise God for all He has done, all He is doing, and all He will do!
The truth is I don’t know if I’m going to become a priest, but I do know attending seminary is the next right step. If I don’t end up becoming a priest, at the very least, I will be a better man and father because of this experience. As you can see from my story, discernment isn’t a straight line. It involves many twists and turns. The key, I found, is staying faithful. Staying faithful to Jesus, to my community, to the discernment process, and to myself.
You and I can stay faithful in our discernments or just other areas of our lives because, whether we realize it or not, God is faithful to us.
Thus says the Lord,
who created you, O Jacob, and formed you, O Israel:
Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name: you are mine.
When you pass through waters, I will be with you;
through rivers, you shall not be swept away.
When you walk through fire, you shall not be burned,
nor will flames consume you.
For I, the Lord, am your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your savior.
…you are precious in my eyes
and honored, and I love you
Isaiah 43:1–4
Like I said at the beginning of this, I’m going to seminary to become a Catholic priest because of Jesus in the Eucharist. All the most pivotal moments in my discernment, the moments I return to over and over in reflection are: the moments in Mass, the moments in Eucharistic Adoration, praying before Jesus in the Eucharist. There’s something so humble, so beautiful, simple yet mysterious, loving and life-giving that pours forth from Jesus in the Eucharist…and it’s unlike anything else I have experienced or can explain.
My prayer for you, reader, is that if you haven’t met Jesus yet, or if you have but feel distant from our God, that you will seek an opportunity (or, hopefully, many opportunities) to spend time with Jesus in the Eucharist. Sit in our Lord’s presence in silence. Let Him beckon you and show you the peace, goodness, and personal love of God.
Finally, I want to ask for your prayers! I can’t do this on my own, and I want to share the challenges, joys, transformation and fruit, from this seminary experience. I’m seeking to gather a prayer support team to journey with me at seminary. Learn more and fill out this brief form to join my prayer support team! Thank you!
Other resources to learn more about priesthood:
- DiocesanPriest.com
- A day in the life of a priest
- Common questions on the life of a priest
- Theological basis for priestly celibacy
- Video: Priests discuss celibacy
Other resources to learn more about the Catholic Church:
